Am I harming my baby?

Honestly probably just all babies. Sometimes they just won't stop crying, even with mum, with milk, with all the best things. Or maybe that was just my baby. Or just me.

I doubt it will be 4 minutes only daily consecutively , in fact OP said it was longer the first day .
Its up to the op to do what she wants but the fact is raised cortisol is connected with lost of issue including making people prone to auto immune diseases, cancer , anxiety etc . So why risk it .

If crying for 10 minutes causes long term damage then literally every baby who has ever been in childcare is damaged.

Right?! Pretty sure the long term damage of my being permanently frazzled was more impactful on us both than a few minutes crying. And she still cries in the night when scared so I know she hasn't internalised that we don't care and won't come back to help her.

It was 10 minutes not 10 hours. How can anyone ban it? Does the government put cameras up in new parents houses to make sure they comply?
I did controlled crying with my eldest, checking on her every 10 minutes and cracked it in 3 nights.
She's 19, well adjusted, doesn't appear to have affected our bond or her in any way.

There are no long term effects of babies crying for 4 minutes.

So...what is the solution then?

Cry it out is an awful way to sleep train. There is also nothing wrong with feeding to sleep. It’s very normal for the majority of babies.

I sleep trained my no 3.
I was broken from sleep deprivation and was rapidly becoming a wreck.
I had three children aged 3,2 and 1.
First night was awful, she cried a lot
Second night she cried for a total of 20 mins (with me popping in and out)
Third night she slept through and from then on she slept.
Saved my sanity and my ability to parent!

That baby is a well adjusted wonderful adult with two of her own now. She reached break point when her eldest reached 14m and she nearly crashed her car coming home from a night shift (nurse) from exhaustion. I suggested she did controlled crying. She was so worried he'd be traumatised... and then so glad a few night's later when he went to bed ..and slept.
I know I'm old, but to be broken by lack of sleep because a baby hasn't learned that nighttime is sleep time is just ridiculous... are you all traumatising your children if they cry when you are on the loo? No. Parents need sleep and babies are happier when they have learned to sleep at night!

I think it’s western thing. I’m from Eastern Europe and a lot of mums here do not try ‘cry it out’ method. Actually, it was advertised because mums are forced to go to work so they need to sleep through the night. Even the founder of this method confessed it is cruel.

cortisol levels will elevate a lot when babies are left to cry so while you might not see any short term damage , the long term effects might be there anyway .
I can emphasise as I have a child with special needs and a baby with a older sen child is hard work but the easiest solution is not always the best .

Surprised at the replies. Baby is learning mummy is not coming. I couldn't do it, in my personal opinion it's cruel.

4 minutes? Yes.

Your child is learning to self soothe and sleep unaided which should lead to a more restful and restorative sleep for them (& you). Everyone up half the night isn't good for anyone. I think you have done amazing. It's not easy hearing our little ones cry but 10mins, then 4mins really isn't much at all.

This sounds like Ferber method, which is often very successful! 4 mins is not a long time to be fair. I think the tricky bit is figuring out if your LO is just "fussy crying", or really truly distressed in some way. Good luck x

“placing him in the cot awake but tired. I stay with him for a couple of minutes then leave. He cries a lot and I check in on him every 3 minutes until his crying becomes intermittent. On the first day this took around 10 minutes. Today it's taken 4 minutes.”

This is cry it out, 100%.

@0alwepg “now I'm stuck with a 2 year old who is addicted to her bottle all day and cannot sleep without it.”

This is pretty normal for a 2 year old, especially one with additional needs. It’s biologically normal for children to breastfeed until they are 4-7 years old, (and the bottle is a breast substitute) it’s also normal to need comfort and support to fall asleep, and to still wake in the night. You say it’s just you and the two children, why don’t you just cosleep with them both? If they are both sleeping in your room you don’t have to leave either child to fall asleep alone.

I'd just go to bed at the same time as the babies and pat them gently

I'd just go to bed at the same time as the babies and pat them gently

If you want reassurance, I did a similar method with my babies, both took 2-3 nights to learn that they weren't going to be going anywhere but their cot (fwiw I never left them to scream or get distressed - I would enter the room, soothe, leave again as quickly as possible) and both are now bright, happy, well adjusted nearly adults (well, one is 23 and the other 16) with a strong empathy for others. No harm done at all.

My GP recommended the method you are using op.. Ds 10 months had lived in hospital most of his life.. Never slept alone or in the dark. He slept through on the third night with minimal tears..

For the ones who won't sleep train may I warn you of the long term effects to YOU if you remain sleep deprived for long...
Do some research..

Your almost 1 year old baby settles within 10 minutes, that's fine.

My 3rd child had to cry for longer than that often when I was dealing with the others!

it’ll work eventually and definitely won’t do any long term harm, I’m sorry I didn’t do it.
A lot of cuddles and love throughout the day.

How can it be? How would anyone know?

Similar-ish sleep situation, I can't/won't leave my baby to cry but unfortunately it means my eldest's bedtime is affected. I put baby to sleep while she reads in bed, then i go and have a cuddle with her, baby's always awake again within half an hour so then I go back in to resettle him. It's honestly a nightmare but also only for a relatively short period of time. Although probably feel like forever for my poor dd who hasn't had a proper bedtime with me for 11 months now. But it's gotten better slowly and will continue to get better as baby gets older, at some point we will all be able to sit and read a story together etc.

Re the 2 year old and her bottle - tbh I'd say don't stress about it, she'll outgrow it at some point and if it helps for now, let it be. It's not a big deal in the big scheme of things.

I did something like this

it worked for me. Whenever my baby slipped into patterns of crying and not settling, i repeated the controlled crying for a few days

she is a brilliant sleeper now