School say they're monitoring lateness now and I feel sick about it

For the record, I think you have a very proactive mindset. The school has raised it with you, you're determined to address it. That's all you need to do and you can stop worrying about not being good enough.

Anyone on here kicking you while you're down you can afford to discount, it says far more about them than you.

I'm a pretty solid parent, I think. My kids are polite, I try to be nice to others and I make it to school on time every most mornings! But if some random online bully insinuated I was a shit parent I'm sure my brain would go right to trying to validate that information, instead of just being happy I made it through the day. It's what It does. Stupid brain.

It sounds like you're carrying a lot. And I bet you're doing a great job! You should be proud :)

I'd be surprised if there's more than a couple of other children in the class with more than one sibling. Most parents nowadays are not trying to get a child to school with a toddler and a baby in tow, statistically anyway.

Five kids here always made it in the nick of time.don’t worry about it x

"Schools are mandated by the government for the policies and procedures they have to follow, maybe direct your anger there."

And yet the schools themselves ignore it:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5461521-single-sex-changing-spaces-in-a-brighton-secondary-school-part-2-the-one-with-the-solicitors-and-the-vexatious-parent?page=1

"School will have noticed a pattern and have raised this very informally at the door of the school with mum."

Clearly not informally as it scared the shit out of her.

" It affects the child, and also sets a bad example for their working life."

Thats bullshit. Work has real consequences. being late for school does not (don't say grades, most children give zero shits about them and the consequences are far too distant from the action for them to care)

School matter way, way, way less than people make out. Most kids would be better off doing a year reading Meditations and understanding it than almost any other year they do from 4-16.

It might matter to her eldest child, feeling awkward and embarrassed at always being the “late one” who misses things.

No, of course you cant FORCE someome to comply, and neither would I want to (noone learns in that instance) but you can get to the bottom of WHY and work from there. Giving up is not an option. School is not optional, unless you deregister then thats on you. If you have a school.who are not supportive find another. There are plenty of APs like mine who are made to deal with these kinds of issues and we are well equipped at engaging young people back into education, I only wish families and young people would find us sooner, as we can help a lot more with a Y8 child than a Y11 child as time is so limited.

Regular, persistent lateness does matter. It affects the child, and also sets a bad example for their working life.
You can't turn up late for work, end of. Why should school be any different?

The poor mum? What about the poor child? School will have noticed a pattern and have raised this very informally at the door of the school with mum. They are acting in the best interests of the child, they can clearly see an impact. Mums reaction is normal (maybe slightly anxious but she has a lot going on) because she clearly cares about her child and wants the best for him or her. Id be worried if she came on her ranting about the school and refusing to look at getting her child there on time.

Sounds like you are really angry at schools. Schools are mandated by the government for the policies and procedures they have to follow, maybe direct your anger there.

I feel you ! I'm in the same position and we had a condescending "we all make mistakes" comment from the teacher when we practiced the wrong spelling words. I'm barely surviving, so they're lucky we even practiced any ! I wouldn't worry at all. You're going your best and our school are exactly the same, they are pressured with things like lateness and attendance because of government targets and league tables. Just keep going and don't stress about lateness you are doing a brilliant job ! As a workmate said "there worse things in the world to worry about than being a bit late"

It will happen to all parents who's kids are late regulary or sometimes don't turn up at all, it happens in workplaces too

Get up earlier and put things out the night before its not difficult

Sounds so tough, I could never be a teacher, hats off and applause to everyone in the teaching profession still sticking it out!

I'm similar in that I had (very recently) a baby that never slept, toddler and school age child. The only thing I'd delay leaving for school for was a stinky nappy, everything else I strapped them in a double buggy screaming and just went for it! If it helps mine are now 2, 3 and 9 and its 100 times easier and we havent been late for a long time.
I'd cut yourself a lot of slack but just accept there might be screaming on the school run!

Completely agree with this. Her post was pathetically soft and an eye roller.

Also as a Russian woman the remarks about the temperature humoured me.

Since when did getting your kids to school become such a challenge in life? Never heard so many excuses than on this thread. They don’t want to leave the house? Make them. Who is the adult here 🙄

Thats not the same thing.

I'm saying if someone says no - that's it - you can't FORCE them to comply. Sure you're aware of demand avoidance, regardless of the long term, if they say no, you're screwed and you can't get them in to school.

The point being - it doesn't matter if you're late for school. not really. not in the big scale of things

And this poor OP Mum worrying about being put on a list? Give me a break, sometime soon we all as parents have ACTUAL problems to deal with and it sure as hell is not this.

Stop being so melodramatic. It's this that stops people getting the needful done. Wake up 10 minutes earlier, breastfeed/bottlefeed baby in bed or give them a bottle to take on the walk to school, put the 2 little ones into a double buggy, give the toddler some fruit/cereal bar and sneak their shoes or at least some socks on then head out. It's not minus temps in most of the uk right now and they're hardly going to burst anyone's eardrums on an open playground whilst you wait for the doors to open even if they are fuming at you so stop catstrophising. Honestly when did we start finding it so difficult to cope with the basics of life?!

Well yes the answer is obviously that she needs to leave earlier. But getting 3 kids up and ready to leave the house can definitely be difficult.

So you have a screaming baby a screaming toddler that is out in minus degree temperatures without shoes on and a small child who is probably from listening to their siblings screaming with hunger cold and frustration.

Way to start a day. But at least they are early

But if they are early all the parents waiting with their children and the teachers have to listen to the screaming and crying as well.

I second this. My resolution three yar ago was just this and it is indeed life-changing

Ive never failed a young person no. We have young people who have been out of mainstream for years....if we can help them to attend and they begin regulary attending with us, they achieve a qualification with me. I call that a great success. Going from nothing to attending regulary and achieving a qualification is phenomenal, but so is seeing the change in their self esteem, confidence and the way they carry themselves.

I know you said you will bow out so may not get an answer but genuine question here.

How narrow is the time window to get into the school?
My two are both pre school age but there is a primary school at the end of the road and from what I can see there teachers stand outside the school gate welcoming kids in over a roughly 10 minute window so if you were getting their 5 minutes early rather than 3-7 minutes late there may not be any waiting around?

I did it - DD1 reception DS 2 and DD2 young baby - DH working away in week no family nearby for backup - and then subsquent years as well.

You have to have an eye on the clock and build in time for things to go wrong.

Op appears to be trying to arrive just in time and I really can't see how that works with kids that young let alone with walking in which we also did - as they do have days the go slower or faster.

It is stressful but building in that extra time to do things and get places - really does help.

It also made an impression as well on kids as by secondary got there well before doors opened in comparsison to their peer often up to 30 minutes late despite walking in.

I remember saying to my 4 year old one time, that we were early for school and she said what does early mean mummy?! It obviously wasn't a common occurance in the preschool years. I think when days are so full its very easy to cram everything in and always leave just on time, but it doesnt work. I changed my mindset to always leave 10 minutes earlier than I think, and it was probably the kindest thing I did for myself in those early years, suddenly life was much calmer. I didnt apply it just to the school run, I applied it to everytime I left the house and it sounds ridiculous to say it but it was life changing!! x

Not an excuse.
You put the baby in the pram and delay the feed
You get a double buggy and put toddler in it, or take it out with no shoes on. Carry sandals for 10 metres time when they decide that is uncomfortable.
You leave the house earlier
You do what you need to do to get your child to school on time.

Absolutely no judgement here but you need to plan to be early by at least 10 minutes. We spend at least 5-10 minutes waiting outside the school gates every day and it's boring especially in this weather but we are also never late. Set an alarm on your phone for 5 minutes before you want to leave the house and then just start chucking people in the buggy whether they are fully ready or not. No one will bat an eyelid at a 2 year old in PJs or a baby breastfeeding sat on a wall or bench/in a sling.

Is it an option to ask another school parent to pick your child up on the way? It's likely that there may be someone literally walking past your house every day who could help, and if they just have one school aged child they may enjoy having another kid to chat to. Or can you sign your child up to breakfast club, and then you can get your child to school at any point between 8-9 every day? It may be easier to just wake up, run them to school with the others in PJs then sort them out after.

Oh god. The fact that you have a stomach in knots says it all - you are not neglectful and if they scratch the surface they will see this. You’re doing all you can while in the trenches. A few minutes is nothing and it sounds like one or two changes to routine (feed shifting, toddler deciding they will play ball) and you’ll be there on time. Can you speak to the teacher on your own terms (ie not let them ambush you after a stressful morning!) and explain the situation - they will probably want to know you’re aware and doing your best to mitigate things making you late

You've never failed. never?

This is what we call a fib.