School say they're monitoring lateness now and I feel sick about it

OP I am so sorry you're feeling like this. Just wanted to say that I understand completely that panicky feeling when you are sleep deprived and already feeling on the edge, and then someone says something to you that starts a chain of thoughts that spiral a bit. I think when you have young kids (mine are now 14 and 8), things sometimes are just very very hard - and the fact that you are trying to make sure everyone is ok, happy and fed is amazing! Anyone who is sending you unsympathetic replies clearly has their own issues - and I wonder if they have loving relationships themselves. There are some people here who are the definition of smug - and appear to have no empathy. I am a teacher and my son is actually in the same year group as me. He does a morning intervention with another teacher, my colleague, before school a few days a week with a small group of children. I am very grateful to her for doing it, as it's her own time, but getting there that bit earlier, (8.15 rather than 8.35) does make things really challenging, and we have been late a few times on the days I am not teaching myself (and don't have to be in at the crack of dawn!) My youngest son has real issues with clothes and sometimes, however early we start to get ready, he will just freak out about a sock, a shoe or anything really just as we are about to leave. Sometimes I lose my temper and just force him to leave, but other times I make an active decision to just put his needs first, cuddle him, give him a minute and surrender to being late. As a teacher and a mum I believe that if a child is dysregulated, hasn't eaten breakfast, or if it's just a tricky morning at home that sorting these things out rather than running out of the door with everyone crying, unfinished breakfasts, just to get into school on time means that it's very hard for little people to focus, or feel calm. Sometimes, however early you start, however organised you are, things go wrong. Having said that, I think the poster who suggested giving yourself a fake deadline has nailed it - that's what I do to myself and the kids - we all aim to be 15 mins early for everything - never manage that but it does mean we're USUALLY on time. When they were tiny though we were often late for things.
Not sure I'm being very clear, but basically I'm saying - you are doing a wonderful job, you are clearly very nurturing and kind, the teacher has probably been told to do a blanket crack down on lateness and had to say something. It is not personal. If you feel able and not too emotional about it, I would suggest asking to chat to the teacher and explain that you are struggling at the moment and would appreciate a little bit of grace just while you go through this phase. It is only a small period of your life but I know that at the moment it feels huge. It won't always feel like this. Your children will sleep and you will sleep too. Much love to you! X

If you are struggling overall, please reach out to your Health Visitor or Community Child Health Nurse/School nurse and any mother and toddler groups for support, your mental health matters too. Also chat to the teacher.

And like others have said - the two under school age don't need to be perfect prior to leaving the house - you can sort that when you've done the drop off.

My kids are a bit older now (but all 3 still in primary) and getting up earlier is the main thing here.. you are consistently a few minutes late - so you dont need much extra time - even 15 minutes would be a huge help by the sounds of it. We use timers so we have a 10 minute and 5 minute warning before we need to leave. I also do what ppl suggested and in my head we need to be there for 8.30 even though the gates dont open until 8.35. Also lower your standards for the little one - as long as they aren't hungry or wet they can get ready for the day when you get back from the school run.

Good luck!

Not very helpful...

Op, You could try winding all your clocks ten minutes forward....I really don't know how anyone gets 3 kiddos ready to get out of the house, and to a time schedule.

You're doing a great job, and on little sleep, it's really hard.

It will get easier....

I so wish I could help you out. Being a young mum is so hard! I am an old granny now but I remember those days as if it was yesterday! Could you reach out to your community or maybe another mum to give you some support in the morning? I used to be a teacher and this monitoring is a required routine by schools. It is not personal at all although I can imagine I would have felt the same as you did if I had been told my lateness was being monitored. In my days it wasn’t, we didn’t have the pressure young mothers face nowadays.
The toddler sounds like the one that needs to be cajoled somehow to get you to school on time. Could you promise him/her something to look forward to, like a special activity with you on the school run return? Good luck OP, you’ll get there.

There is always some smart arse in these threads who say the most insensitive things.
This is you 👆

Op- a lot of us have been there. Life isn’t always plain sailing and every family looks different. Do as everyone says and try your best to get there a bit earlier. Re turning yourself inside out over this, please try and relax. Concentrate on the things you can do rather than why you can’t. Lack of sleep won’t be helping you and it sounds incredibly stressful for you .
Take care . X

I hope you are still reading OP because I want to send you sympathy and hugs. Hopefully the fully getting ready the night before and a few extra minutes built in will do the trick.
I think it really does matter for the sake of your eldest to get there on time, so they don’t arrive anxious, rushing and taking the last seat etc. You’ve got this, and can enjoy the walk with those extra minutes built in. You’ll also have time for a last hug and smile with the eldest then.

Old school here . It's called manners ! You would be angry if your own plans were scuppered. This post simply says me me me.

They have to bring it up or they wouldn't be doing their job. It is just very difficult for some families, especially ehen you have multiple kids and a new baby. Just tell them you are doing your best. You can't do better than your best. Stop worrying!

Try to get it in perspective, it’s not the end of the world, yes try to do everything a few mins earlier, but at the end of the day you can only do your best, deep breath and chill x

I used to foster and with one sibling group I was just about ALWAYS late, did everything, all the prep, aiming to set off earlier- yet always late. I got pulled in a meeting- with the deputy sat next to me- school had never addressed it with me but told all social workers.
so I understand your pain and know it’s not negligence or carelessness and well understand the increase in pressure and stress it puts you under.

Honestly I wouldn't worry about it. Really. Get them there, having had their breakfast and let the school monitor it. You sound like you've enough on your plate without worrying about if you're 5 minutes late.

This sort of thing is getting worse and worse. And it will unless there's pushback from parents. School children are not in the military ffs. They are children!

By being late frequently you are disrupting the school schedule/organization and using up their good will. A"few minutes" can disrupt the teacher collecting the kids and starting the day.
I remember years ago they shut down the road we usually drive on and we were over 30 min late. The office said "Oh that's fine. We know you're always on time, so its okay." She paused and added, " some people are always late and its a problem". Don't be some people. Get up earlier. Listen to their message.

Yes , it’s so rude and insensitive. It’s giving the op anxiety and they could have dealt with it far more discreetly

Exactly how l approach it with our regular lates

I'm not being a "bitch" - that's misogynistic btw.
I'm giving her the solution she is going out of her way to avoid.

Bringing her child late to school is teaching her child that it's okay to be late - but it's not - it's unfair to the rest of the class for a start and early habits impact people later on in life. Being late to work is THE easiest way in the world to fire someone legally.

Getting up 15 or 30 minutes earlier will also take a lot stress away because she won't be rushing any more. I'm saying this as someone who was habitually late to school due to my own chaotic home situation. I had a tough love teacher at age 8 who set me right and I thank her for it still.

She kept me in detention for 30 minutes every time I was late even by 1 minute.
It worked.

A little tip I had was the doors opened at 8.30 and closed at 8.45. Instead of aiming for 8.45, I aimed for 8.30 at the latest and this then gave us a 15 minute buffer so I was never late again.
Have a think about your morning routine and aim to leave 15 minutes earlier than you do now.
Good luck.

What happens at our school is they monitor attendence and that includes lates, if it drops to a certain amount your called in for a meeting with the head to discuss it
The head can pass your details on to the fines dept and you can get a fine or a court summons the same as they do for term time holidays
Honestly its ridiculous! The main thing is they can see your getting them to school, a few mins late should not matter at this stage , you have a baby and a toddler aswell , it will get better as they get older
Anyone can see your trying your best
Maybe ask to speak to the head yourself and explain how stressful it is so that they know the situation and can see your doing everything you can on very little sleep
Stay strong and try not to worry it will all be ok

Ridiculous isn’t it. The forced solidarity between women is incredibly pretentious sometimes.

Just reading your posts feel like you are completely at the edge and overwhelmed. I sympathise immensly. Perhaps shifting both wake-up time and bedtime to 15-30 mins earlier could help.
Just to add, i hope you get even a bit of time for yourself to rest and re-energise.

FFS! I can only assume that you haven't got any children yourself, but whether you have or not, your answer seems to scream 'Ah Ha, the OP is very stressed, and already thinking that her DC's teacher must be thinking negative things about her' what can I - Skybluepinky - do to ensure that she keeps on being really stressed?'

If your reply was genuinely supposed to be helpful, then I apologise for misinterpreting your reasons for saying what you said. I know that these days teachers, and anyone really, who spends regular time with children on a professional basis, have been - or should have been - taught to look out for signs of abuse and neglect for the children in their care. But what @oBoltFire has told us here, does not, in my opinion, sound like the teacher was worrying about neglect or abuse. I think that they were literally only trying to encourage the OP to get her dear child to school on time!

They will already know that the OP's DC doesn't come to school in dirty clothes, or smelling unwashed, or with unexplained bruises on their body, or even a seemingly very withdrawn personality. If the school had any safeguarding issues, I think it would be highly unlikely that a teacher would be authorised to give an almost off the cuff remark about the tardiness of her DC.

OP, I think that you have already been given quite a lot of good suggestions on how to try to get your DC to school on time, which you seem to have understood and agreed with, so I am not going to rack my brain trying to think of any other suggestions, especially as I think that you are going to be fine
now. 😊 There will, of course, always be occassions when "the best laid plans of mice and ....", so you will almost certainly have the odd hiccup along the way, just like most of the rest of us! 💐

You need to leave the house earlier

It’s very difficult and I’ve been there when your baby kicks off for a feed but you need to get to school. The only answer is to get up early even if you’ve had no sleep. Get up, throw some clothes on, shove the little ones in a buggy - nobody knows they aren’t dressed yet if they have coats on. Give your toddler a snack and a bottle for your baby en route. Then get out the door. It does get easier, even if your other two are crying you just need to remember the main priority is getting to school on time. It’s not nice for your school child to be late everyday.

Honestly - it seems like you’re doing bloody well considering. We all know how hard it is with a baby who doesn’t sleep whilst trying to still function in normal society!

please check with the schools ‘opening hours’ some schools have a greater window for accepting children to be ‘on time’. My school had a 15 minute window- so gates open at x time. And close 15 minutes later. New head teacher meant this window narrows to 5 minutes- queue lots of children being ‘late’. Of course they were technically late, but realistically, adjusting takes time and effort from all the kids. Once you’ve mastered it, it will be the norm!

Dont stress for the time being. Just work on getting your kids there- you can only be late once , and I’m sure they would rather you be late than not at all! Work on your routine for the morning, and play around with different ideas - and find one that works for you. There is no one size fits all with parenting. There will be a time where the baby actually sleeps and this will be a distant memory- for now find YOUR feet, and work around it.
id rather someone turn up describing a fully
normal Morning with children than not turning up at all!

good luck - you’ve got this