Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School say they're monitoring lateness now and I feel sick about it

556 replies

oBoltFire · 21/01/2026 18:53

I cant stop thinking about this and feel really stupid for how upset I am but I need a reality check. At drop off this morning the teacher took me aside and said they need to “monitor lateness” because we’ve been late again today and its becoming a pattern. She wasnt horrible about it but it felt very formal and I could feel my face burning and my stomach drop. We are talking a few minutes late, not half an hour, but its happened more than it should. Mornings are honestly chaos here, I’ve got a baby who barely sleeps and needs feeding right when we should be leaving, a toddler who refuses shoes one minute and then melts down the next, no car so we walk it, and by the time we get out the door something always seems to go wrong. I know everyone has stuff going on and Im not special, but it really isnt from lack of trying or not caring. I already feel like I’m constantly failing at the school run and this just tipped me over. I cant shake the feeling they think I’m unreliable or neglectful or just not bothered, which couldnt be further from the truth. Sorry this is long, Im just replaying it over and over in my head and feeling sick with shame about it.

Am I overreacting to the word monitoring or is this actually serious? Does this lead to letters or fines or worse if it carries on? Has anyone else had this conversation with school and it came to nothing once things improved, or should I be genuinely worried about this now? I feel ridiculous for how anxious I am but I also cant tell if I should be taking this as a massive warning sign or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
oBoltFire · 21/01/2026 19:08

I know youre probably all right and I do need to take a breath about it, it just really knocked me because it feels like Im constantly on the back foot at the moment. We do try and get stuff ready the night before but then the baby is up half the night and Im running on fumes by morning so everything feels harder than it should. The school one is actually fine most mornings, its more the juggling of the other two and timing feeds that seems to derail us. I think I need to be more ruthless about what actually matters and stop trying to make everyone ready and fed and calm before we leave, because clearly that isnt working. I might try leaving earlier and just accepting we’ll stand around near school for a bit if we get there too soon rather than always cutting it fine. Reading that this is likely about nipping it in the bud rather than them thinking the worst does help, even if my stomach is still in knots about it. I really dont want to be that parent they have their eye on but I also know this is a phase and Im not always going to have a baby and a toddler in tow.

OP posts:
Moonnstarz · 21/01/2026 19:05

Schools need to monitor things like this as it could be part of a bigger picture e.g late to school, wearing dirty clothes, not having a drink or snack etc all might indicate early help is needed.

I think you know that you are repeatedly late so as others have suggested can you look at ways to manage it. Leaving earlier than you need to could be one idea.

pinksheetss · 21/01/2026 19:03

How late are you?
I believe they do it for all late shows, not that they believe you are neglectful. The could offer up some support and advice if it’s an issue you are struggling with.

Would leaving earlier be an option at all or are you stuck with certain timings etc?
Sympathy here OP, I find getting out the door the most stressful time and also do the walk to nursery and throw in weather changes and all sorts and it’s tough going.
I have just had to train my brain into thinking we need to leave ten minutes earlier than we actually do and so far it’s making the mornings a lot better

takealettermsjones · 21/01/2026 19:02

Oof I feel this - been there! You don't mention the school child causing any problems - if that's right then you're already nailing half the battle, because at this point they're the only one who has to be fed/dressed/presentable 🤣 as PPs, the others don't need shoes, they don't need breakfast, just shove 'em in a double buggy with a banana each and off we go!

TheLurpackYears · 21/01/2026 19:00

Solidarity, t’s crappy when you are trying to do so much and it doesn’t easily fall into place. It will come to nothing once this phase is over, and they will have seen it 100 times. They haven’t put anything in writing, you could check the schools website for their attendance policy- the school will be under pressure to improve their attendance too.
Have you got any ideas what you could do? Are the older 2 children walking and the baby is in a pram? Does the middle one absolutely need shoes if it’s in the pram? Could the baby be in a sling? I hate slings, but it might be a way of streamlining the whole process.

billiongulls · 21/01/2026 19:00

Try not to get stressed! I imagine that it is a pattern and they just want to nip it in the bud. So you need to have a think about you can make the mornings work better for you. Do you get everything ready the night before? Can you start to get ready to leave earlier? Can the baby have a banana or something in the buggy?

Swipe left for the next trending thread