School say they're monitoring lateness now and I feel sick about it

Can you get a double buggy off marketplace or eBay?

That you feel more put out by having to wait outside a little bit than you are about disrupting everyone else with your lateness is incredibly telling.

It sounds like you have anxiety about being there too early. In several of your posts you mention leaving it so you aren't there too soon or standing around like a lemon. Is this the bigger issue that's going on?

It sounds like you've been trying to time it so you get there dead on time and aren't waiting around with two little ones 'looking like a lemon'. It's understandable but I think you're just going to have to bite the bullet and aim to get there 10 minutes earlier. It's really important that your eldest gets to school on time.

Are you suffering with social anxiety OP? Maybe you could do with a visit to the dr?

Perhaps a double buggy would be faster? I imagine the toddler messing about is not helping?

Many moons ago when I had a toddler, newborn and school age I used to stick newborn in sling, toddler in a pram suit in a buggy, quite often with a breakfast to eat, some Cheerios or bread sticks or fruit and eldest was up, fed dressed and ready to go. It meant that the only one I needed to get ready properly was the school age the other 2 could get ready after I got back. Toddler was well trained that it was buggy too school but could walk home if they wanted, baby wanted feeding endlessly so I quite often tried to offer a feed just before we needed to leave then just pray we made it to school and back. The school had a sort of "soft launch" to the school day so children should arrive by 8:45 but the gates weren't locked/register wasn't taken til 9am so I felt like I had a little wiggle room.

What could school do? Genuine question.

If you’re consistently a few minutes late then the easy fix is to shift the whole routine forward by 15 mins.

Your school child is missing the first few mins of many days… that’s not ok and it does matter. You’re lucky that they appear to be a good coper, but maybe school are seeing negative effects. As they get older they’ll definitely notice always being late, missing time with their friends, not having the time to settle or hear the morning notices etc. They didn’t choose to have multiple siblings so yeah, I think you do need to do better. It doesn’t sound like you’re working so you don’t have that juggle to manage on top, can just wear casual clothes etc.

What time do you get up and what’s the usual routine?

Its just really disruptive having kids coming in late. Takes longer to start ect.

I have 3 with less than two years between each. Younger two literally got nappy change and a snack then shoved into the double buggy in snowsuits to get the oldest to school. Then sorted them out properly once home. Always left a good 10 mins extra when going to the school.

One one side, posters on MN pretend that kids are all up in bed by 6pm and up by 5 am (they're not 😂)

but make it sound like 8am is outrageously early and impossible to achieve. It's a weird way to look at it.

but they do?

Even if it means going for 8:15 instead of 8:30 (so if you are late, you are not late...) there's no reason why you can't just start " a few minutes" earlier and be on time? How do people manage to catch train/ planes and so on?

It's not fair on the kids.

It's always the same people who are late, because they are more casual with time, which is why they generally don't get any sympathy.

Agree with all of this

OP well done for even making it out the house pre 9am! I feel your pain, that chasing your tail feeling is so strong when they’re little and their sleep/poo schedule is utter chaos

the “prep the night before” advice is well meaning but it’s very difficult to achieve this when come 6pm you’re already half dead and still need to do bedtime

Talk to the school and explain your situation but in the meantime give yourself a break and don’t be so hard on yourself. It’ll get better and life will be more manageable before you know it xx

Also there may be pressure on the school.
We know we are due OFSTED and despite all the chat about it being better, everything we’ve heard from those who’ve done it say it is harder and far more draconian.
We’ve had an advisor in and he has told us that turning a blind eye to lateness will massively count against us.
We have one family for example who are routinely late. 3 kids, 2 have SEN (and are in alternative provision). We have the NT child but we know their mornings are tough. We’ve been advised that we may need to start fining. We are all appalled by this idea - they are doing their best in very stressful circumstances but if it affects our OFSTED then we may have no choice.

Children need to be in school on time there are no excuses for constant lateness

But they haven't. They have said they are monitoring attendance, so keeping it factual.

If the OP is having trouble getting to school on time then perhaps she could say to them she is struggling with 3 young children. The school can't change the attendance mark, but could help with other agencies or within school itself if whether she needs someone to help with routines at home or even own welfare.

Does your school have a set time to be in? As we have a soft approach where gates are open for 10 mins for children to arrive any time within that timeframe. Older children read/change books during this time and younger ones have settling activities. If your child is late each day then they might be missing these parts of the school day.

Timers and false deadlines are your friend here. (Set your home clocks 10/15 minutes later than the actual time). Make sure your school aged child has a set time for teeth brushed, shoes & coat on etc: everything by the door the night before so as you can literally just grab and go.

Get more organised and you will feel much less stressed I promise. (Your child will also benefit from not being continuously late) I also have to schedule twice the amount of time I think something will take (especially walking with kids)

try that for a week and if it works maintain. (And give yourself a treat!)

Good luck. It will come good if you just get a handle on it. 💐

Another suggestion is to change all your clocks or timers to 15 minutes fast. So you will think that you will arrive late, but in theory you should arrive early !

It IS incredibly difficult in your position, but still I think you need to find a strategy to make it work. I’d just aim to be there at an earlier time than necessary. If you need to be there by 8.45, plan to be there at 8.30. That way, even if something does happen and you run late, you’ll still be on time. But you have to be strict with yourself, don’t spend more time in the morning because ‘it’s actually 8.45 I have to be there’.

I do sympathise, im sure most do who have two or more children, school.runs with a newborn in tow are horrendous.

Ive never been late tho. Im either painfully early or just a bit early, that way, if things go wrong (as they tend to) there is wiggle room.

The baby will get older but it wont get easier (sorry!) You will always be juggling things, managing minor or major disasters all whilst trying to get small people and yourself out of the house. If you tell yourself you need to be there 20 minutes before you do, you give yourself that wiggle room.

I find I have spent all of motherhood so far rushed. This is the common denominator. I accept it rather than resist it then it doesnt seem as bad. As your children get older yoy will be busier, rushing them to clubs etc its just manic. Better to get a handle on it now.

And now, time for some tough love.
Im a teacher. You are doing your child a disservice by getting them there late. They are missing a crucial start to the day routine that may make them unsettled and disrupt their learning and others. As a one off, once a year, yeah ok, but clearly this is regular enough for the teacher to pull you up on it.
No, the dont do it mildly. And no they aren't a jobs body. Clearly the lateness is impacting your child, the class and the teacher enough to raise it.
Think also how your child might feel going in late and the mindset they take into class.

It is a bloody struggle. Weve all been there, but there are ways to do it and not be regulary late 👍

I find getting places on time hard.

Often the school age child is the only one who is fed and dressed for the school run.

I am always dressed but usually not fed. I eat when I get home.

Toddler is usually fed but not dressed. Just has a jumper and coat over pjs.

We run to school most days but we are always just about on time.

Somedays I forget things but the school always manage. Anything really important I drop off later. I think you’re right OP that you maybe need to lower your standards about what mornings look like.

I have been there. Having to get DD2 to preschool for 9am in a different town (that made sense because my mum lives there and did most of the drops and pick ups when I am working) after DS was born was not always smooth sailing. He would always demand feeding just as we needed to leave so I would try and pre-empt it or get there mega early to feed him there. There were days where it just didn’t happen on time. Luckily, the staff were always so lovely and understanding.

I have definitely had to learn to get as much ready as possible the night before. Lunches are all made and in the fridge. Our kids wake up early so we usually have a good 2 hours to get them all ready. The older two need to be dressed, toileted and had breakfast before they play with anything. It does get easier.

Well this isn't true. Many families are late, which is why schools do stuff about it.

OP it's telling that you are only now considering 'accepting we'll stand around near school for a bit if we get there too soon' - this is what you should have been aiming for all along, not always aiming to be getting there just in the nick of time. That's what being 'on time' really means - allowing not just 'enough' time but more than enough

In my experience this attitude is really common in people who are late all the time, they don't enjoy waiting around so try and avoid it and end up late as a result, but it's actually rude. It means whoever you are meeting (in this case, the class teacher) is made to hang around waiting for you when they should not have to.

it sounds like you have a proper morning juggle @oBoltFire can your partner help out a bit more with getting the kids ready? Or even stay with the toddler while you do the school run (and go to work after that, or whatever)?