School say they're monitoring lateness now and I feel sick about it

Hey OP. So I would say your ‘feeling sick’ and anxiety about it is because it feels out of control. There is nothing you can do about what has already happened but gain control by making a clear list of what will help in the morning and what you want to change. Then feel proud of you do some of those things - learn from what wasn’t possible and adjust and go again. Concentrate your energy on fine tuning your plan. You can do this!

But other parents are, by definition, not childless, most have more than 2 and .. they manage, because they have to. It's not optional to be on time.

Again, it's always the same ones who are consistently late. Everybody can have the occasional disaster, but there's absolutely no excuse for being consistently late, it's a choice.

Most teachers have children, many TA have children. How would you feel if the school was opening late because the staff is late, because they had to deal with their own primary school kids - who are often in different school, it's sadly rare for teachers to teach in their catchment and have kids in the same school.

OP, I really feel this and and I think you’ve had some needlessly unkind comments in and amongst the more supportive ones! I just wanted to say, not sleeping at night is AWFUL. Some people might have forgotten how bad it is even to be up once or twice a night let alone for hours. And in my experience tiredness makes anxiety a lot worse. Particularly thoughts which follow this pattern: “Has something I’ve done in the past (ie being a couple of mins late to school) going to cause terrible consequences in the future?” So maybe lateness is an issue, maybe it’s not, but I find a tired anxious mind doesn’t really care about factual reality, it’s just looking for anything to cling to, so it can be anxious about something! And when you do start getting some full nights’ sleep, everything will seem brighter. Wishing you the best, and whether it’s lateness or something else, we have ALL struggled at some point.

How old is the toddler? Could you get a cheap double buggy off Ebay so you can bung them both in it? I loved my ebay out n about when mine were tiny. Agree with someone above about just sticking the two little ones in snowsuits over their PJs. If no time for breakfast give them a banana/toast to munch on the way. Kitchen clock set ten mins fast. I even used to set an alarm at one point to remind me we needed to leave. If toddler is older more like 3 you could bribe with scooter or going a 'fun way' if you leave on time. It gets easier just hang in there- and prioritise leaving by X time. You can chill with the babies after 9am!

The standard solutions apply

lay everything out the night before

get up a bit earlier

always aim to arrive 15 minutes early. You should always plan a buffer. Every parent has multiple crappy days. Only the ones who use buffers don’t have children with frequent late days.

OP you say your partner is already at work but I think he really needs to step up here

When I had a toddler and school age (you deserve a medal for adding a baby in the mix) my DH prepped all the things the night before: school bag packed, shoes laid out, checked weather and got out any hats/gloves etc

As they were both up early anyway he got them both up and dressed before going into work.

They were dressed 45 mins before they needed to be but it meant I only had the pain of getting them out the door and delivered to nursery/school.

I think he needs to step up here where he can

Lots of people have multiple children, yes it’s stressful but you need to try and arrive early.

Actually I doubt there are that many people with a reception child, toddler, non sleeping baby AND no OH help in the mornings. There will be a few in this position yes, and they may also struggle to be on time for a few months. Many may struggle worse than the OP, I think she’s doing pretty well actually.

OP I suspect some of the less sympathetic posters have never had a baby who doesn’t sleep. Or if they did they have wiped it from their memory. It makes everything ten times harder.

They might tell you off as it's disruptive for children to be late often but I have sympathy for you. It sounds like a difficult phase and you'll get through the other side before you know it. Just apologise and try not to think about the school.

Massive solidarity @oBoltFire! That all sounds completely normal.

Teachers these days just talk in these kind of management-y buzzwords. Anyone can get into the profession, which means that it's a very mixed bag. They are badly paid and overworked and love a power trip. "Monitoring" indeed!

I'm guessing your child is at primary? Primary is better than secondary, which is where the real authoritarianism kicks in. So take it easy, ignore the crazy rubbish they spout and enjoy the relative sanity while you can! (And congratulations on your baby!)

It would be a good idea to talk to someone at school (home/school liaison, pastoral lead or H/T) about your situation. They may be able to offer support but they won't if they don't know you need it.
Is there a Walking Bus that could pick up your oldest child and take them to school, leaving you at home to sort out the others? That would remove a lot of the stress and mean that you could concentrate on getting the oldest DC ready to leave on time.

We have issues getting out of the house on time. I pack bags the night before before as well as get the uniform out.
breakfast is fairly instant such as a brioche or fruit. Sometimes eaten on the way in. I aim to leave 10 mins before we need to. We rarely do but we’re not late anymore.
I also have a timetable and if eating breakfast is taking too long they have to stop and get dressed, if they get dressed quick enough they can go back to eating breakfast.
And it can all go perfectly until we’ve got 5mins to go before we leave and then it all goes wrong. But that extra 10 mins does help.
I would consider a double buggy you’ll be able to walk faster and make up a few list minutes. We’ve been known to jog!

There are in my house

A part of it is that lessons really do start immediately in a lot of schools. Where I work, the children who are 5/10 minutes late everyday miss most of the phonics lesson teacher input and it really does impact their learning. I am sure the school are seeing it through this lense, not in a 'checking up on you' way. The days of longer registration periods are gone as there is just so much to cover and children are much more motivated in the mornings so teachers really have to make the most of every minute.

All of a sudden it will all fall into place and you will find your rhythm but it is just hard to get a consistent routine going with a toddler and baby.

Rightly or wrongly the school day has to be very structured to ensure that all the teaching that the government demands is done is done. If school starts at say 8.50, then probably by 8.55 definately by 9.00, coats will be off, bags put away, kids will be at their tables for the first task and the tasks will have been explained. If that's when your child turns up, the teacher will have to go through all that with your child separately which will take them away from supporting the rest of the students with actually doing the task. If you are more than a minute late, you are causing hassle for the teacher. Get there on time!

My child's school has a 15 minute drop off window, I just aimed for the start of that each day and it gave me 15mins wiggle room but also eliminated the waiting around that you seem to be worried about - does your child's school not have that? The thing that really makes a difference is prepping the night before and having a set time when we need to leave, even if theyre mid eating and ive not brushed my hair, its tough we have to leave at that point!
Do you have a partner OP? Could they help with anything even if its getting breakfast prepped etc

A few minutes late all adds up. It disrupts the class from starting. Lots of people have multiple children, yes it’s stressful but you need to try and arrive early.

This comment used to drive me insane when my two were in Primary. Usually from the head, who was in fact childless and didn’t have the foggiest idea how difficult it is to get a young family out the door before 8.30am!

It’s worth making the effort if you can. My kids are at university now. But occasionally they will comment that it was nice that they were never late for school or last to be collected, and their consent forms etc were always done and they had the right kit. I didn’t know they appreciated it at the time, but they said it was stressful for the kids whose lives weren’t organised.

We both worked full time and had to leave the house by 0715 since they were seven months old. It was hellish at times but worth the planning I think.

I don’t meant to sound smug at all. Sorry if I do. Just thar this stuff can matter to children.

Yes to the double buggy idea - a second hand double 360 nipper was cheap and life saving for me. I could move so much faster with the baby and toddler both strapped in. (Was also a godsend for if they both needed to nap or be kept under control in public!). Can your eldest scoot?

I don’t know how long your walk is, so maybe this wouldn’t help so much. Ours was 10-12 min at my pace pushing buggy or 25-30 min at small child walking pace!

Loads of good tips on here to be more organised, i need to follow all of them.

I woukdnt worry too much. What do you think this "monitoring", could result in?

For what its worth, ive been monitoring my weight for many years and it hasnt reduced and ive taken no action.

Be kind to yourself, you are getting your child in every day and they are healthy and well cared for.

When you say “standing around like a lemon” what do you mean by this? Is it that you don’t want to interact with others on the school run, because I’d imagine there are other parents there 10 mins early just milling about.

Im going to push everything earlier even if it means standing around looking like a lemon, because the stress of this hanging over me is worse.

I am sorry but if that was your main reason for being late, that's not reasonable. How do you think other parents manage? Unless you live literally 2mn walk bang in front of the school, you can't time your arrival to the second, and of course it involves a few minutes for contingencies.

It means you arrive a bit early, when the school doesn't let the children early on the playground, some do and maybe smile or even say hi to a couple of parents. Big deal, they're having the same issue and juggling their own kids!

This used to be us, because I experience time blindness to the point we go from being 20 minutes early to 10 minutes late and I don't even understand how.
My baby also liked to feed at school run time, and didn't sleep well either so I do really understand this.
My mental health wasn't the best which meant tackling the lateness was quite overwhelming at the time.
Teachers then started making comments to each other that my DC overheard.
I changed my babies routine a little once out of the newborn stage, and offered a feed a little early so we'd be done before school run. If DC refused then I dealt with the screaming or grumpy baby in the pram.
I set alarms on my phone every 10 minutes in the morning, and I've now created a routine so I know what point we should be at by that time.
I also tell myself we need to leave by a set time, however that time is with a 15 minute buffer so we aren't actually late. It does feel a bit like a military operation in my head though!

If your toddler isn't in a pushchair but baby is, get a buggy board if you don't already have one.

As a teacher I can say that I highly doubt that it is being ‘officially’ monitored but maybe it’s causing a little disruption when children are coming in late so it’s been suggested to have a word with parents.

If you met the teacher at the door and she said it then that means registers have not been done yet. A teacher would not go into class and do the register but pop out to let late students in - not in any school I have worked in. Once the doors close , and you have to take your child in then that’s when they will maybe get a late mark because it will be reception who mark them in. If the teacher hasn’t yet completed the register then it still wouldn’t be officially late. I have never managed to complete my register within a few minutes of the bell going . So from the sounds of it , your child won’t be marked late so it won’t even be on record . I personally ( although have been out of mainstream school now for 2 years ) don’t know any registration system where a teacher actually puts a late mark - it’s usually just an absent or present - then saved and that’s it. They usually need to be done by a certain time - so it’s only if the reception staff decide to put a late mark before registers have been sent or the teacher has sent the register within minutes of the bell.

I will say though - and I know you’re trying , and it’s hard , I’m a mother myself I understand- but lateness is sometimes even more disruptive than absence if it’s a lateness when work has started. In an absence you know what work needs to be caught up ( although still annoying don’t get me wrong lol ) but with lateness the pupil is still expected to Complete the work but have probably missed the input which makes it harder for them

I was one of the habitually late kids, it’s an awful feeling and stays with you forever from my experience, so it’s worth trying to get it sorted and into a relatively foolproof routine.
I appreciate it can be difficult with younger kids to take on the school run.