School say they're monitoring lateness now and I feel sick about it

I set a couple of alarms so I know I/we’re on track and my ready to go out the door alarm is at least 15 minutes earlier than it needs to be (and longer if not so local).

The toddler will learn eg shoes on alarm, toddlers usually thrive on consistent routine and clear boundaries.

Most tricky is your DB has got into a habit of wanting to feed at that time, suggest you need to build the feed in to your routine fairly close to leaving, but offer it earlier, don’t wait for them to demand.

If they won’t take it but want it just as you are going out the door you will just have to go in the pram until you have done the drop off. In the next couple of days they will get used to taking the slighter earlier feed.

You can then have a much more enjoyable experience of the walk to school rather than feeling on the back foot to potentially being in tearing panic every day.

When you say late, are the doors still open or does your child have to go through the office? What helps me (we struggle to get out of the house, meltdowns etc) is knowing that going through the office isn’t nice for a child, it’s embarrassing walking into class and a bit disorientating because everyone else is doing something that you’re probably going to be told not to bother starting. I have to be brutal and we set off even if everything isn’t perfect.

Do you have any help OP? Is dad in the picture?

Ignore some of the cruel replies here by the way. Only incredibly sad people try to kick a struggling mum who is trying while she’s down xxx

Well that's not true is it - DS was always late from reception onwards. Trying to get there on time meant dragging and carrying a highly distressed, crying and screaming child the whole way there. Leaving ten minutes later meant he was a bit sulky but went willingly.

Turned out he was autistic, found transitions difficult and couldn't handle the noise and chaos at the start of the day.

Hi
as a senior leader in a school is just about systems. Often staff forget that they are dealing with actual people with stuff going on. The long and short of it it’s..they’re monitoring lateness so? What will happen? If I were you I would speak with someone at the school and explain your circumstances and the efforts you are going to to be on time. Often a reminder that you’re a mum just doing her best goes a long way.

She isn't really asking for help though is she? She's asking for society to permit her to be late. She's asking for her child to routinely suffer the attention and embarrasment of being late. She's asking for permission for her child to miss their first few minutes of lessons routinely. The likelihood is that this is Maths or some other very important skill. She's asking for permission to significantly disrupt the teacher and the other children who have arrived on time. That's why she's getting a hard time... because there isn't much else to say except that it isn't acceptable.

Might regret that when he fails his GCSE exams.

OP don’t worry. I’m a teacher, it’s our job to mention it. I’d only judge you if you were rude to staff or unkind to your child and you are obviously aren’t either!
I think what’s hard for parents is seeing it from school point of view. I have so much to fit in during a day. Register then straight on with first lesson, so annoying when the office staff bring a late child, I have to stop what I’m doing, hear why they’re late, tell them where we’re up to. This happening on repeat just gives the impression they don’t care or care about school. I appreciate when people have young children it’s hard but then I was in that position and made sure we always made it on time.

The class room doors at DS’ school open at 8.40 and close firmly at 8.45. Pupils are not admitted to the classroom after 8.45 and have to walk to the school reception, register on a computer and select a reason for their late arrival. Lessons do not actually start until 9am. I honestly think it’s ridiculous tbh. DS has occasionally arrived 1 or 2 minutes late only for his teacher to look through the class window and tell him she can’t open the door.

If the school wants to minimise disruption how on earth does it make sense to make a child who is a a couple of minutes late traipse to the school front desk to join a queue and register late on a computer, thus arriving even later than their original arrival time??

Anyway OP, sorry to hear you are struggling. It will get easier. Ignore all the hateful comments. People on MN tend to be quite rude to anyone who has 3 or more children.

Schools are under a lot more pressure these days, and pass that pressure on to parents. Take the teacher's formal tone with a pinch of salt, have a cup of tea, and when you're feeling calmer have a think about what time you would ACTUALLY have to be getting coats on in order to leave on time. Add another ten minutes for contingency. Aim for that contingency time, and I bet you'll find in reality that you end up on time but with very little to spare for waiting around.

Do you go straight back home after the school run? If so, give the littles an easy, non messy breakfast before you go, but them being dressed by then is a nice-to-have. Baby/toddler night and day clothes are basically the same anyway - under a coat no-one will be able to tell! Take a coffee for yourself in a flask and have your own breakfast when you get back.

You need to set your alarm 10 mins earlier. Your tardiness is disrupting other people's children's learning. I don't know how many times my kids complained to me that they have to keep going over the same things again because some other kid was late and the teacher had to start at the beginning again. Very annoying to the teacher and other pupils in the class who are being disrupted.

9.30?

Op, not sure if you’ll back to this thread after some of the comments but you don’t say if you have a buggy board for the toddler?
I found having one a such a help, in those moments where a stroppy toddler doesn’t want to walk, or get in a buggy (used to put baby in a sling and try and entice toddler in to a pram) mine used to love riding on the board, usually clutching a snack (I know bribery is frowned upon!) but whatever gets you through the morning!

Indeed. Seems a bit of an odd username for someone who thinks “sod the school rules” also

Suggesting that they pay for breakfast club instead of OP simply setting an alarm ten minutes earlier is baffling, sorry.

What’s that got to do with saying sod the school and their stupid rules?

What help or advice is there really other than “leave earlier”? That’s the answer.

You don't have any control over your child if they just. say.no.

They can, and they do.

The trick is to convince yourself that you MUST get there 10 to 15 minutes before you actually need to be there.
That was what I did when mine were in primary. Doors were open between 8:35 and 8:45am. I had 8:30am as my “time I must be there”.

This. I know a few parents who are routinely late. They started from day 1 thinking the time they had to be there was 8.45, which is the time the gate closes.

I always always always had in mind that i had to be there at 9.30, when it opens.

Im yelling at my kids that they are late/no time for a last wee/if you haven't got your recorder you're going without it.... and we'll be walking in 8.40.

just get up tomorrow and keep going. We all have bumps along the way, you are doing your best and this is your first experience with school so take it on the chin and keep going. Good luck x

No one is saying that they are going to be damaged for life by being late for school. That’s silly. But they DO need to get there on time. Small things are big things for young children. As someone has said above they are not getting the proper start to the school day by running in late. It’s not nice for the child. You may be wanting the answer it doesn’t matter, school won’t do anything, etc but that doesn’t mean that’s the answer you need.

Leave earlier. No one is saying it’s easy but you still need to do it.

OP isn't being 'casual with time,' though, is she, she's asking for help with her situation. Lots of people struggle with this. Our school has an attendance officer specifically to help people get in on time.

That’s an odd attitude from a parent. Sod the school and their stupid rules? You’d soon be complaining if all services were late, your g.p. still in bed instead of at the surgery, the shops shut because all the workers have thought sod it. I can hardly believe a parent has this bad an attitude (but unfortunately not at all surprised).

This. I'm a teacher, had 2 under 2, and went back to work when my youngest was 6 months old and still feeling through the night. Not easy, but I was never late to work. If you absolutely have to, you can do it. No need to be upset or anxious about this - but treat it as a wakeup call. It's hard but very doable. (Amd before anyone says i had easy kids, my eldest was a nightmare and is now diagnosed autistic).

ah ha ah, HA!

Just you wait..... you will find very soon that you have literally zero levers to make your child do anything. This is coming to you.