Colleagues that won’t shut up in work meetings

It's called Mansplaining. Some men like the sound of their own voice and think everyone around them wants to hear it too

The two (older) women that don't shut up at our meetings live alone so they want to put their verbal diaharia onto their colleagues!! Hate it!!

Omg yes its soooo annoying!!

My husband just mutes them on calls.

Exactly this

🥱

im going to go to work today and be an absolute twat to everyone because, according to mumsnet it’s ok because I probably have adhd or autism. Or dementia.

What twaddle.

This is spot on. In my workplace the person who does this definitely has some neurodiversity and struggles to gauge appropropriate behaviour at the best of times but believes that "responding" and "engaging" by rote is the way to keep people happy. There's a large helping of people pleasing involved as well: believing that showing agreement all the time and being upbeat is the way to keep people on board, partly because of a lack of strong conviction about anything and also fear of being seen to do something "wrong".

Corporate environments feed into this as well because they requires constant sycophantism and "team playing" behaviour so people who hold back on contributing or express scepticism are seen as negative or insubordinate.

It's thoroughly toxic and I imagine it must be awful to be a neurodiverse person constantly having to check yourself to make sure you demonstrate the right level of positivity.

Was going to say this too despite the risk of triggering the MN SEN gatekeepers. It's usually a total inability to read social cues combined with a learned masking response that contributing something to a group convo is important. It's usually in high-masking ADHD or AuDHD individuals who already learned in school that answering questions from the teacher leads to a desired outcome. The kids who put their hands up for everything and always contributed were rewarded for their behaviour so they internalised this as something they must do in groups. These kids become adults who cannot shut up in work meetings because they feel obliged to contribute something for the sake of contributing. Also the sort of adults who cannot close conversations at parties or leave any social gathering at a normal time.

Who is chairing the meeting? They should be controlling this. I'm like you i cannot stsnd the talking for talkings sake, and i am happy to shut it down when im chairing with 'im conscious of time, so shall we let (the subject matter expert name) take the lead on this part' or 'thats an interesting point but lets stay on topic, and if theres time at the end you can bring that to AOB' or even 'this probably isnt the format for that, but why dont you connect with (subject matter expert) offline if you have ideas/thoughts on that'

The chairs job is literally this - staying on topic, ensuring everyone (relevant) is heard and sticking to time. I also think that persind manager should feed it back - we all benefit from helpful feedback, and the person is, probably unwittingly, damaging their own credibility. If that was me, id want to know

Maybe not everyone needs to be at all of these meetings, or there for the whole meeting. If you want most of the people to just be receiving info most of the meeting time and not trying to solve a problem or contribute, you may not need a meeting, send out updates and have the conversations among the relevant people.
I agree all these things are annoying.
But... if you invite someone, or worse make them attend a meeting, you can't be all that surprised when they contribute. Or get bored and spout their inane ideas.

God I would love to be able to tell people to “shut up” at work. I have a colleague who talks out of anxiety to fill dead air. Its utterly exhausting to be around.

He twitters on constantly can’t leave a second of quiet without filling it with chat. Dull, meaningless, platitudes constantly.

He is a nice, kind person who means well and is going through various things in his life so I endure it but its so irritating I sometimes want to just shout at him: “Just be quiet for two seconds!”. I’d love to know how to deal with people like this.

I hate meetings with a passion.
Boring, the same loud mouths having an opinion on absolutely everything. All the boring, meaningless stuff is talked about first. Anything of interest is left until last when we inevitably run out of time meaning the things which directly affect us are never resolved.
This results in frustration as important issues remain unresolved and lead to frustration.
I always feel like stabbing my self in the face during these torture sessions.
Plus the loudmouths insist on rambling on and on.
The sane people don’t speak because they just want it to end.
Also any good suggestions never seems to be implemented. It’s as though the boss already has an agenda and the meeting is just a tick box exercise.

Yes, every place I've worked in has a few of these. Usually men, usually desperate to please, be noticed, or to prove how bloody astute and brilliant they are compared to the rest of us (with the same qualifications and usually more experience).

However, we currently have one who is woman..

So it's not only men, but it is mostly men. Even more so because I work in a female dominated industry. The majority of meetings are about 2:10 men:women, and yet 90% of these time-wasting try-hards are men.

One organisation I used to work with was particularly bad for this. One colleague had a reputation for absolutely wittering on in meetings, often tangentially, mostly to fill the space with her own voice. On one occasion we had a mentoring session with an outside facilitator unknown to us, and he had little patience for this. After allowing her to talk for a bit, he said loudly, “Susan, SHUT UP.” I don’t think anyone had ever said that to her before - certainly not in a professional setting - and she was shocked. She did shut up, though. (I don’t believe his actions were professional, either, and he was not invited back.)

I can be like this. But it's a result of an incompetent team who don’t speak up about anything or contribute.

Meetings, brainstorming, 121's, spreadsheets, Teams, how was your weekend/holiday chit chat .. fucking kill me, I changed my career entirely and hearing all of this makes me want to give myself a slap on the back, a hug, and a chest slam 🤣 That's all

I agree with this.

I've worked with some of the same people for about 8 year and some of them have never ever spoke in a meeting in all that time.

Not once have they had a query or contribution. Even when asked something, the mosr response is "oh yes I agree" or "nothing to add"

I find it bizarre that someone never had anything positive or negative to say.

Agreed 💯

They very likely have ADHD.

It’s not just work meetings - I have been on several voluntary committees, and some of them had people who could not shut up. On one, I was the minutes secretary so I had to record the gist of the waffle twice - note taking in the meeting, then typing them up. The time we had a member who wanted to talk about the group donating pencils for her to give to children in Peru is still an awful memory, and it happened over 20 years ago.

I do agree that it is down to poor chairing - in another meeting I was minuting, we were rewriting the contract for our choir’s conductor, and the committee apparently needed to argue about every single word. In the end, I started summarising what was being said into one clause, then reading it out, and asking for everyone’s agreement. Had I not done that, I honestly think I would still be in that bloody meeting - and the choir would have gone through 4 conductors without a new contract.

Yes! The typing in chat a “solution “ and a Google found “thing” that may relate to the discussion at EVERY BLOODY MEETING!

The opinion and “chipping in” in every meeting on every subject.

The one I work with dominates conversations & meetings with inane crap but the most annoying thing is they are an interrupter.. talk over and interrupt anything people say. If you try to carry on, they talk louder over you.

I am amused by the constant telling me “no, that’s not quite right” or “well I wouldn’t say that”, or “well no, I would see it that way”, black is white no matter what I say.
Me “oh look, it’s chucking it down outside “ them “well no, that’s not quite right, it’s drizzling with occasional downpours “..
FFS
And, not forgetting the unsolicited “advice”, down to how I need to word a conversation or email complete with the opening greeting… “you need to say, hi Peter, just touching base…” FFS, fuck off, I know how to greet someone and what to write in an email and no I didn’t ask for your bloody advice!

I have no problem with people who have things to say in meetings if they are worthwhile and interesting: people who stay silent and sneer at others for participating don’t enhance a workplace.

But I loathe professional twittering: people who take up airtime with meaningless corporate platitudes to make themselves appear keen and eager.

I work with two - one male, one female.

The man is definitely trying to asset his authority in a team where he's the only man. He spouts utter shite and makes the most awful links that just don't exist between the topics we're covering. We're analysts FFS, it's important that we get facts straight!

The woman is deeply lacking in confidence in many ways, but is also a grandstanding nightmare when she finds her feet. She waits until a few minutes after someone has finished a point then often cuts off someone else from talking and reverts the conversation back to the previous point she wants to address. It drives me insane as she's usually clarifying something very minor. The simpler the point the more likely she is to clarify it.

We have a couple of young men who always have to speak for visibility's sake. Usually just repeating what someone else (often me) has said.

There is also a woman i work with (early 30s) who is unable to speak briefly and it is not possible to interrupt here. We can have an hour's meeting and she'll take up 50 minutes of it. Annoyingly I have to have a weekly online meeting with her and another colleague. The actual content could be done in 15-20 minutes but that goes on for an hour. Ive had to just accept it and I do other work on my laptop whilst she witters on.

We also co-chair a regular meeting. I insist on an agenda and that we keep to it. I have to keep on reining her in but then when I think we've almost finished she'll create her own AOB and doubles the meeting length.

Give.Me.Strength