Expecting DH to do the majority of the housework?

107 replies

BraOffPjsOn · 21/01/2026 15:04

So after a row I wanted to get advice.
When I increased my days back at work (4 days but working 40-50 hours a week), we agreed he would take on the housework leaving me with 1 day off in the week without the kids (school) to do any extra work I needed to get done.

DH has been super grumpy lately anyway and then today said how I don’t appreciate him doing housework (I do but I don’t have time to praise every little thing). And that he doesn’t think it’s fair that he works full time (gone to 4 days with two during the week so 2 days without kids. 1 was meant to do housework and the other whatever he wants).
I am off the weekends but have to look after the kids, take them out, swimming lessons etc. He has said today that I just laze around and they’re on screens and I do nothing. I do tidy (he’s messy but doesn’t realise - just moves things from place to place, I clean the bathrooms, do end of week washing, cooking Friday - Sunday.

We are both off Sundays.
He works in a supermarket - slightly above min wage - 36 hours a week - when he leaves work that’s it - nothing to do or think about.

I am a special needs teacher (which I’m new to) and it’s physically and mentally full on! I get to my day off and do some work and sometimes meet a friend for coffee - or flop on the sofa. I only took this job and went to 4 days because we agreed he would do the cleaning and I’d get my work done so we’d have more evenings together. It’s not about the money but more the workload and hours. I do earn a lot more but we agreed it would be worth it.

So am I being unreasonable? Should he be doing the cleaning on one of his days off?
Today, he’s changed the beds, turned the washing machine on and hoovered and gone for coffee.

OP posts:

Bitzee · 21/01/2026 15:17

If you both work full time it should be split. Maybe like a 60:40 him vs. you if overall you do more hours. If this week he’s changed the beds, hoovered and done some laundry and you’ve done bathrooms, tidying the rest of the laundry that doesn’t seem too bad to me?? Maybe easier to work our exactly who is responsible for what going forwards but I don’t see any massive issue and expecting him to do it all when he works full time (ish) in retail, which is reasonably physical, doesn’t seem particularly fair.

Lifeofthepartay · 21/01/2026 15:16

Regardless of the agreement someone is not happy so you have to compromise.

Goldpanther · 21/01/2026 15:15

I think yabu to say you work 4 days a week, but then actually work 5 days. I'd be annoyed if my partner was meant to have a day off in the week, but always ended up working.

I think you need to accept that his level of housework isn't to your standard/how you would do it and just split the jobs.

Peonies12 · 21/01/2026 15:13

You both work 4 days, so all childcare and housework should be 50/50. You sound very resentful of his job.

Lmnop22 · 21/01/2026 15:11

I found it caused fewer rows if we just split the tasks up and knew what we had to do each.

Agree that you do all laundry including bedding/collecting from bedrooms/washing and putting away, dishwasher and bathrooms for example and he does all cooking including meal planning and shopping, hoovering and kitchen cleaning for example. You can agree what seems doable within your non work time and the resentment won’t set in because it’s always known who has to do what.

More general tidying kids toys, wiping down the sides etc can just be done as and when needed by whoever

youalright · 21/01/2026 15:11

So you both work 4 days you in a school and him in retail so you should split the housework or hire a cleaner

Jellybunny56 · 21/01/2026 15:10

I think it’s unreasonable to expect to do it all to be honest, and I’d say that no matter what, it’s both of your responsibility and should be split.

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