Expecting DH to do the majority of the housework?

I don't think it is another issue. He seems to be complaining that he doesn't get time to himself and you get to do as you please and when you have the kids just stick the telly on. Whereas you think that's what he does with the kids and your "free day" in the week is taken up with work. The school holidays seems to be the same thing but on a different scale.

Am I right that you have talked about this properly but just don't believe/accept the other's account of their life when home without the other (he doesn't seem to "believe" that you have prep work you have to do, thinks you basically have free time at the weekend with the kids sat in front of the telly, you think he does nothing with the kids and doesn't do a days worth of housework)? Would a marriage counselor help?

I'm inclined to think he's lazy about "women's work" and doesn't really accept the work you do outside of the classroom. Because it's very typical of men. But also that you should be doing the housework in the holidays - even if you're out with the kids a lot, you should be able to fit in a day a week to do what he normally does, so wonder about your perception too. A mediated conversation might be able to help you both see the other's perspective.

I'm a teacher, the internet is full of stuff. Use it! No point reinventing the wheel.

If you're starting out you probably do. Creating banks or resources takes serios time.

OP, please get a cleaner. The stress isn't worth it.

The point of a day off is to have a day off. There's no point spending it working, you might as well work 5 days. Especially with the long hours on the other 4 days. Stop working as much.

Theres clearly bigger issues about your DH, but you're in control of your work.

Go full time, get paid properly and stop working on your day off. Tell him to step up or pay for a cleaner.

@mamajong That's just not how it works for teaching and many other professional jobs. Some jobs are like that. As OP has said repeatedly, she could do a different job but this one pays better.

OP, it sounds like your current situation is fair. It might be worth going through what needs doing with him (including your job work as that is necessary for you to be paid), so that you can both see how much time you are getting to yourselves.

Surely between the time of both of your days off the daily maintenance of housework is manageable? If DC are at school then DH doesn't have to spend all day for 4 days cleaning, same with you at the weekend. Between you there are 6 work free days so whoever is at home keeps on top of it. Xxx

How can it obviously be required to do unpaid extra hours?! Surely thats not legal, if its required it should be contracted and paid or overtime paid.

I have an extensive commute so i understand long days but i love my job and chose it and like the money. Im currently single and do all the chores, i dont understand how it needs 2 whole days. Ive clearly said they BOTH need to pull their weight and just get on with it rather than both playing the 'who has it harder' game which no one wins.

I maintain taking kids to swimming lessons is not the same as spending your day off doing all the chores. Fwiw i work 5 days a week and have weekends with the kids - it doesnt take 2 days to do everything, probably half a day max if i keep on top of it in the week.

They just both need to get a grip imo, both sound entitled

Spending time with your children isn't a chore, but it's also not free time. Driving to swimming lessons absolutely is a chore. Sitting up on the balcony in the humidity for 30 minutes isn't fun for anyone (ask my younger child who used to have to do it with me while waiting for his brother)

I used it to do online shopping and stuff, trying to make the best of the time, but it's absolutely not equivalent either to actually spending time with my kids, or, having a day off while they are at school.

Also she wasn't being snobby about his job, she was just pointing out that when you're working in a supermarket, you go in, do your job, and come home. When you're a special needs teacher (and many other jobs) you have stuff that you have to do/think about out of hours quite often. They are different jobs with different expectations.

I agree he should be doing far more. As he has more time at home he should also be doing food prep, and not leaving all the cleaning to his DW.

No - it's her husband complaining that she's asking him to do that housework on one of his days off, he doesn't want to, and she's saying that he should be doing some.

She wasn't complaining about the stuff she did, she was complaining about the stuff he didn't do.

I don't the big deal about keeping a home clean and who does what. Everyone contributes to the mess/grubbyness. So every human does some cleaning (under 8s to help put things away). So if you only have one day as a family, split the jobs timewise? Include the cooking. Even when mine were under 5 it would only take me a full 3 hours to do the cleaning and washing when left to myself. Little ones need more parent time I know.

I think it's sad that you make it sound like a competition on who gets the most time without the kids.

OP, what happens during school holidays...and..yes...I do appreciate that teachers do work sometimes during the holidays.
But do you still expect your husband to do all the housework during these holidays?

If both of you actually do the cleaning at the same time, i.e. one does upstairs, other down, washing can go on at the same time. Get DCs (depending on age) to put all their stuff away and strip their beds for washing and dust their rooms if possible. It shouldn't take very long (2/3 hours max). Set a time limit as to how long it will take.

This way it is only the morning or afternoon and everyone takes part and no resentment. Cooking should be started by whoever gets home first. Clearing up after meals should also be everyone doing something.

I mean if we discount the weekend entirely for his time off he spends 50% on housework and 50% for himself and you spend 100% for yourself so I can see why he feels a bit aggrieved. Where you are going wrong is treating it like you both get 2 days. One of your days is Saturday with the kids. No one gets much done with the kids around! So if you break it down into hours and say you get 7, he gets 14, you both get 7 of that to yourselves.

Either way, I think it’s a bit unreasonable to expect one person to do 100% of the chores so I think YABU.

As a special needs teacher (5 days) I can only commiserate about how utterly exhausting and all encompassing it is. I come home , cook dinner and then collapse. I have to do all my cleaning at the weekend- kids are grown up but 2 still at home. Give him some tasks to do on the his day off and do some on yours.

She’s in a job where it’s obviously required. So just because she’s dropped down to fewer days, doesn’t necessarily mean fewer hours. And you’re absolutely right about swimming lessons not being a chore but if she’s the only one doing them, as well as doing the cooking and laundry on her day off then it’s only fair her husband should do the equivalent on his.

And she’s already suggested getting a job doing fewer hours so she could up things she does at home but her husband doesn’t like that idea because there’d be less money. He can’t have it both ways.

said how I don’t appreciate him doing housework (I do but I don’t have time to praise every little thing).
This jumped out at me.
Does he praise you for looking after the kids, cleaning the bathrooms, doing the washing and cooking at weekends?

I can read thanks - reads to me like the OP is choosing to do extra work by going in early and working on their day off, so how about stop doing that for starters!

If the kids are school age they shouldnt need constant care and the DH has said they are on screens a lot at the weekends - did you not read that part. I only saw swimming lessons mentioned, hardly a chore driving and then presumably sitting and chilling with a coffee while they swim.

I hate housework too, i do not consider spending time with my kids as being on anywhere near the same level, plus presumably the husband is 'ferrying' the kids to and from school too!

It's clearly unbalanced, very few parents get a full day off with no childcare and no chores, i honestly think they both need to get real tbh. Chores are tedious but have to be done, work is work but its a choice to work extra unpaid hours but driving your kids to swimming snd spending time with them is not a chore. IMO.

So you can't manage to get your work done in the hours you are paid for, so he needs to pick up all the housework responsibilities?

You also seem to sneer at his work as if the salary makes a difference to what each of you needs to pick up, imagine this suggestion if the sexes were reversed! You talk like you are earning like Warren Buffett.

Look, if you have a particularly busy week, I'd be all for him picking up more household chores to support you, but not week in week out. I think its you that needs the introspection.

No, that’s not what she’s saying. She’s saying that of her 3 days off a week, 2 of those are weekend days so spent with the children etc., so she would like her other day off to catch up on any work and then relax. While of her husband’s 3 days off a week, 2 of those are weekdays so he already gets time to himself.

So she would like him to do the housework (that she doesn’t do already) on one of his 2 days off without the kids, and then they will each get some time to themselves.

She is also suggesting that she takes a less stressful job but her DH wants a bigger house so she can’t. I mean, heaven forfend he get off his arse and get a better-paying job eh?