Expecting DH to do the majority of the housework?

I value teachers who know when to stop. I value teachers with a work life balance who are rested and can react well to the class in front of them. You shouldn't be putting other people's children ahead of your own ever.

I'm a teacher, I'm not criticising you from not getting it, neither am I lazy. But if you're experienced, put the effort where it's worth putting and stop spending days off on teaching. If you worked FT you wouldn't, so don't do it now.

You are not being unreasonable!!

you are doing the bathrooms and washing. The washing is a BIG and time consuming job. Whats his job list- changing beds, The kitchen and mopping and vacuum?

you are working 40-50 hours while he works 36? And you are in charge of the kids clubs (do these kids clubs involve washing kit and organising?)

So if you count housework as work YOU ARE STILL DOING MORE.

the only way he can be doing equal amounts is if he’s spending 45mins to an hour a day cooking and washing up and he also is in charge of the meal planning and the shopping?

who carries the mental load of sorting clothes kids grown out of. New shoes (does he know the kids shoe sizes?) new school uniforms and equipment lists. Kids hair cuts, dentist etc. I may have more sympathy for his point of view if he’s carrying all that but if that’s all falling to you then I expect he has no real idea what you are actually doing for the family.

add to that his two days off are in the week with no children and yours is only one on the week with no children and the other is a weekend day solo parenting. He could easily get the housework done on his shorter work days and keep those two days off 100% for himself.

I can’t believe the amount of resposes saying you need to be doing half. It looks like you already do if not more. Your error was saying you want him to do all the housework because reading comprehension is variable and some posters haven’t taken in what you are doing and assumed you do nothing.

if this were the other way around the man would be lorded as a saint and the woman told how very lucky she is. Fuck that

How old are the kids,can they not be doing some housework?I'd also start doing things that you enjoy with them on the weekend so that that's not seen as a chore to be added to housework?scrap swimming lessons and just go swimming with them?, Definitely get a cleaner.have a list system so you can both choose the housework fairly but sounds like you need some fun time together too so go out to dinner asap.

As was I and in the 8 yrs I've been retired, I expect teaching has been revolutionised by on-line resources and assessments. Even so, it takes time to read and understand things, especially in the first year or two. Also to gather resources, even from the internet.

You’re welcome don’t let anyone tell you that you’re in the wrong and you should just let him get away with doing the bear minimum. I don’t know any teachers who don’t end up doing a load more work when they get home the job doesn’t end when you close the classroom door and you get paid no extra for giving up your evenings to fit everything in. Being a teacher is hard being a special needs teacher is much much harder and people are so quick to jump on here and criticise teachers because they feel like they aren’t doing enough you can’t do right for doing wrong. I really would think long and hard about whether you and the kids would be better in the long run without him if he wants to live like a lazy pig let him go and do it on his own.

I don’t know what is going on with MN lately but no matter what you do your wrong. But your not and no do not give up your job for that pathetic little fanny he knows how a hoover works he knows how to take care of the kids and make a meal he just wants you to play the good dutiful wife go out and earn all the money work yourself into the ground taking care of everything and he does nothing. That’s not how things work he needs to be reminded that everything is 50/50 and he needs to do his fair share without moaning about it like a man baby. What exactly is he bringing to your table because if it’s nothing noteworthy then do you really need to let him sit at it?

@BraOffPjsOn let me see if I’m getting this right he wants you to work more hours in a hard job to make more money to buy a bigger house he also wants you to do all the childcare, cooking and general running round after everyone while he’s doing what exactly sitting round all day enjoying his days off he’s a lazy bastard who wants to shirk his responsibilities and leave it all to you nah fuck that lark tell him it’s all 50/50 and to stop moaning when he does very little and wants a pat on the head for little bit that he does pathetic arse.

To be honest, none of it really makes any sense to me. if he's complaining about doing housework, what is there to be done at the weekend??

What I find even more strange is that they have days 'off', my husband and I spent 18 years working and running around after the kids, where do these days off come from? It wasn't until they went to Uni that we had regular time to ourselves.

I worked in retail for 9 years. Yes you don't have work to do once you leave, except maybe make sure you have clean uniform for the next shift but it is exhausting being polite to customers all say. I think sharing the load between you us the way forward. Maybe your DH won't do things exactly as you would,but how does anyone ever improve if they don't get the chance to practice. Let him do more bed times with the kids. Your posts do seem to imply a bit of martyr syndrome.

Op works many more hours over those days

No, I thought not.
If he wants a bigger house, he can get a higher-paid job and/or work more hours.
He's taking the piss.

I do a 'professional' job i know how the world works and i know plenty of teachers who dont do hours of unpaid work. I also know some who do and make a rod for their own back and it becomes the norm - this is a choice, teachers have unions who can support if you are being forced to do unpaid hours! Teaching attracts caring people who want to go above and beyond but you have to set boundaries for yourself imo.

Think if you read again. She works 40-50hrs per week 20+ of those unpaid at home.

This isn’t true. The OP says she has spoken to her husband about getting a job that expects less unpaid overtime from her - but he isn’t happy with the pay-cut.

And her husband is not doing half of the housework & childcare (whilst also earning less and doing less hours).

You’re both behaving like children. When my children were young the furthest thing from my mind was how much leisure time I deserved. Split the chores and the childcare and stop moaning about the stress of your job - you chose it- no-one strong armed you into it.

Wait, the problem is her job? That she sometimes has to do some work on her single child-free day, and the work is preventing her doing more housework? Is that what you're saying?

That the housework she does at the weekends and holidays isn't enough?

That it's unreasonable for her to ask her partner, who works fewer hours, and takes less responsibility for the kids, does a few hours of house work on one of his 2 days off without the children?

Let me check that that really is what you're saying?

Ohhh vinted didn't read - she does 40-50 hours - a full time role (these aren't normally hourly anyway). She spends her 1 child-free day off doing a bit of work, then hoping for a bit of time for herself, as she spends the weekend days off looking after the children as her partner is working at least Saturday, and often Sunday.

He has 2 days off in the week. She wants him to push the hoover round and do some housework on one of them. He is complaining about this.

I agree with this too. It sounds like he thinks working his 36 hours represents a full contribution. He might “help out” with bits & bobs around the house but he expects you to be grateful (ie he sees it as “over-and-above”).

But this is not enough from an adult partner and parent - male or female.

The problem here is your job. How many paid hours a week do you work ? 24?
YABU if you expect your DH to cook and clean whilst you choose to do 20+ hours unpaid work.
If your job cannot be completed in your paid hours you need a conversation with your employer.

He’s taking the biscuit and you know it. Tell him you’re reducing your hours as he’s not kept up his side of the bargain.

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but if your so is struggling to get the dc to settle at bedtime, he needs to do bedtime more not less. Obviously he needs to commit to not behaving in an emotionally abusive way (if this is your worry then ignore this advice and ltb) but he'll never get the hang of settling them without practice.

We used to take turns, I think that's the fairest way.

I think you were right when you said in an earlier post that this resentment is about more than him cleaning.

You both work full time, you should share the housework.

If your days off are taken up with childcare, it's fair for him to do more, but not all of it.

There's nothing wrong with his job, you sound a bit scathing of it.

I imagine you're both tired, can you make a plan together? Neither of you are working super long hours, it seems like you should be able to fit in housework around. What worked for us was that whichever parent wasn't doing bedtime spent half an hour cleaning at the time, so we could both sit down after.