Eccentric SIL

Oh, stop being silly.

It's not being judgemental to do what you feel is best for your kid

It’s not your “worry” though is it? And let’s me honest you’re not “worried” at all! You just want to judge.

I mean do tell, what about it worries you? Do you lie awake at night thinking about it?

of course that's going to make her family feel like she is judging their decision to sent their children to school

That is entirely a them problem.

On the zoo trip, I can imagine that lots of vegans would not be ethically aligned with such an outing. Maybe she was trying to say no without going too far into these ethics. Also lots of parents are staunchly anti-sleepover; in many ways she’s following a trend with that, same with baby wearing and homeschooling.

Whenever somebody uses the term ‘the done thing’ little red flags immediately start waving in my mind. Whose ‘done thing’? Yours. Why do you expect her to buy into your parenting philosophy?

@jamandcustard @Pallisers I think it is judgmental. I think most people would see it that way. See all the threads here where people get attacked and accused of being judgmental for simply saying something like 'i don't agree with formal childcare so became a SAHM'. This woman has said she will educate her child because she thinks this is the right choice, of course that's going to make her family feel like she is judging their decision to sent their children to school. She didn't want them to touch her baby, she doesn't want them to mind her child, she clearly has some issues when them being involved with her child so it's not surprising OP is insulted and irritated by this.

I agree OP is judgmental but so is SIL. She has considered what most other parents do including her own family and decided she will do better. She can't possibly respect their life choices if she is doing her best to be as different as possible. It works both ways.

What? 🤣

So if I consider most people's diets and decide to eat healthier than that, am I disrespecting those who eat less healthily?

If I decide I want to earn more than the average wage, am I disrespecting anyone who earns less than me?

If your kids decide they want top grades, are you going to tell them off for disrespecting others?

Sleepovers with family at 3 happened for dc 2 and 3 - and even then max twice. Did not happen for PFB.

I think your sleepover thing is odd.

I agree OP is judgmental but so is SIL. She has considered what most other parents do including her own family and decided she will do better. She can't possibly respect their life choices if she is doing her best to be as different as possible. It works both ways

What an absolutely bizarre thing to say.

I agree OP is judgmental but so is SIL. She has considered what most other parents do including her own family and decided she will do better. She can't possibly respect their life choices if she is doing her best to be as different as possible. It works both ways

Sorry but this is ridiculous. She isn't deciding she is doing "better" she is doing what she (and BIL) think is right for their child and their family. I did some things different to people around me - didn't mean I didn't respect their "life choices - to be honest I didn't think about their "life choices" I was just getting on with rearing my own children.

I wonder if its more than your not allowed to have a relationship with nice as mum keeps her close?

I would be concerned with home schooling, unless there is a geographical reason or SEN, otherwise the intent behind it it what I'd question. SiL obviously doesn't want to participate in regular society and that's her choice but she is choosing that for her children. It may not suit them. She gave up a career and has made this her project. Any parent whose sole life purpose is their children puts immense pressure on the child and suggests a controlling parent. It sounds like she is making her child a social experiment.

I agree OP is judgmental but so is SIL. She has considered what most other parents do including her own family and decided she will do better. She can't possibly respect their life choices if she is doing her best to be as different as possible. It works both ways

I’m reading this thread and just imagining my own SIL writing it about me many years ago. I would sometimes see her visibly cringe at my parenting. The simplest things like breastfeeding, cloth diapers, and baby wearing completely perplexed her.

I’ve never heard of ‘elimination communication’ before.
What is it??

doesn’t allow sleepovers or quite frankly anyone to babysit.

Your niece is only three!!

You are judging her choices and dressing it up as concern.

Wow! Love this statement! Spot on!

Do you feel children should be raised to seem exactly the same as everyone else in order to avoid being bullied?

My son is 15, and has stayed at my parents overnight once and gone on a residential for 3 nights with the school. He's never been interested in staying overnight at other people's houses. He's a pretty well rounded lad! He socialised, has a good friendship group, confident etc. Your niece not having sleepovers, won't do her any harm! Your SIL may relax that as she gets older, and understands what it's all about. Home schooling is fine, as long as it's done properly and structured. As for being vegan, not uncommon for parents to bring their children up, the same as themselves. I had a friend at school back in the 80's who was brought up vegetarian by her parents!

None of mine had a sleepover until WAY older than 3. I'd think it unusual for someone to let their under-3 have a sleepover tbh.

Your SIL sounds perfectly nice. Nursery isn't compulsory. Your niece is socialising with lots of other children - those of your SIL/BIL's friends. Homeschooling is a choice for the future - maybe she'll change her mind, maybe she won't. so what?

Kids can be mean though, they pick up on slight differences and surely these are all different choices.

Kids can be taught not to be mean. Kids can be taught to respect differences. Kids can be taught not to laugh at other people when they don't do exactly as you do. I suspect the wider family here should focus on their own children.

DH cousins were first raised on a macrobiotic diet point and then vegan, they all eat meat now. Her child will come to no harm then once an adult she can make her own decisions. My MIL is in to angel cards and astrology which DH and I think is absolute bollocks.

The only issue with anyone’s beliefs systems regardless of what they are whether deemed traditional or alternative is if they insist on pushing their beliefs on to others. So my MIL has attempted on many occasions to push her beliefs on us, it culminated in her attempting to put some of her alternative stuff in to our child’s grave when we had already specifically requested that not to happen. DH stopped her.

There is a time and place to interfere with others belief systems, they are actually very few and far between.

Babywearing? Shocking.
Taking care of your own small child, whilst ensuring she is properly socialising with other kids. Outrageous.

The thing I really don’t get is your obsession with having to have sleepovers at 3! You are a - very extreme - outlier as I would say most parents of 3yo wouldn’t be letting their kids have sleepovers, and you are criticising her for only letting her child spend the night twice with family? What’s the obsession with removing a tiny child from their mother for the night? As for sleepovers at friends, loads of families don’t let this happen at older ages, let alone as a toddler.

I didn't let mine go on sleepovers at three. They had possibly had a couple of nights with GP by that age, but that's it. They are perfectly normally socialised.

There is loads of research pointing to the conclusion that children who spend their early years in the secure and stable company of primary caregivers actually grow up with benefits that children who spend a lot of time in daycare miss out on. It's not wacky for pre-schoolers to be mostly in their family unit. If i had my time again, I might consider skipping nursery.

Home-schooling would require conscious attempts at socialisation, but give her a chance.

I'd suggest minding your own business @ProbablybeingU You come across as pretty narrow-minded, even ignorant. And inviting a vegan child to the zoo just sounds like you're trolling your poor SIL.

It sounds like your SIL loves her child very much and is raising her in a way that suits their own family unit. That may well be different to the vast majority, but I wouldn't say the vast majority are better at parenting, in my experience.

Going to the zoo is not a life experience that vegans want to partake in, surely you know that?

Different horses for different courses…
I know a handful of parents that home educate, and children have never attend nursery etc
I hate zoos and wouldn’t go with a free ticket either, however I’m assuming your niece does get to spend time with family and friends in other places.
You sound like it’s a lifestyle you wouldn’t be happy with, but it suits your SIL.
If she isn’t attending mainstream schools no one is going to mean to her because your SIL will surround her with people that either have a similar ethos, by the time she is a grown up no one will care if she was home schooled or not, it’s the experiences that parents can offer them that makes a difference. I wish I could flexi school my eldest but I can’t due to work etc
Your niece is likely to grow up super creative.