Eccentric SIL

Our 5 and 2 year old have never had sleepovers. Why do you care so much about that? They will when are older with friends but i dont see it as necessary for us right now.

As for being vegan, lots of kids have different diets and dont get bullied for it. DD5 has a muslim friend, a nut free friend and a gluten free friend. We cater appropriately when they come but its not a big deal really.

Your concern and worry comes across really badly just on this thread, I wonder what your husbands relatives think of your judgements and conventionally.

Both parents are choosing to raise their kid how they want, not at all eccentric.

I think she’s setting her child up for a lovely life.

As long as she’s hitting milestones, is socializing (friends, family), and is safe, I don’t think you have to worry about how they parent. Bullying happens mostly in school!!

Lots of people don’t do nursery and homeschool isn’t exactly “isolated and culty” either, depending on how kids socialize otherwise. Babywearing is super common. Childcare is optional!

She’s simply parenting differently than you. you prob both do a great job.

Maybe you can learn a thing or two from her? Keep an open mind!

I find the elimination communication strange, especially from a newborn child.

Homeschooling - if a parent could make that commitment, long-term, that's great (I know someone who's been homeschooling her 13 year old all these years).

Vegan - I don't agree with that, as I'd worry that the child wouldn't get sufficient protein, vitamins, etc.

Not everyone wants to leave their child with a relative or babysitter.

Im not vegan but I wont go to all animal displays because I think its important to only give your money and support to those that prioritise animal conservation efforts, just because she didnt go to that zoo doesnt mean she wont let her ever go to any kind of animal display or learning centre.

Also is baby wearing unusual or only done occasionally where you are from? I think you do sound a bit sheltered yes, why would you have thought that the amount you have seen people baby wear is the 'correct' amount and anything different to that must be done out of not-great intentions just because she does it a lot and your brother made a joke.

Also you made it sound like your brother is under her thumb, maybe he just loves her and agrees with her opinions, is that really so hard to imagine?

Interestingly, when we decided to home educate our own children, my BIL actually screamed at me (even though it was more my DH’s decision). My SIL stamped her foot at me and they told us that our children would never get into university. Eldest is currently doing software engineering at a top Russell group university and younger child is at the local state grammar and is predicted all 8s and 9s in his GCSEs. Neither of my kids went to nursery and both started school between 11 and 13.

I see from subsequent posts that you’re very concerned about your poor SIL and how she and her daughter might or might not be or feel in the future. What a caring soul you are. Or are you jealous? Have a little look at what is causing you to be so concerned here.

Keep trying, OP. I’m sure you’ll eventually find an angle.

(Seriously, though, and I don’t mean this unkindly, but do you not mix much with different kinds of people?)

Sounds like the choices she's made as a parent are working out well for her and her child so far? Why are you looking for trouble when there doesn't appear to be any? Why is there 'the worry' about her career? That's nothing to do with you.

And I would suggest, that she's less likely to encounter 'cruel' kids if she's home schooling. My 3 didn't manage to escape them with their conventional schooling.

I wonder if you're just one of those people for whom other people make different choices to you lands as a criticism? It's fine for you both to do things differently. It doesn't mean one of you is getting it wrong.

It's her choice.

She's not throwing away her education and career. Your education doesn't instantly become meaningless the minute you stop working. She may want to rejoin the workplace later on in her life. It's between her and her husband, and no one else's business.

To insinuate that she will develop mental health issues.... well, I now doubt any of the truth of what you've posted, you cannot possibly be serious about this.

Your faux concern is irritating. Perhaps she fancies a break from her high earning job, perhaps she will get bored.

Or perhaps she is providing a wonderful childhood experience for her child.

Whatever it is, it's none of your business and your repeated insistence that you are right and she is weird is rather telling.

You're different. Get over it.

Not surprised. Even my own teens refuse to get involved in animal based activities for ethical reasons. We are all being enlightened every day with more transparency being demanded.

Children are naturally very accepting - they may pick up on and be interested in difference, but that doesn’t come with prejudice and judgment - they learn those things from the adults in their environment. Be careful about what you’re teaching your own children. Leave this obviously happy family to raise their perfectly thriving child the way they enjoy and believe in.

Not letting a 3 year old go on sleepovers is surely really quite normal?

I live rurally, always have, and know plenty of people far more bonkers than your SIL, so I’m not sure your excuse for being so sheltered washes. Your SIL sounds like an engaged and loving mother, and I’m not sure you’re really concerned at all. Rather, it comes across that you feel a little threatened by the fact that she parents so differently to you.

No one needs to send their child to nursery and if she is part of the home ed community, the child will get loads of socialisation. Home education, if done well, is a fantastic form of education. Probably, the family will fit in better with the home educating community than a school environment anyway.

Why have you laid all this on sil? Is the father not involved at all?

Oh my god. Just leave her alone!

The OP says the DN does meet plenty of children. I know plenty of parents who’d rather saw their arm off than spend days on end with their children. Instead they escape to work, which they claim is a moral responsibility.
So, seeing as all our bodies are nourished by the earth and then return to it, maybe it’s not so bad to be more in touch with the earth in daily life and actually take care of our own children.

I like the sound of her parenting choices. Even if you're not keen, you must acknowledge that it is her choice, not yours to make.

I think I would find you difficult if you were my relative.

But this child’s parents don’t want their three year old to sleep at the OPs! That’s why it’s weird the OP is so aggrieved about it.

There's tonnes of people like this. It doesnt even sound that eccentric at all.

Zoos are frequently fairly problematic from an animal ethics POV. Your SIL is vegan, takes those ethics seriously, and was civil about why she didn’t want her child to go there.

Are you really that ‘sheltered’, OP? Don’t you know any other vegans? Does literally everyone you know do everything the exact way you do it?

I loved having my little niece to stay over…why do think that’s weird??

I think she sounds lovely. I would like to be more like her. There’s another thread on here about late stage capitalism and how it’s destroyed so much human potential. Sounds like your SIL is keeping the light for human potential. Maybe you should take a leaf out of her book. If you’re not too envious.