Modern life doesn’t work

The answer to that is not to have people doing completely meaningless work.

Modern life is better in some ways and worse in others.

I agree that most of us are hamsters running around a wheel in an endless pursuit of material things. But we are hamsters who can sit and write about it from a warm, clean, comfortable, air conditioned office, or perhaps from our own cosy kitchen during our working day.

I think what most people miss is a sense of community and human connection. We are made for that. Computers are a wonderful invention but they are no substitute for being with and creating with other human beings. People worked in very physically demanding and difficult jobs but they had everyday human connection and were all in it together.

My grandmother, born 100 years ago, lost 2 siblings to childhood diseases that modern medicine has eradicated due to vaccination. Her father died in his mi-40's when benefits did not exist, 8 children were still at home. Her mother went back to paid employment and my grandmother was raised by her 18 year old sister.

I have heard older people say that we 'have it with jam on' nowadays and it's true in so many ways. But I think many of us long for more time with people, especially the people we love the most. Most people I know are always trying the strike the work/life balance somehow; in ways like using Vinted to buy clothes and recycle rather than buying new. Young people especially seem to be coming up with creative ways to live their lives. As humans we do adapt and evolve and I think that should give us hope for the future.

It’s not like that for everyone. It’s definitely not for me. I love modern life.

Having more public spaces that are cherished by the community that can be used on summer evenings or winter days where people can meet, celebrate, relax without the need of purchasing a drink to be there.

Demanding more honour in our politicians, it used to be a privilege to serve now it’s just a selfish gravy train.

Taking responsibility for what you choose to do, the children you decided to have, the house you bought, the person you bred with.

To change the concept that life is supposed to be happy and stop being impressed or jealous of stuff you pay for and be more impressed with kindness, people who try and grow.

Make churches less divisive with actual religion and return them to a more secular society where you can celebrate life together without having to pretend to believe a whole heap of antiquated bollocks.

So many things wrong with modern life.

Aspiration and work needs to be rewarded not laziness. If you put in the effort you should be proud.
Expectation based on merit not entitlement.
Too many cars- we should have one car per household. Walking is a free form of exercise.
Welfare system - huge overhaul required. Make payments time limited and reflective of previous input. Don't pay anything until a person is 25
Increase in single parent family - encourage people to think marriage is for life. Yes of course some definitely need to end but how many think divorce is an option from the beginning and then rely on the tax payer not the ex to fund the additional house that is needed. Also, how many people 'settle'.
Education- return to the top 10% going to University. Make it free
Increase apprenticeships and make it a desirable career choice.
The saying 'crime doesn't pay' make this true again for all our sakes.

I’m semi retired now but I remember so many times over the years (I started work in the late 70s so this isn’t that new) but I lost count the number of times I used to think, what do we actually do here, where is the money coming from to pay us, what are we actually producing? It just seemed to be jobs of rotating paper from one dept to another 🫤 I used to get a real ‘Reginald Perrin’ feeling about the work I did (If anyone knows who that is).

I think people who can actually see exactly what their own work has produced must get a better sense of purpose and satisfaction in a job well done.

Nah … I agree there are a lot of elements of modern life that are completely fucked, but you have used some poor examples OP. Obviously the main issue is that you and your children’s father aren’t together and therefore needing to have two homes between you … or to put it another way, that as single people you are raising children … that is always going to be difficult financially.

Why doesn’t your children’s school meet their needs? What could you do about it? Why not send them to a different school? My DD has only ever attended fantastic schools. Admittedly she’s at a very large state secondary where it is easy to fall through the cracks if quiet and well-behaved (which she is), but I’m not sure that things would have been different in previous generations, and that’s if a girl was even able to remain in school until later secondary years - I know my grandmother, born almost 100 years ago, left school age 14, I’m not sure about my other grandparents, but I know none had a tertiary education.

Having 38p in your bank account probably isn’t that normal, unless perhaps it’s the day before pay day and you don’t have any other costs/bills to go out before pay day, and even then I’d think most people do have some savings. I know there are some people who live pay cheque to pay cheque, I’m not saying there aren’t, but I don’t think it’s as normal for working people as you make it sound.

Getting into debt to spend two weeks abroad is a very British thing, it’s not something that all modern
societies do. I don’t live in the UK anymore but where I am now, there are many people who have never travelled overseas. Their holidays, if they have them, is a week camping in the summer, probably a two to three hour car journey from home. People might occasionally take overseas trips but it certainly isn’t a regular thing.

Couldnt agree more with this. I enjoy working and I have a good work life balance but i’m about to put my third in to nursery. Would happily stay at home for 3 or 4 years looking after the baby and have savings I could use but I know if I step off my career now i’ll never get it back .The working workd is rigged against mothers and discrimination is rife. anyone who thinks otherwise needs to open their eyes.

But when those things were expensive they were bought with the expectation that they would last.

Clothes would be good quality and handed down through children in the family and then given to a friend with kids of that age. Folk had 2/3 pairs of shoes rather than a pair for every outfit/occasion. Kids shoes were passed down when outgrown.

Furniture was bought with the expectation that it would last pretty much a lifetime. My parents weren’t changing their home decor every few years or changing their sofa because fashions changed. Things were bought and used until they fell apart.

Things being cheaper means that people spend more changing things that don’t need changed. Wardrobes full of clothes because they’re cheap and everyone deserves to look nice etc. It’s not enough to have one water bottle that does its job, it needs to be a brand names, and two or three because one might get lost. Over consumption is killing us.

People have been asking what we do about it. A PP reminded us we have agency. What ideas do people have? What would make this better? What could we opt out of? What do we need to ask the government for? What needs to change and how? How would we know things have got better?

Thank god I thought no one thought like this anymore. I remember when there was less pressure in jobs (getting them/achieving in them and keeping them) and two incomes meant bills paid, savings and treat money. One income meant bills paid and treats/saving was minimal. Life has become so hard for most people trying to be awesome in their job, a great parent, housekeeper and parent and it’s like it’s normal now.

Thank god I thought no one thought like this anymore. I remember when there was less pressure in jobs (getting them/achieving in them and keeping them) and two incomes meant bills paid, savings and treat money. One income meant bills paid and treats/saving was minimal. Life has become so hard for most people trying to be awesome in their job, a great parent, housekeeper and parent and it’s like it’s normal now.

But maybe going without and waiting for things actually made people happier. Morality aside, it’s been proven that instant gratification causes a dopamine hit that we then crave more of.
Im not saying people were morally better in those days, but the circumstances around life then probably made people actually happier in the long run.

So many kids and teens have mental health issues, despite having access to pretty much anything they want. Children and teens in developing countries, despite having barely anything, are far less likely to suffer with their mental health to the extents kids in the western world do. These kids seek joy in family, friends and community. Their brains have not developed the continuing dopamine loop caused by the modern life of the western world.

It’s a really fascinating topic. I was far happier before the mobile phone and social media came into my life. I was far, far happier in the days I had less.

I think in the past, women in particular didn’t work or just had a “little job”. Many were frustrated by this status quo. In the early part of the century, women who were secondary school teachers were forced to give up their jobs when they got married.
Divorce was far less common and whilst obviously some left physically abusive relationships, they stuck with unfaithful/emotionally manipulative/boring husbands and just put up with it. However they didn’t work so had more time when “D”H was out. Single parents were rare.

On the basis that nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce, I’m not sure we’d be any happier in that era

And all the late diagnosed ND

The environment is toxic, so of course we're not coping with it.

Completely agree. I think the prevalence of mental health problems (and SEN in kids which has massively increased) is proof that our modern day environment doesn’t suit us.

From Google

In 1948, when the NHS was created, life expectancy at birth in the UK was approximately
66 years for men and 71 years for women. Overall period life expectancy around this time was roughly 64.8 years, with significant improvements from the early 20th century.

welome to the enshitticene

I agree with this, particularly about the commute. Commuting is such a horrid waste of an existence. DH and I have not overly senior public sector jobs but it means we can live outside of London/SE and afford a nice house close to our workplaces. Se we save time and fuel every day. For both of us a couple of rungs up the career ladder would likely mean London and right now we would lose far more in terms of overall quality of life than we would gain.

People are living longer but not healthier. Most of my friends parents are in their 70's/80's, very few are in great health. My mum has been struck down with heart disease, breast cancer, osteoporosis and dementia since her mid 70's.

We are being kept alive by medication that skews the statistics. People are living longer but really not in good health, those in old age and good health are in the minority sadly. I work with older people from mid 60's onwards and many of them would not be fit for work.

That is the case for some, but there are also many people who don't have a choice. They have to bend themselves into pretzel shapes just to feed and house heir families. Single parents, those with caring responsibilities, couples who are both in low-paying jobs, etc.

I think it is at least partly a choice though. Me and Dh opted for a smaller, terraced house, with a lower mortgage, we could technically take on a larger one but we rather have a chilled out life. I work school hours and am there for our DC always. Again I could earn lots more, but family time is more important to me. We don't do long haul holidays, Disneyland, or expensive clothes, or extravagant hobbies... we go to the library, into the forest, see friends, etc. I feel very lucky.

Of course there’s an alternative. I spend 75% of my time in my house and I love that. I could spend near to 100% if I wanted but that would be depressing.

We have agency. There’s plenty about the world that’s shit, depressing or scary but we have agency!

Don’t forget that people!!!

@InveterateWineDrinker Wow, that’s a sobering statistic. How can it be fixed though?

YANBU.

I accept, as others have said that life has always been hard and demonstrably much worse in the past.

However, given all the "fabulous" tech, innovations and "progress" we as a species have "achieved", we also seem to be regressing at a spectacular pace, especially at the moment, economically, globally, politically.

There is a constant tension between individuality and collectivity that we seem to be unable to resolve.

The means to support ourselves individually is ham strung by collective restrictions.

A simplistic example. I am "poor". I have things I could possibly sell. I can't take a box of stuff down to my town centre where enough people could see it to possibly sell to them - I would need to apply for a license to do so, costing money I don't have. If I tried to do it without a license, I could be prosecuted and likely fined, ending up with a criminal record.

So the alternative is try and do it online. Which means access to phone / internet. Plus navigation of a billion postage options. Plus buyer expectation that an item should be as cheap as possible and deluvered with Amazon style deadlines and efficiency. If you stipulate collection only, then either you risk putting your address out to God knows who, or figuring out a neutral meeting point that suits both parties, and there is also the risk of buyer flakiness. Not to mention the issue of large items when buyer and seller might not have transport.Plus the volume of online sales means your "goods" might not even get seen by potential buyers. On various platforms even if you do sell something, a dissatisfied customer can demand returns and refunds, adding a whole new layer of complication.

And the first accusation when people are struggling is "lack of resilience" and negativity. Which is what I was accused of when I wound up my shop a couple of years ago. But if you don't have customers and you're spiralling into debt because people are looking at your goods and discovering them cheaper on Temu (by photographing them in front of your face and googling them) you realise the nonsense of it all, and that no amount of positive thought and "fucking gratitude manifestation" will translate into cold hard cash.

I'm in my late 50s and essentially obsolete in many ways. Adult kids are grinding away making ends meet and not having kids because economics. The elderlies I was caring for have died. I want to work but my age and outdated skill sets are against me. Retraining costs money I don't have.

Now I fully expect some will roll their eyes and talk about poor choices, lack of forward planning etc, but there was a time when most people who wanted to earn a living at the most badic level could walk into somewhere hiring, hand over a CV, have a chat with with the manager and both parties would come to a mutually beneficial agreement on a very human level. Now tech means there are infinite steps to go through some of which are entirely AI based.

As for all the other issues laid out in this thread, I coukd write volumes, but nobody has time for that 😆

But thank you OP for starting a thought provoking thread.

And according to my late Dad, it's NeoLiberalism / capitalism that's the issue, and I think he was right.

I sometimes say I think the end of the world won't be fiery apocalypse, it will be collective nervous breakdown due to the uncertanty of it all.

Solidarity to all those struggling - and God help our kids.