To want to pull DS out of nursery even though we can’t afford it at all

Ask for a referral to paeds. Also SALT - in some areas you can self refer.

Request a meeting with the nursery. What outside agencies has the nursery approached for advice? Has DS had input from the ToD? What about the special sit teaching service &/or the Area SENCO? Are they in receipt of early years inclusion funding for him?

I would also request an EHCNA yourself using IPSEA’s model letter.

How was his 2 yr check with the health visitor? Did you receive any referrals (as I think you should have been)?

So your boyfriend is at home all day, why can't he care for the child? Using formula and nappies at three years old, why?

Have you contacted the National Deaf Children's Society for support, @TimidThunder ? Your child will be considered deaf. They can help with information and advice, signposting, meeting with other families in similar situations, BSL, etc.

Have you looked at nurseries attached to primary schools?

That might be good because it might kick start the SEND stuff early and the school will know what to do with regard getting additional support.

There’s no way you don’t need additional support. You are doing the right thing by pushing for more and it’s not being pushy or anxious or anything like that.

I'd pull him out. I'll be honest, what is your partner doing? He won't raise these issues at the door - it's not a confrontation, it's a discussion. He'd rather his son is sore and uncomfortable rather than have a slightly awkward conversation.

Your DP is unemployed so he can look after your DS, work on potty training, get him eating, practice with his hearing aid. You'll save money at the very least.

Look for a childminder

Sorry just to say, I have moved my son recently and he's much happier so it does work out sometimes, I just think you'll face the eating / milk issue anywhere.

But if he were hungry, he would eat.

Couldnt he have a special milk cup rather than a bottle?

There were paragraphs on my phone!

I would put the nappy issue and milk in writing both paper and email and tell them verbally either in person or over the phone and make a note of who you spoke to. Ask for a confirmation email. Will he take the milk out of something other than a baby bottle? If that’s their issue.
the rest of it sounds fairly normal for a nursery setting. We would put waterproof aprons on the children for water play but they only went so far ! The kids would usually have wet legs afterwards , any really wet child would be changed though. Being pushed over is indeed one of those things, he will or maybe has already launched another child either accidentally or deliberately, it happens with toddlers, and will happen again.
are you working on sign language? Don’t forget this is peak sickness cold and flu season, he is possible feeling under par?
You sound understandably very stressed, you must be running on adrenaline atm probably always in flight or fight mode, things will undoubtedly get better for you all. I’m a fellow teen mum, there are plenty of us, remember some/ most/ all of the judgement will be in your head. Your 24 now, shake off the Feeling that you have to prove yourself, you’ve already done that. Remind yourself of the things you are doing well, you have a home, you have 2 children, a job, a partner who it sounds like has a plan and a drive to find a job . You are a concerned an engaged mum, you are actually doing well and holding it all together even though it may feel like you’re drowning. Your bf will get a job, your son will settle , he will talk eventually, but of course he will take longer, your financial situation will improve. Things will honestly get better, this is temporary. Spend less time overthinking and spiralling and more time in the moment ,if you can. you are doing everything you can and it actually sounds like you are doing a cracking job. 💐

Pull him out, your partner continues to look for a job while you both look for a better placemeny gor your son. I wouldnt send him back.

I'd move him somewhere nicer

his face is often really red at pick up like he has been sobbing recently, but they always say he has been happy, playing and had a good day

Trust your instincts. Sounds like they're lying.

Hiya op I would look into moving him, if he's nearly 3 he is nearly ready for a school nursery where they might be able to help more (some also take from 2 now), I've just moved my son to the school nursery and it isn't formal at all, lots of playing, but the staff are really amazing, so many have worked there for 15+ years they're so knowledgable.

I work in early years and I don't think any nursery would give formula at 3 (I could be wrong). I think all nurseries have a senco, have you spoken to them?

I wouldn’t push the hearing aid , I assume he has hearing in his other ear ? Our eldest has bilateral moderate to severe hearing loss diagnosed at 6 and he stopped wearing hearing aids at 11 and manages fine - he’s an expert self taught lip reader . Stop the bottles and formula , he’s nearly 3 and won’t be inclined to eat if he’s filling up on formula . I don’t think your age has anything to do with anything , 24 isn’t that young and I doubt anybody is judging you on that front .

I really wouldn't push the hearing aid, they can make the wrong thing noisy and as an adult you can turn them down when needed but I can imagine an over stimulated toddler hating it.

If he has one working ear then he will be OK and probably appreciate the aid in a couple of years. Other than locating sounds, on the day to day, it makes little difference to my life- I lost my hearing at 20 so well aware of the difference between 1 and 2 ears.

They sound awful. I agree with no bottles though, he's 3! He won't eat if he doesn't feel hungry and toddlers can be quite upset down with food, sometimes eating 5 adult portions and sometimes nothing. I wouldn't be giving him formula to replace food.

I would look for a childminder instead of a busy nursery settting. I am deaf in one ear and no longer wear my aid unless in very busy noisy places- the pub, big festivals etc. No one ever knows until I tell them but I'd imagine whilst he's learning to talk a quieter environment would be much easier for him.

3 is old for a bottle. Have you tried to potty train him? I think if nursery is working then he ought to go - why don’t you try to reverse the drop offs for a bit if dads passive. With him not working he can mind his son - and then look for a new setting when he finds something. Perhaps he could take over some of the slack, do drop offs of your older child and spend time with his son at groups and the park etc. that would be my solution.

Please take him out of the nursery... it sounds awful... my 3 yr old gds attends nursery and it's wonderful and nothing like yours.
Find a better one or child minder.
Don't worry that you're a young mum, you know what you're doing.

Good luck.

Your intuition as a mum is bang on, stuff your ages at the times you had your kids, not relevant in any way and you should be listened to as your child's parent. Balls to anyone who disagrees based on your ages.
It sounds to me as though you're absolutely right to be concerned. Had these things happened once/twice and you'd discussed, seen improvements absolutely fine but it does not sound as though things are improving despite you raising concerns. I'd try to find a recommended childminder in a home setting with fewer children so he can get some more attention.
My 2 kids (4 and 5) both attended a childminder and a preschool, and the preschool only for friendships ready for primary school. The childminder setting is a lot closer to how home is, and I can say, I do have an amazing childminder, that they definitely receive more hands on care with her than the preschool, and they are genuinely loved. Wishing you luck ♥️