To want to pull DS out of nursery even though we can’t afford it at all

It sounds like he's needs a different setting that can give him more attention and care. Definitely get him on waiting lists with reputable local childminders.

I was a young Mum too but, you know what, you need to leave that mentality behind. Who cares that you were young - biologically, it's a great time to have children and you sound very in tune with your kids' needs. I don't want to make assumptions but try feeling proud of yourself and shame on the people in your life who didn't support you. I carried the feelings of shame and humiliation around for years and still feel it sometimes. I'm in my mid-40's, but every now and then I feel embarrassed when people exclaim how young I look to have grown-up children. I try to style it out most of the time though but being treated like that never really leaves you.

I think you probably need to sort your DP out. He's never going to get started in business if he doesn't have a job. Employers don't want to employ unemployed people. That might sound odd, but I recruit in my role and would only have respect for someone who is doing whatever they can to put food on the table for their family. A really good cover letter can address this when he applies for jobs. He needs to get a job - even part-time for now so he has time for the 'proper' job search too.

But people are only judging what you are saying and you’ve literally just contradicted yourself by saying that when he is not at nursery you give him crackers , fruit and crisps for lunch and he eats it throughout the afternoon - that is the very definition of snacking . If you want him to eat proper meals at mealtimes then a lunch that gets eaten at points throughout the afternoon doesn’t work as he will not be hungry at dinner time .

I agree about stopping snacks. All children would just eat snack type food given the opportunity. He needs to come to meals hungry.
He doesn't like sandwiches ... all sandwiches?
I agree that noisy nursery is a challenge for child with hearing problems.

You’ve mentioned a few times about Dad being quiet. How much communication is happening at home between dad and your son without screens present? Does dad take him out to the park or a walk? Play games with him?
Nursery should be supporting with Makaton.

If you offered meals and not the snack/grazing option what would happen? I’ve noticed a lot of children come to our school nursery and reception classes and they aren’t used to mealtimes as they have the grazing approach at home.

Are you raising a child with additional needs and a communication delay? I think OP is saying on the days they’re refusing to eat, rather than then go hungry she is giving formula as she knows they will accept that. Unless you’re living that life you aren’t really qualified to speak on it. OP is on here being honest about her situation and seeking advice but some people love a pile on.

The kid's nearly 3. Formula should stop at 1. I would say two years accounts for a longer transition wouldn't you? At some point, parents are going to need to take some accountability.

I would absolutely change nurseries. We had similar issues with our first nursery and dirty nappies/ rashes. The new nursery is so much better and I really regret not changing sooner. It sounds like your son has a lot going on and really needs to be cared for by strong staff who will support him.

It all sounds very hectic at home to be honest.

Good points @viques

I think others suggesting your partner takes over the childcare for his son are spot on.

One of the priorities for a child is communication, your child already has a hearing loss, a busy noisy nursery with many staff is not going to be the best place for him to develop communication skills, you have started to use makaton but I bet they aren’t using it at nursery. It could be very supportive for his communication and speech development, and your partner as his carer could really support this as well as encouraging language and vocabulary development in a quieter and more focussed environment. Two is a vital age for speech and language development, it needs to be a priority.

The issues with the nappies would be resolved instantly.

Your partner would be able to ensure he was eating decent food during the day and encouraging better earning habits than bottles of formula milk.

there are activities your partner could take your son to to keep up social skills.

You need to be developing a confident, communicative child to cope with school eventually. Have you investigated what support is available locally for children with hearing loss, you and your partner need to be proactive, you are the people who will have to develop hard skins and determination to get your child the support he will need. Your partner can’t just say “ I don’t like confrontation” he needs to develop assertive skills to make sure your child isn’t overlooked.

You sound like the best mum. Like others have said trust your instincts. If you feel comfortable ask the nursery directly about the nappies, changes, red face from crying, eating etc. They might have a reason or explanation (e.g. my child's nursery room was chaotic but when i raised concerns they already had new staff members stepping in to take over, no problems since). But given his hearing, a smaller quieter setting might suit him more. Even get on a waiting list for a childminder. Don't doubt yourself.

I’d save the money and remove him and his dad can care for him until he gets a job. Once you know how much you’ll be earning between you, have a look for an alternative nursery or childminder. I’d trust your instincts, you’re his mum and know him best. It sounds to me like you’re really in tune with your little boy and you’re doing a great job. I’d work on him accepting cows milk in a beaker as a next step to removing formula, it takes time though. Hope you find a solution but they don’t sound very accommodating there. Does he cry when dropped off?

I’m not one to encourage going no contact with parents, but I would seriously consider it if your mum is only directing criticism your way and not offering any emotional support -especially after everything you’ve been through and are currently dealing with.

Do you think this is helpful? Also, same rules don’t apply for children who have additional needs - comfort is everything to them and transitions will take longer (eg moving from bottle and potty training)

The red face from crying at pick up is unacceptable. I'd pull him out and move him.

A child with a hearing loss in one ear will not get a place in a specialist hearing support unit.

However, the child should be eligible for support from a Qualified Teacher of the Deaf. Contact your local council to ask about QToD support (youll need a clinic letter from audiology) or, as mentioned above, contact the NDCS for advice.

If he only started in September then some of what you describe are just teething problems.

I'm very happy with my 3 year olds nursery but we've had wrong nappies, soiled nappy on pick up, head bumps, not eating etc. I think it's important to talk to the staff as there'll be lots ot different people caring for your child not just the one you speak to. Put the more important things in an email so it's taken seriously (the brand of nappies and the alternative food).

If he's got a dirty nappy on pick up, take him back in for them to change him, they'll start checking when they know your partner is on his way.
If the wrong brand of nappy ask if theres a reason he had the wrong type on and if they've ran out just to bring it to their attention, label them clearly too, if they know you're bothered they'll try harder.
If he's wet but can't tell them, they might just not have noticed, mention it to them or dress him in light grey so it's really obvious (I did that when potty training so they'd know when he had an accident).
For the formula, can you not suggest some alternative food for if he wont eat, my son is very picky so I asked for him to be given toast and fruit if he refused the other meal.
The head bump really is just one of those things and he could just be getting upset just before pickup. My son didn't really talk until he was 3 so I had to advocate for him especially at nursery as he couldn't communicate his needs. You or your partner need to communicate with the nursery :)

Bilateral hearing loss is very different to having issues in both ears. If one ear has perfect hearing then he'll be more comfortable without the aid and I can't see why it would delay his speech. He can hear all levels of speech with the one ear, it's not the same as a child missing certain pitches completely. He'll struggle in noisy environments with lots of overlapping sounds and with locating directions sound comes from. And aid will slightly improve the first issue but can make it worse if not correctly calibrated- and I'd imagine a 2yo isn't going to be upto to that.

On top of the issues at nursery, you have a massive DP problem. What a wet blanket. Won’t get a job that’s beneath him even though his family need the money. How if he going to run his own business when he can’t even speak to the nursery? Sounds absolutely pathetic.
I assume the nursery hours are free? Look into other nurseries tonight. He’s not going to do it, so take charge and get shit done.

People who think jobs are beneath them are missing a few points especially when they have families to support . A job can give you skills dealing with people , confidence and showing your ideal job employer that you have a work ethic if you are in work. Also he can be gaining skills saving money towards investment in his own company one day.

If he can join a School nursery in September I would pull him out and keep him at home.

Plenty working in those places have degrees. He needs to not be snobby.

If he is deaf or quite hard of hearing he needs hearing aids. This is coming from someone who couldn't talk properly until she was 10 but would have done with hearing aids. Even now without them in life is much harder. It will not help him speak if he can't hear.