Sleepover - opinions pls

11 year olds still in primary?

I have always had my children’s friends for get togethers and sleepovers and a couple of holidays and they have so much fun. I’m a teacher with a DBS on the Update Service so this may have affected the parent’s choices to allow it. I would try and get to know the family more so you can decide if you’re comfortable with them. My kids have stayed over at friends houses where I’ve been fully comfortable with the parents. Speak to the mum, maybe invite her to yours and you’ll soon know if you’re happy with sending her.

I would get to know the family so that I could let her go.

I think the way you are framing the invite as "bold" or a "big ask" is kind of nasty. It's a generous offer, not an ask. You aren't doing them a favour.

I think the most likely reason is that the birthday girl is desperate for a sleepover, but their house is too small, so they thought this would be a fun alternative.

Obviously trust your instinct, but in your shoes I think I’d let her go if she felt comfortable. Make sure she has a phone so she can contact you independently (without having to ask anyone else’s permission), let her know she can call anytime of night. You could look into staying close by if that helps.

There’s lots of reasons why your child might not have slept at theirs - small house, daughter not having own room, irregular work schedule, early morning activities.

driving your daughter there might also not work unless you also take someone else - that would be nice to offer but only if your daughter is staying otherwise it doesn’t work.

The relevant factor would be the theme park though... The birthday girl may only have other friends who have never ridden large coasters or are scared to go on them. If you want to travel to a theme park for your birthday, then you'll definitely want to make sure to take someone who is prepared to ride everything that you want to ride.

🙄

I'm guessing because they are 11 that they made friends when they started secondary school

Which does make it feel even weirded that you're making a thing about only knowing each other a year

😄

No. I wouldn’t let my daughter sleep near an unknown man.

Gosh I have invited my DD’s friends to do similar, under similar circumstances, and no parents have ever expressed any reservations. I suppose I wouldn’t have minded anyone asking questions about sleeping arrangements etc, but I would have been surprised and disappointed if any child had been prevented from coming.

DD has been invited to two trips away/hotel stays at a similar age. The first I didn’t know the family at all, and DD didn’t end up attending due to a conflict with a dance competition, but she would have gone if she’d been free. The second, I knew the family much better so it’s possibly a bit different than your situation. But generally speaking, we live in a country where children are put into different classes every single year at school, which means that friends are often “right now” friends rather than life-long friends, and we don’t always have the opportunity to get to know the families.

I’m curious about why your DD never having stayed at their home makes a difference. What do you think might or might not happen in a hotel room that couldn’t happen at their homes? Obviously if your DD has anxiety about sleepovers and doesn’t want to stay, then fair enough. But I don’t understand where your own reservations are coming from.

Are your daughter and this girl good friends? It seems odd this girl has chosen her for her birthday treat when they have not had play dates or sleepovers before.

If there’s time for some play dates and getting to know the family, I’d try to make it Haken but as things stand, no.

Not going Downstairs may well be to do with the burglar alarm.

if I was worried I would be saying “rather than take 2 trips, why don’t I drive X&Y? We can meet you there, I have always wanted to visit (nearby destination) so it’s a good excuse”. You could even book a room in the same hotel for you and DD, get to know these people a bit better.

That seems odd since it is well known that paedophiles are drawn to work in professions where they have access to vulnerable children, hence the likelihood of a member of those professions being suspect is higher.

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What a bunch of arseholes, inviting kids on theme park trips and nice holidays.

OP I would make sure the birthday girl is happy with you messing around with the arrangements, driving back and forth. Part of the treat is the sleepover in the hotel and she might prefer to take someone who isn’t assuming her family are predators.

I think it sounds like brilliant fun and you should do everything you can to make it happen. Eg get to know the parents more, have the friends over to your homes.

If this was my DD’s best friend asking, I wouldn’t even question it because they’ve been friends for 8 years and we know her family well. Parents I’ve barely spoken to? No, I’d be a bit more hesitant to agree.

I’d be fine with it. 3 kids all adults now and went on plenty of sleepovers.

It would be nice if you could find a way to make it work. Is there time for you to get to know the family a little better, can you call the mother to talk about details or even meet up along with your DDs? Or what about helping with the transport there and even staying for the first day. DD is guaranteed day 1 and you can decide if you are comfortable leaving her there, based on the dynamic.

Most UK theme parks are shut at the moment, so is the trip a way off yet? Time to get to know them a bit better maybe? Or are you not in the UK?

I think I'd want to know the room set up, that the girls were sharing with mum and the brother and step dad elsewhere. Other than that, if your DD wants to go, I'd try to make it work.

I think it sounds ok. When is the trip, can you have the girl over to your house first/ speak to the mum ?

the going downstairs thing could be for a number of reasons - alarm set, dog, creaky floorboards etc.