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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sleepover - opinions pls

140 replies

Daisydoo23 · 20/01/2026 21:54

My DD has been asked to go to a theme park and stay over in a hotel with her friend for her birthday and her family (mom, stepdad, brother and sister plus friend) so they get 2 days at the park. A bit of context:

My DD (11) has been friends with a girl from school for around 12 months.
I have spoken to the girls mom around 5/6 times at the school, a handleful of texts.
DD has said previously that the friend cannot go downstairs until told to (which i think is strange).
Neither have been to each other's houses for the day in that time, let alone sleepover

I understand it's a nice gesture, but AIBU to think it's bold of the mom to ask for the overnight stay considering the above? I personally couldn't ask someone for permission for their child to stay over elsewhere considering they haven't even stayed at my home or even visited for the day?

I have said that DD can go for the day but I'm not happy for the overnight stay, I know nothing about them, haven't met the other children or stepdad. The mom said the stepdad would take the mom and siblings and come back for my DD with her friend, well I drive, so surely it would be easier for me to just take her myself?

But I just wanted others opinions really. Wwyd have done in this situation?

OP posts:
bittertwisted · 21/01/2026 21:50

VikaOlson · 21/01/2026 21:42

This would be a no from me, I wouldn't want my child in such a vulnerable situation.

So obviously you would decline the entirety of the party

bittertwisted · 21/01/2026 21:48

TappyGilmore · 21/01/2026 21:32

That’s incredibly rude of you. The party is a sleepover, and the birthday child probably would have chosen a different friend to invite if she’d known that your child thinks she can just come to part of it but not all of it.

It would be better if you just refused the whole invitation so that the birthday child can just invite someone else instead.

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I agree, patronising and self righteous

you have every right to decide your daughter can’t go to the sleepover but decline the whole invite, the hotel sleepover is probably the most anticipated part of the trip

VikaOlson · 21/01/2026 21:42

This would be a no from me, I wouldn't want my child in such a vulnerable situation.

BlueWellieSocks · 21/01/2026 21:37

StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 21/01/2026 19:07

11 year olds still in primary?

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Children turn 11 in year 6, so yes, plenty of 11 year olds in primary school.

OP, my decision would be based on the sleeping arrangements. All sharing together, then no. But I would be very apprehensive if I didn't know the family well.

TappyGilmore · 21/01/2026 21:32

Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 20:15

I meant I've agreed to let them taking DD not to the overnight stay. I don't have a problem with her staying out per say it's just that I don't know the family

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That’s incredibly rude of you. The party is a sleepover, and the birthday child probably would have chosen a different friend to invite if she’d known that your child thinks she can just come to part of it but not all of it.

It would be better if you just refused the whole invitation so that the birthday child can just invite someone else instead.

StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 21/01/2026 21:29

Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 20:30

It will be when they open again early April, we're in London.

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April but you don't think you've got time to get to know the family? 🤣

TappyGilmore · 21/01/2026 21:27

Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 20:23

I don't get why you would be surprised and disappointed if a parent said no to a sleepover, it's their child so I'd be sad for my child but thats about it, I'd respect their decision?
My reservations are as I said, I don't know the family nowhere near well enough. I think that's valid enough lol

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You don’t understand why someone would be surprised and disappointed to basically be accused of being a “predator”, to use the word from a different post? Okay then …

What I think is odd is to refuse an invitation on the grounds that you don’t know someone well, but not make any attempt to get to know them. So you are effectively teaching your child to never expand their circle of friends.

Oriunda · 21/01/2026 21:26

If it’s the Lego hotel, the actual hotel stay is a big part of the fun.

What are the sleeping arrangements? If it’s in April, you have plenty of time to get to know the family, surely?

Swissmeringue · 21/01/2026 21:15

As things stand I wouldn't allow it. I'd drive DD to the theme park and pick her up in the evenings so she could enjoy both days but sleep at home. However it depends when the trip is, if there's enough time to get to know the other family and make sure she was comfortable with them and I trusted them beforehand then I'd try to do that so she could go if she wanted to.

Vodkamartini3olives · 21/01/2026 21:12

If it's not happening until April that gives you lots of time to get to know them. I think what will happen is the friend Will end up inviting someone else and your daughter will be left feeling left out.

Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 20:30

bittertwisted · 21/01/2026 20:25

I am intrigued by the venue
I assumed Alton Towers and splash landings, but as another poster said , it is closed

It will be when they open again early April, we're in London.

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 20:28

FunnyOrca · 21/01/2026 07:42

Are your daughter and this girl good friends? It seems odd this girl has chosen her for her birthday treat when they have not had play dates or sleepovers before.

If there’s time for some play dates and getting to know the family, I’d try to make it Haken but as things stand, no.

They play together at school with some other children and play roblox together whilst on the phone. But neither have ever asked to go to each others homes and I've never suggested so that's why

OP posts:
bittertwisted · 21/01/2026 20:25

I am intrigued by the venue
I assumed Alton Towers and splash landings, but as another poster said , it is closed

Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 20:24

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 21/01/2026 07:34

If this was my DD’s best friend asking, I wouldn’t even question it because they’ve been friends for 8 years and we know her family well. Parents I’ve barely spoken to? No, I’d be a bit more hesitant to agree.

I agree x

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 20:23

TappyGilmore · 21/01/2026 08:01

Gosh I have invited my DD’s friends to do similar, under similar circumstances, and no parents have ever expressed any reservations. I suppose I wouldn’t have minded anyone asking questions about sleeping arrangements etc, but I would have been surprised and disappointed if any child had been prevented from coming.

DD has been invited to two trips away/hotel stays at a similar age. The first I didn’t know the family at all, and DD didn’t end up attending due to a conflict with a dance competition, but she would have gone if she’d been free. The second, I knew the family much better so it’s possibly a bit different than your situation. But generally speaking, we live in a country where children are put into different classes every single year at school, which means that friends are often “right now” friends rather than life-long friends, and we don’t always have the opportunity to get to know the families.

I’m curious about why your DD never having stayed at their home makes a difference. What do you think might or might not happen in a hotel room that couldn’t happen at their homes? Obviously if your DD has anxiety about sleepovers and doesn’t want to stay, then fair enough. But I don’t understand where your own reservations are coming from.

I don't get why you would be surprised and disappointed if a parent said no to a sleepover, it's their child so I'd be sad for my child but thats about it, I'd respect their decision?
My reservations are as I said, I don't know the family nowhere near well enough. I think that's valid enough lol

OP posts:
bittertwisted · 21/01/2026 20:22

Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 20:15

I meant I've agreed to let them taking DD not to the overnight stay. I don't have a problem with her staying out per say it's just that I don't know the family

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I respect your feelings and boundaries. However they aren’t the same as mine and if I was the mum in this scenario I would be asking a different child. The hotel sleepover is a huge part of this birthday extravaganza, you can’t take that away from the birthday girl

Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 20:15

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 21/01/2026 20:05

I am glad you have agreed. I get it’s scary but we need to let our children have experiences and build some independence.

I don’t think it’s a big ask. You need to change your perspective here otherwise you will struggle as your daughter gets older.

I meant I've agreed to let them taking DD not to the overnight stay. I don't have a problem with her staying out per say it's just that I don't know the family

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 20:13

Bearbookagainandagain · 21/01/2026 19:19

I don't think it's "bold". She can ask and you can say no.

Of course.
Clearly I'm not good with words because people seem to think it's come across as rude. I've even stated that I understand it's a nice gesture then listed my concerns.

OP posts:
LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 21/01/2026 20:05

I am glad you have agreed. I get it’s scary but we need to let our children have experiences and build some independence.

I don’t think it’s a big ask. You need to change your perspective here otherwise you will struggle as your daughter gets older.

Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 19:26

RawBloomers · 21/01/2026 17:47

I would get to know the family so that I could let her go.

I think the way you are framing the invite as "bold" or a "big ask" is kind of nasty. It's a generous offer, not an ask. You aren't doing them a favour.

Maybe to you, but personally I think asking to have someone else's child overnight IS a big ask. My DD is my only child and the most important thing in my life so yeah I'd say it's big ask

OP posts:
Bearbookagainandagain · 21/01/2026 19:19

I don't think it's "bold". She can ask and you can say no.

Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 19:16

StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 21/01/2026 19:07

11 year olds still in primary?

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What are you implying?

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 19:14

CurlewKate · 21/01/2026 19:12

Sounds as if they’re trying to create as little inconvenience for you as possible. It’s very odd you think they are doing a bad thing by saving you the drive!

Where did I say it was a bad thing by them offering to drive? I think you'll find it said surely it's logical for me to take DD

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 19:12

BruisedNeckMeat · 21/01/2026 07:38

What a bunch of arseholes, inviting kids on theme park trips and nice holidays.

OP I would make sure the birthday girl is happy with you messing around with the arrangements, driving back and forth. Part of the treat is the sleepover in the hotel and she might prefer to take someone who isn’t assuming her family are predators.

I have agreed for my DD to go with them, I was just asking the question about it being more logical for me to take her rather than one parent doing another trip to collect DD.
DD hasn't had any sleepovers other than with family and a school residential before Christmas and her friend is aware of that so it's not like I'm singling out her parents as predators at all.
It's the fact I don't know them well enough and don't feel I could get to know them well enough in that time either. There is another friend of DDs from nursery at the school, if it was her mom i would say yes even with her stepdad because I know her enough to know how she parents her children, what she stands for etc
Given that I don't know them well, if i was the parent on the other foot I would totally understand where the other parent was coming from rather than see it as an insult- I mean it's only someone's child you're asking to have overnight after all 🙄

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 21/01/2026 19:12

Sounds as if they’re trying to create as little inconvenience for you as possible. It’s very odd you think they are doing a bad thing by saving you the drive!

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