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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sleepover - opinions pls

140 replies

Daisydoo23 · 20/01/2026 21:54

My DD has been asked to go to a theme park and stay over in a hotel with her friend for her birthday and her family (mom, stepdad, brother and sister plus friend) so they get 2 days at the park. A bit of context:

My DD (11) has been friends with a girl from school for around 12 months.
I have spoken to the girls mom around 5/6 times at the school, a handleful of texts.
DD has said previously that the friend cannot go downstairs until told to (which i think is strange).
Neither have been to each other's houses for the day in that time, let alone sleepover

I understand it's a nice gesture, but AIBU to think it's bold of the mom to ask for the overnight stay considering the above? I personally couldn't ask someone for permission for their child to stay over elsewhere considering they haven't even stayed at my home or even visited for the day?

I have said that DD can go for the day but I'm not happy for the overnight stay, I know nothing about them, haven't met the other children or stepdad. The mom said the stepdad would take the mom and siblings and come back for my DD with her friend, well I drive, so surely it would be easier for me to just take her myself?

But I just wanted others opinions really. Wwyd have done in this situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 23:12

StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 21/01/2026 22:54

Yes so you think they should pay for TWO children to go to the park then

You can't be this stupid surely?

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I offered to pay for DD. So if the child wanted another child to come then they could have taken me up on the offer. So no im not expecting them to pay for 2 children

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 23:11

Eggybreadwithnuts · 21/01/2026 22:59

Absolutely not. Sleep overs should be banned altogether in my opinion

Thankyou!

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 23:11

AmateurDad · 21/01/2026 22:57

It's not "incredibly rude"; that is a ridiculous comment

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Thankyou!

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 23:09

BooneyBeautiful · 21/01/2026 22:52

I remember my old boss telling me, many years ago, about the time he went on a camping trip with the cubs because his son was a member, so he went as an adult helper. He shared a tent with the leader who was, some years later, convicted of child sexual abuse.

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I can believe that! I mean I know you could know someone for years and it still happen, it's life unfortunately, people can be deceiving. However I'd feel a lot more comfortable had I known the family since reception say, and been to their houses etc, parties over the years. But you still never know, they say its usually family/close friends. But where i can minimise the risk i will

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Eggybreadwithnuts · 21/01/2026 22:59

Absolutely not. Sleep overs should be banned altogether in my opinion

AmateurDad · 21/01/2026 22:57

TappyGilmore · 21/01/2026 21:32

That’s incredibly rude of you. The party is a sleepover, and the birthday child probably would have chosen a different friend to invite if she’d known that your child thinks she can just come to part of it but not all of it.

It would be better if you just refused the whole invitation so that the birthday child can just invite someone else instead.

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It's not "incredibly rude"; that is a ridiculous comment

StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 21/01/2026 22:54

Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:52

What? Why would they be in the car all day? They'd be on the rides with everyone else. They'd be picked up by the friends stepdad with my dd in the morning and stay overnight with them and come back the next day. My dd would come home with me at the end of the first day

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Yes so you think they should pay for TWO children to go to the park then

You can't be this stupid surely?

RawBloomers · 21/01/2026 22:53

Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 19:26

Maybe to you, but personally I think asking to have someone else's child overnight IS a big ask. My DD is my only child and the most important thing in my life so yeah I'd say it's big ask

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They don’t want her, they want to give her a trip out. She’s important to you, of course, but pretty much nobody else actually wants your child.

StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 21/01/2026 22:53

Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:49

Good for them! She can have people stay at my home so I'm sure she'll survive

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Except she risks being ostracised for being the child never allowed to their house

You have no idea

BooneyBeautiful · 21/01/2026 22:52

Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 07:19

Tbf I get where she's coming from. DBS isn't really worth the paper it's written on, unless someone's been caught before

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I remember my old boss telling me, many years ago, about the time he went on a camping trip with the cubs because his son was a member, so he went as an adult helper. He shared a tent with the leader who was, some years later, convicted of child sexual abuse.

Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:52

StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 21/01/2026 22:46

What, so is the 2nd child supposed to sit in the car all day?

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What? Why would they be in the car all day? They'd be on the rides with everyone else. They'd be picked up by the friends stepdad with my dd in the morning and stay overnight with them and come back the next day. My dd would come home with me at the end of the first day

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:49

StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 21/01/2026 22:40

She will if you insist on more than a couple of months to know a family before you let them have her for a sleepover 🤣

She'll be making new friends in September who will be having sleepovers by Christmas

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Good for them! She can have people stay at my home so I'm sure she'll survive

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StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 21/01/2026 22:46

Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:45

It's thorpe park. And yes another friend to stay over and DD for the day

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What, so is the 2nd child supposed to sit in the car all day?

Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:45

StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 21/01/2026 22:36

Is it Alton Towers? Because if you're in London I'd assume Legoland, Thorpe Park (though they're a little young) or Chessington to be able to do a drop off and then come back and pick your DD and friend up.

You now seem to be suggesting they take a 2nd friend ALL day?

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It's thorpe park. And yes another friend to stay over and DD for the day

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whatcanthematterbe81 · 21/01/2026 22:40

Starting to realise I’m a bit more relaxed than most. I don’t mean that in a “I’m better than you” way, I mean it like I’m toooo relaxed as I’ve read a few threads like this lately m. I’ve done this with friends who I’ve known the same amount of time, or less. I will make sure I can call my child whenever I want and vice versa but other than that, if I get a good feeling from the parents I allow it . I’ve had so may kids stay with me too. I’m a nice, normal (ish) Mum and no one has ever said no to me for a sleepover, but if we were going by your standards, they all would. You have to trust your instincts tho, if you’re not feeling it, then don’t!

StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 21/01/2026 22:40

Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:37

She really won't miss out in seniors though lol I don't restrict her from doing things at all, she went on her residential with the school, it's just this particular situation I dont feel comfortable with

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She will if you insist on more than a couple of months to know a family before you let them have her for a sleepover 🤣

She'll be making new friends in September who will be having sleepovers by Christmas

Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:37

Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:33

Im just explaining that the child didnt need to be upset if I was asked first.

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She really won't miss out in seniors though lol I don't restrict her from doing things at all, she went on her residential with the school, it's just this particular situation I dont feel comfortable with

OP posts:
StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 21/01/2026 22:36

Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:31

Why couldn't they invite another child for the sleepiver part I'm confused? They're doing another trip to collect DD as it is on the way there, so could also bring another child along. I would pick up DD from the park and they can continue with their evening. They would still need to do 2 trips on the way back if my DD stayed with them. So inviting another child wouldnt make a difference

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Is it Alton Towers? Because if you're in London I'd assume Legoland, Thorpe Park (though they're a little young) or Chessington to be able to do a drop off and then come back and pick your DD and friend up.

You now seem to be suggesting they take a 2nd friend ALL day?

Tulcan · 21/01/2026 22:34

Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:31

Why couldn't they invite another child for the sleepiver part I'm confused? They're doing another trip to collect DD as it is on the way there, so could also bring another child along. I would pick up DD from the park and they can continue with their evening. They would still need to do 2 trips on the way back if my DD stayed with them. So inviting another child wouldnt make a difference

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I hardly know where to begin.

Nobody can not understand why they may not want to bring two extra children on a trip to a theme park. It’s just not possible that you can’t work out reasons for yourself.

Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:33

StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 21/01/2026 22:29

"I" "I" "I"

You are only focusing on you.

You wouldn't invite a child you didn't know well but they did.

Your daughter will end up missing out on so much, especially at secondary school, if you keep your rigid way of thinking

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Im just explaining that the child didnt need to be upset if I was asked first.

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:31

Tulcan · 21/01/2026 22:24

But it’s your child who shouldn’t get want they want. Not the one whose birthday it is.

They can’t just invite another child for the sleepover part! And they aren’t going to want the hoo-haa of handing over a child who is going home.

Your child has been invited for two days at a theme park and a night in a hotel to celebrate a friends birthday. That is what you are accepting or declining.

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Why couldn't they invite another child for the sleepiver part I'm confused? They're doing another trip to collect DD as it is on the way there, so could also bring another child along. I would pick up DD from the park and they can continue with their evening. They would still need to do 2 trips on the way back if my DD stayed with them. So inviting another child wouldnt make a difference

OP posts:
StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 21/01/2026 22:29

Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:25

Tbf if it was my DD and she asked if a friend could sleepover too and i didnt know them too well, I would personally tell DD that the friend could come for the day only. Then I would ask the parent first and see what they said, that way the child wouldn't even need to know i was considering it. If the parent said yes i have one happy child. If not then she was non the wiser. My child respects what I say, if she has to wait for something she wants then she waits. Sometimes she doesn't always get what she wants, and I think it's a good way to raise them rather than them expecting everything. Yes they can ask but it doesn't mean they always get.

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"I" "I" "I"

You are only focusing on you.

You wouldn't invite a child you didn't know well but they did.

Your daughter will end up missing out on so much, especially at secondary school, if you keep your rigid way of thinking

Original poster
Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:25

StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 21/01/2026 22:18

But you could avoid the child being upset by not making decisions about her birthday to suit you

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Tbf if it was my DD and she asked if a friend could sleepover too and i didnt know them too well, I would personally tell DD that the friend could come for the day only. Then I would ask the parent first and see what they said, that way the child wouldn't even need to know i was considering it. If the parent said yes i have one happy child. If not then she was non the wiser. My child respects what I say, if she has to wait for something she wants then she waits. Sometimes she doesn't always get what she wants, and I think it's a good way to raise them rather than them expecting everything. Yes they can ask but it doesn't mean they always get.

OP posts:
Tulcan · 21/01/2026 22:24

Daisydoo23 · 21/01/2026 22:15

Fair enough, but personally children don't always get what they want do they and that's life. I can't ignore my feelings because the child is upset

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But it’s your child who shouldn’t get want they want. Not the one whose birthday it is.

They can’t just invite another child for the sleepover part! And they aren’t going to want the hoo-haa of handing over a child who is going home.

Your child has been invited for two days at a theme park and a night in a hotel to celebrate a friends birthday. That is what you are accepting or declining.