Sleepover - opinions pls

The entitlement

The fact neither child has spent any time at each others houses would make it a no for me. And I say that as a parent who regularly hosts sleepovers for my dc and allow friends to come away with us. But it’s only because I have got to know the dc friends that I know which ones I am happy to have in my home for just a few hours and which ones could sleepover all weekend if they wanted!

You absolutely are.

You have been extremely rude and presumptuous. If I was the birthday girl’s mother I would be really pissed off that I was now in the awkward position of having to uninvite your DD. You should have declined the whole invitation and then wait to see if THEY suggested just coming for the day.

We all know by now that children are at most risk from someone they know well. That’s what grooming is. Your DD is probably far safer in a hotel room shared with other kids, with adults she isn’t that familiar with than someone she and you know very well in a family home.

You must give them a very clear and easy way for them to leave your DD out altogether.

I doubt that this will be a big party because it's going to be expensive per head. Therefore the fact birthday child has invited your probably means that she really wants your child there. If that's the case, parents are going to feel some pressure to make sure that your child can attend the part that you will allow her to attend even if this means organising things differently so that your child can be picked up part way through. It's RUDE to put them in this position.

Which wasn't what your point was initially!

And still doesn't change the fact you want them to invite another child on to the trip because of your hang ups!

You don't have to make sure the child "gets what she wants" or "Ignore your feelings because the child gets upset", you have to stop expecting another child's family to plan the child's whole birthday celebration around your preferences for your child because that is just rude!

You are entitled to say no if you aren’t comfortable. But all this stuff about them being presumptuous, or weird for offering a lift, or inviting another kid is pretty mad and makes your judgement about it all seem off. They ask, you say no/yes. Job done.

(personally I would try to say yes as I bet my kid would love it and I think this is not really seeming like a high risk situation. You could ask the girl over for a play date beforehand etc etc. But it’s your call).

Agreed.

We are very cautious on sleepovers, and would probably do whatever needed to facilitate a day trip as against staying over. But, if my daughter really wanted to I would work on getting to know the family better in the interim and making a decision nearer the time.

There's nothing bold or unusual about them asking though, and it sounds very kind of them to offer to drive backwards and forwards to get her. It sounds like their daughter really wants yours to come and they're offering to put themselves out greatly to help.

She's too young to be sleeping with strangers. I wouldn't allow any sleepover where men are present until my child was old enough to fend for herself and make her own way home if she felt uncomfortable. So basically an adult.

To me 11 is old to not have had a sleepover. And in high school you won’t know all your daughters friends parents.

having an additional child with you versus what is planned is more work for them so even if you drop off and collect and pay they still might not want to invite another. Also would mean she gets more friends than her sister which might not go down well.

At least let the parents know that you understand if they would rather invite someone else instead.

Just look after them, feed them, be responsible for them

That's the big ask! And so bloody cheeky

I agree. Just go with your gut instinct. I remember when DD was about 13/14, the boyfriend of her best friend's mum frequently texted her which I thought was very inappropriate. In normal times I would have challenged it, but at the time I was in a very vulnerable position (long story/ill health), so didn't want to jeopardise the relationship with the mum as she was helping me and DC a lot. I did check with DD what was going on though and monitored the situation. None of the texts were sexual, but it was very odd. I didn't feel comfortable with the guy and it turned out he had been cheating, so they eventually split up.

so this other child’s parents are ok with the sleepover? Is their child not as precious as yours?
why on earth do you think you have the right to change this party to suit you? Just say your DD can’t go. You have every right to make that decision but you can’t change the party to suit you and DD

Kids come to sleepovers at mine. But all female house. If I have family here ( male) they all stay downstairs and don't sleep over.
No way would I allow sleepover in family room with mixed.