Washing 11 year old sons hair

I'm the same. Hate water on my face, don't like the pressure of the shower on my nose, makes me splutter. My mum washed my hair until into my 30s when I left home. My own home gas a better set up and space for me to wash my hair over the bath, with an over the bath shower. Whatever works. Now I'm in a position where I'm washing my 9yo hair and will probably be doing so for years to come because he has, long, thick hair that goes beyond his shoulders.

I dont thinknits unreasonable at all. Whatever works for you all.

Parents care for adult children (with disabilities or need extra care) all the time

Don’t see anything wrong with it, you’re his mum. In the long run I think try and either transition to him doing it himself or he could (if he’s okay with it obviously) rock the bald look.

Are there safeguarding issues with his mum washing his hair?

I think if you are happy doing it and he is comfortable you doing it then it isn’t a problem. But you need to prepare he is no longer comfortable because I imagine it will happen suddenly and then he won’t have the skills to do it so maybe start building up to him doing it. Maybe start with him doing the shampoo, then wetting a facecloth and squeezing the water out as a pre rinse then maybe a small plastic cup.

My daughter had similar issues, but she eventually grew out of it and I have not washed it for around 2 years now - she is 16.

I didn't make a big deal out of it and just did it for her.

This is perfect! Trunks until his hair is done and he's on his own :). No worries then. And, of course, keep encouraging him to do parts of it himself, until hopefully he can manage. He will get there! Not everyone can do things at the same pace.

SD needs to stf up

My son is 11, 12 in April (ADHD/autistic) and the battle for hygiene is huge with this one. It's not a new thing for kids with ND (or adults either).
I choose not to fight with my kids over the things that make them feel bad whereas their dad likes to take on the role of, "you will do as I say and you will get in the bath even if I have to pick you up and put you in it". Cue meltdown, my son will shout at his dad and become emotional and it's a horrid environment for everyone.
Thing is, when he's in the bath..... We can't get him out of it!! Even though he'll lay in the bath saying how much he wants to get out 😳😤
My DD who is 7 doesn't like having her hair washed because of the water going in her eyes but it's less traumatic than my DS experience.

If my kids ever want help in their life, I will give it to them

My youngest DS (no SEN) is also 11. He can wash his own hair but prefers I do it. I like it too as we have a good chat. Neither of us is worried about nudity and when DS is bothered we can stop. No idea why your husband thinks he should have a say on this. His views are irrelevant.

11 yr old DD I still wash her hair albeit it's quite long and if she does it herself she gets dandruff after a while and always looks greasy. She is the same hates water in her eyes so she uses the hand towel while I shower it. Nothing wrong with this. Tell your DP to shut up!

vosene is the same for me! but my mum wasn't very gentle really

I had one like a sunflower round my head when I was a kid!

I wash my 16 yo DD’s hair — you gotta do what you gotta do 😌
(learning disabled AuAdhd)

You can buy hair washing shield right up to adult size on Amazon, Chemists. They are like a visor you wear lower so keep shampoo, water away from the eyes.

Mine is 11 and NT. I still wash his hair in the bath. And then sometimes have to stay to time him holding his breath under water lol. He can do it himself but mostly still asks me to do it and I don't mind. My daughter asked for hair washes until she was 14! I'd never even thought of it being a problem. She had no problem doing it herself when she eventually decided she would. Tell the SD to mind his own business!

If Mum and Dad are on the same page it's got bugger all to do with your partner really. I say that as a step parent myself.

Keep washing his hair! I have to tell my son every show each step one by one over and over and over again! It’s torture BUT it’s needed. I don’t physically wash him but I need to be there to even remind him to wet his hair.

also, I have a family member who says “vosene” shampoo makes them think of parental love. He says his mum didn’t show him much love in the 70’s but he does remember being about 10 and she would wash his hair at the pool. That to him was a sign she loved him and the smell reminds him of this time even 40 years later.

wash your boys hair! :)

My ASD son was sensitive to water just like yours. Now he goes to swimming on a Sunday and that is considered as a wash day. I have to beg him to take a shower once a week when he starts to stink as he is almost 14. He doesn't like washing his face so has congested skin, but agrees to use micellar water for a quick swipe in the morning. Believe me that is a win .Keep doing what you are doing and tell your BF that its none of his business. Actually it should be his business to learn more about ASD if he is to be around for long.

This.... it's a lovely bonding time... enjoy.

My 12 yr old also has ASD but doesn't have sensory issues with water. He has been doing everything independently for about 2 years but recently I spoke to him about shampoo and he told me he has never used it. I presumed he meant he just used shower gel but no, apparently he never used anything in his hair. About two years unwashed and I never noticed! His hair is short. He does however let the hot water flow over his head, he actually gets great comfort from it so I appreciate it's not the same OP. But it does make us realise we don't have to be as rigid with our expectations. I told him to shampoo occasionally but I'm not going to fight him over it.

Ds1 has asd i did his hair all the way up to 15/16 he tried doing it himself a few times badly and improved slowly but he got there it took its time though and now he is doing it independently

I washed my son's hair until he was 18.
It was done separately from him having his shower which he did himself.
I washed it on a Sunday over the bath and it took me 5 minutes. If your shower head comes off get him to hang his head over the bath whilst you wash his hair. He can cover his face with his hands or a separate towel that way he doesn't get water in his eyes.
My son who has asd loved me doing it but I said it was time for him to do it himself.
Ignore his dad's comments,if you want to do it and it makes him happy,do it and you can ensure that he is keeping his hair clean.

Different country but very likely can still get this/something similar. We use a waterpik dog washing wand in the bath tub for my son who hates the water feeling. It has been a huge help. He can control the flow/speed of the water, it is a wand, so not a gush/very easily controllable, it really allows you to direct the water away from the face. Yes, I wash my kids with a dog washing device. Yes it is INCREDIBLE.

You can buy waterless shampoo caps from mobility/disabiluty shops. Like a shower cap but with foam shampoo inside. Try it.