Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this unprofessional (childcare)

44 replies

Abcdanon · 20/01/2026 19:54

I found a childcare setting through a recommendation from a friend. She originally found this setting online. A couple of years have passed and I’ve noticed that she’s built a relationship with the owner - started as going out for drinks, tagging each other on SM, now going on holiday together.
She does things for her kids (like still take them on days she’s closed, drop off to school) which she doesn’t offer to anyone else so it’s more of a private favour.

It doesn’t bother me in the sense that it happens - I don’t need anything extra from this setting so it’s not like it impacts me that she gets favours but it got me thinking - what’s the “code of conduct” for childcare settings? Have looked online a bit and as much as it’s not prohibited, the EYFS and safeguarding conduct expects employees not to form personal relationships because of things like favouritism (even perceived favouritism) and to ensure all families are treated equally.

In any other profession things like this would be frowned upon. Thoughts?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Skippydoodle · 20/01/2026 21:55

Get another interest. FFS.

Purlant · 20/01/2026 21:47

I don’t really understand how this could be a safeguarding issue? Do you think something is more likely to happen because they are friends? I can’t work out what.

I can’t really work out how it’s unprofessional either, why would being friends with someone make them want to risk their professionalism and reputation?

People who work together go out for drinks together, go on holiday together, some even marry each other! I’ve not know it to raise an issue (apart from if it’s a niche job where the contract completely forbids it). I often go out with my colleagues (and clients and subcontractors) as we are genuinely friends (I even lived with one for years!). I’ve stayed friends with most of them too who have left.

KidsDoBetter · 20/01/2026 21:24

Don’t be so bloody daft.

Original poster
Abcdanon · 20/01/2026 21:23

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 20/01/2026 21:08

OP - I’ll go against the grain to say I can see why this could be seen as crossing boundaries.

in my profession it’s not ok to befriend a client and relationships need to remain totally professional. No Facebook friends, sharing personal info, attending family parties, accepting/giving gifts.

So if you come from a profession that has strict boundaries I can see why you’d question it. But I can see others have replied to say it’s ok.

I guess my question would be if there was anything dodgy or complaints - how would this work with friends? I think that’s where it could get messy.

Hit the nail on the head

OP posts:
Original poster
Abcdanon · 20/01/2026 21:22

TeenLifeMum · 20/01/2026 21:04

what profession are you?

Show quote history

enterprise sales

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 20/01/2026 21:08

When my kids were little the nursery staff would offer childcare/babysitting to clients on a paid for basis outside nursery hours. If was good to have a trained babysitter who already knew the kids. This was up to then who they would do it for. I suspect they chose to do it for the parents/children they liked and maybe not for those that were difficult .....

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 20/01/2026 21:08

OP - I’ll go against the grain to say I can see why this could be seen as crossing boundaries.

in my profession it’s not ok to befriend a client and relationships need to remain totally professional. No Facebook friends, sharing personal info, attending family parties, accepting/giving gifts.

So if you come from a profession that has strict boundaries I can see why you’d question it. But I can see others have replied to say it’s ok.

I guess my question would be if there was anything dodgy or complaints - how would this work with friends? I think that’s where it could get messy.

TeenLifeMum · 20/01/2026 21:04

Abcdanon · 20/01/2026 20:40

The only reason I asked was because if I made friends with a client of mine, and then provided some services on the side I would be disciplined. however as someone upthread has said, it’s a very different type of business and through discussion I get that

Show quote history

what profession are you?

Original poster
Abcdanon · 20/01/2026 20:42

PlattyCat · 20/01/2026 20:38

Do you need the extra services? Did you ask and she declined?

No, I was told at the beginning what the scope was and took it as that, just noticed the difference over time

OP posts:
Original poster
Abcdanon · 20/01/2026 20:40

TeenLifeMum · 20/01/2026 20:34

Childcare providers are allowed to make friends and can offer additional childcare to those friends. Weird you had to ask.

The only reason I asked was because if I made friends with a client of mine, and then provided some services on the side I would be disciplined. however as someone upthread has said, it’s a very different type of business and through discussion I get that

OP posts:
PlattyCat · 20/01/2026 20:38

Do you need the extra services? Did you ask and she declined?

Original poster
Abcdanon · 20/01/2026 20:37

TheNightingalesStarling · 20/01/2026 20:32

I thought it was reasonably common for childcare workers to do babysitting in their own free time. For whoever they chose to.

(My DDs nursery teacher was her sisters best friends mum... and we did do quite a bit away from the nursery together, including her babysitting my children overnight once, at her house. And we were friends on SM.
Then a couple if years later, my friend (different person) became her Yr1 teacher... and again saw lots of her out of school!)

To be fair I have heard from mums that use nurseries that this is something the ladies do on the side. I suppose this felt different because of the relationship as a whole, and doing other things like school drop offs during the setting’s opening hours that isn’t a service for everybody

OP posts:
Jellybunny56 · 20/01/2026 20:36

I don’t see any issue with this personally, wouldn’t occur to me that it’s a problem

TeenLifeMum · 20/01/2026 20:34

Childcare providers are allowed to make friends and can offer additional childcare to those friends. Weird you had to ask.

TheNightingalesStarling · 20/01/2026 20:32

I thought it was reasonably common for childcare workers to do babysitting in their own free time. For whoever they chose to.

(My DDs nursery teacher was her sisters best friends mum... and we did do quite a bit away from the nursery together, including her babysitting my children overnight once, at her house. And we were friends on SM.
Then a couple if years later, my friend (different person) became her Yr1 teacher... and again saw lots of her out of school!)

Arlanymor · 20/01/2026 20:31

Abcdanon · 20/01/2026 20:29

You’re really making it in to something it isn’t. But fine, next time I wonder something, I’ll leave out the context and just post a blanket question.

Show quote history

That's a mature response.

Original poster
Abcdanon · 20/01/2026 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You’re really making it in to something it isn’t. But fine, next time I wonder something, I’ll leave out the context and just post a blanket question.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 20/01/2026 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Arlanymor · 20/01/2026 20:25

EvangelineTheNightStar · 20/01/2026 20:24

This, but you could file a report to Oftsed Op?
They have a special “None Of Your Business” department it’ll fit right into!

Show quote history

😂

Original poster
Abcdanon · 20/01/2026 20:24

Arlanymor · 20/01/2026 20:21

If it doesn't affect you then I am not sure why it is occupying any space in your brain - including other people's perceptions - what has it got to do with you exactly? Literally nothing. Sounds like stirring. Bet no one else cares.

Show quote history

Stirring? Do you know them? I’ve literally not voiced this to anybody apart from an anonymous forum where I’ve asked for random, unaffiliated people’s opinions.

OP posts:
EvangelineTheNightStar · 20/01/2026 20:24

Arlanymor · 20/01/2026 20:21

If it doesn't affect you then I am not sure why it is occupying any space in your brain - including other people's perceptions - what has it got to do with you exactly? Literally nothing. Sounds like stirring. Bet no one else cares.

Show quote history

This, but you could file a report to Oftsed Op?
They have a special “None Of Your Business” department it’ll fit right into!

Member974245 · 20/01/2026 20:22

I can see where you're coming from OP but there is no professional code of conduct for early years educators. A lot of settings will have restrictions on staff friending parents on social media but more from a reputational point of view than anything else. Some settings have a policy on working with your own child.

The nature of most settings is that parents and staff are local and inevitably know each other and may well be friends.

Arlanymor · 20/01/2026 20:21

Abcdanon · 20/01/2026 20:18

I literally don’t want anything else from this setting - it works for me as is, otherwise I would have chosen something else.

It doesn’t need to be personal to want to discuss a perception something creates.

Show quote history

If it doesn't affect you then I am not sure why it is occupying any space in your brain - including other people's perceptions - what has it got to do with you exactly? Literally nothing. Sounds like stirring. Bet no one else cares.

Original poster
Abcdanon · 20/01/2026 20:18

Arlanymor · 20/01/2026 20:10

Because this sounded like you had green eyes (but were stopping short of saying you want to pay for the extra time too): I don’t need anything extra from this setting so it’s not like it impacts me that she gets favours.

How is it a favour if she pays then?! You can't have it both ways!

I'm not scolding you, I'm not your mum, but you are being really whiny!

Show quote history

I literally don’t want anything else from this setting - it works for me as is, otherwise I would have chosen something else.

It doesn’t need to be personal to want to discuss a perception something creates.

OP posts:
Original poster
Abcdanon · 20/01/2026 20:16

HewasH2O · 20/01/2026 20:13

A childcare provider, likely to be paying her team close to NMW within a privately owned business, doesn't have to be able to justify charging mates rates and helping out friends.

Members of the medical profession, lawyers, chartered accountants etc are bound by codes of professional ethics and are answerable to disciplinary hearings by their professional bodies. Their professionalism is defined by a need to act in the public interest.

You're comparing apples & pears.

To be fair - this is a good point. I suppose because of the nature of corporate work I do I always think policy - but you’re right in saying that this isn’t that kind of business.

OP posts: