To go out once a week as a mum of a 6 year old?

How many nights is it? If it's 5 nights then maybe I could see this as being a bit much, and I wouldn't want my husband going out that many times leaving me to deal with bedtime each night.
Think it also depends on what you are doing. Sometimes things happen like friends plan catch ups which all fall at the same time then I might not do anything social for a while again. If it's something you could do once the child is in bed then I would probably work around that too e.g. I generally met friends after 7 when mine were little.

I hate the term mum guilt. You are still your own person.

Just go out.

My dh also went out a lot less than me when I was out all the time, but he had a really full on job, so he was over the moon to put the kids to bed and have a few hours on his computer while I was out.

I’ve got a 5 year old (and a 12 year old and a 23 year old).

I’d be out every other night if I had anyone to go with, but I’m mid 40s and everyone I know is obsessed with early nights. It’s maddening!

With my other two, I lived in London and I knew so many more people who wanted to go out, I was out at least once a week, with an hour or so popping to the pub for a chat on a week night. I would love that again, and wouldn’t even think about it.

As the mother of an adult - keep your own life.

Plenty of parents have hobbies (sports, gym, crafts, running things like guides) or commitments (caring for relatives) etc which mean they are gone much more often than once a week. Presumably you're only losing about 2 hours a week max with him as hes asleep most of the evening anyway.

I've always explained that they get playdates to hang out with their friends and have fun, and mums have grown-up playdates with their friends :)

Its so important to model maintaining friendships & a social life

By 6, he should understand that you are a separate person to him with your own wants and needs.

My husband and I are both involved in am dram (we take turns to be in productions) and close to opening night we are likely to be at the theatre 4 or 5 nights a week.

The other parent is there and perfectly capable of looking after her. DD is 5 now and whilst she's glad when a production is over she gets that we are not just her parents and deserve to pursue our hobbies, as she does.

Hi OP, I have a 3 yo and a 6yo and I am out one or two nights a week.

They are both happy to be put to bed by Dad or our after school nanny.

My daughter is very attached to me and would not allow Dad to do bedtime if I was home. But she gets on with it and is actually better behaved when im out!

Maybe dad can come up with a fun little bedtime routine that only happens when you're out and it'll be great bonding for them. Like a game of uno or snakes and ladders or something after dinner.
X

Do it. If you give in to your moaning son now you'll be making a rod for your own back. Also by going out you'll make him eventually realise you are an individual with a life to live. If you give in to this you can forget any social life

I go out 3 nights a week to the gym and then additional nights if I’m invited out with friends. I deserve a life too

I’d understand more if you asked about going out every weekend during the day but surely he’s in bed in the evening so it doesn’t make any difference to him?

My six year old gets terribly upset when either of us or (rarely) both of us go out. Proper big tears! My four year old is less concerned and barely looks up. Every kid is different. We've explained endlessly that mummy and daddy need time to ourselves and to do our own thing to make us better parents but she's six and doesn't really understand that all. Hopefully she will one day and maybe even appreciate that we took the time we needed. I will say, that I have video evidence from grandparents of her laughing away and happy as anything a mere moments after we left once, despite the tantrum at the door.

I think this is all the more reason for you to go out.
Cut the apron strings a bit and stop him behaving like a needy toddler.
There is nothing cute about being a 'mama's boy' when he is in year 1!

What is it you go out to do?

I go out at least once a week and I’ve never felt guilty about it. I would go stir crazy and be a much worse mum if I had 0 social life

I used to when the kids were that age. And once a week was fine, but if I had multiple, and they were usually work-related, I'd try to limit them.

I go out two - three evenings a week (have a two and five year old). The kids moan about it most of the time but they always survive.

No of course once a week isn't excessive!

Questions like this make me wonder if I've damaged my children, I went out pretty much whenever I was invited or wanted to when they were that age. They probably didn't even know as they would have been in bed.

What time are you going out @Wonderinglike and where to earlier than a 6 year olds bed time?

Totally fine OP don’t beat yourself up x

I think YABU to even need to ask the question. Go out and have fun.

I rarely go out, not because of mum guilt or anything like that, but cos I prefer being home. But when I do, DD generally does get upset (and then I think I should do it more to make it more normal for her, and never do cos I like being home).

Doesn't stop me if I have a few different occasions close together though. I'm allowed to have my life and she will appreciate that I gave myself time to do what I wanted/needed when she's older and wondering the same things all women wonder.

Going out one evening a week to do something sounds like a bare minimum to be honest. When do you do things like exercise, see friends?

Christ, everyone is piling in a bit on the kid (who is 6 &loves his mum) and the dad (who is home on a night more than the OP this).

I think it kind of depends on what you are doing that one night every week. Going out till 2am getting plastered then i'd probably say a bit of excessive.

If its to go to cinema, gym class, meet friend for a catch up, then not excessive.

Child might have a whinge, but that's ok. Assume he's fine once you've actually left the house.

then no op, it’s not excessive. On the contrary, given your updates, it seems vital! Otherwise you’re giving all the wrong messages to your son - like your life revolves around him for example.