To go out once a week as a mum of a 6 year old?

I went out about once a week from as soon as I could leave my kids. At the time it was recommended that you breastfeed for a year so once my kids had their first birthday I’d go out once a week. My DH and I also went out together once a week. I think it was important for us to have time together. It was good fun and it was nice to have kid free time.
We were fortunate in that we had some amazing babysitters. I still keep in touch with two of them even though my ‘kids’ are now in their 30s.

I never felt any guilt leaving the kids and I don’t regret it al all.

Get rid of the mum guilt! It's fine! I wish I could leave mine for a breather and me time but single parent and their dad is every other weekend 😂. Enjoy yourself for me pleaseee!! 🖤🖤🖤

So I actually do think it’s too much, IF it’s every single week and IF it’s taking a lot away from family time. If your Dh doing the same would be disruptive. For example, if I went out on Friday and Dh went out on Saturday, when would we ever get time together? It doesn’t matter if the other is actually going out, it matters if it would be too much if they did.

I have a friend who went out to the gym 3 nights a week and so her husband went out 3 nights a week…meaning they only had one night together every week. And then eventually he just started shagging some woman from the gym on his 3 days. 😳

Obviously, an extreme example! I think it’s good to have time for yourself every week though, as long as it’s equitable and as long as it’s reasonable and not disruptive. 2 hours in the early evening for a class or to meet a friend for a coffee is different from 6pm-2am and too hungover to get out of bed til noon. The first is a pretty acceptable use of time once a week. The second is more of a once every 6 months sort of thing.

I've been out two or three evenings a week since my child was born, so no! Their Dad is capable.

Mum guilt is so insidious isn't it! Of course its fine and I think its very natural for your 6 year old to not want you to do it because he's a kid and wants his parents all the time, just see it as a sign that you are a good parent to him. That doesn't mean it would be good for him for you to give in to the guilt he exacts. If anything it's good for him to have the "mini" hardship of not getting his own way on this minor thing and learning that your needs and priorities are different to his.

Everyone/ every family is different with this.
I think once a week to do a hobby/ socialise is a nice thing - a break for you and some one on one time for him and his dad.
I personally wouldn’t go out more than this with young children - I like my evenings/ weekends to be family time. I grew up with a mum that was always there and a dad that was always out … when I look back at my childhood most of my memories are of my mum!

It’s not unreasonable to go out weekly, especially if he’s with his other parent!

my kids, particularly DS, hate me going out and get all clingy. I just reassure them and go out anyway as I need time to be with friends etc.

Well I’m jealous lol

Perfect ok as long as he's left with someone he's happy with. My parents went away for a week when I was 6 and I was very happy with my grandparents. The rest of the time, they were out at least twice a week.

Sounds perfectly reasonable that you should have some time out, well deserved you time

your child will get used to it and dad will get quality time with child

enjoy your own time and don’t worry 😊

Yep, lots of people work in the evenings! I don't see my daughter 3 evenings a week because I work till 8pm.

Do you work full time? Long hours away from DC/DP?

If you're doing a standard 9-5 and home usually for tea/bed I don't see a problem with a couple of times a week, friends, gym, walking the dog.

If you are working lots and don't see DC for tea/bed maybe he's genuinely missing you. A bit of reassurance from you and DP and a few extra nights out short term should be manageable.

Absolutely nothing wrong with you enjoy your life

Go out as much as you want to within the limits of what you can afford, what is fair on the other parent in terms of doing the bedtime grind and ensuring you both have the opportunity to go out solo, and spending time together as a couple. Plenty of parents are out most nights shift work. I go to the gym 2-3 eves per week for an hour. Some weeks I might meet friends twice on one week for the whole eve. At least one of my kids complains when I’m on my way out - I reassure them, say bye and go on my way.

I think if you have the energy and want to absolutely aslong as your not rolling in at 2am every morning pissed up fighting with your husband being loud and then to hungover to get out of bed the next day.

I think it’s fine. My baby is only a few months old and I go out around once a week and hopefully always will!

It’s easier for kids if every bedtime is exactly the same, but that doesn’t teach them resilience. They need to learn that they are safe in many different constellations. I just say I’ll kiss them when I get in and if they wake up in the middle of the night I’ll be there. Be confident and don’t waiver.
The other parent can help a lot by commenting that mummy works hard and it’s nice for her to have fun with her friends/exercise/go to French class.

One of mine was like this OP, she survived and is a well balanced adult now … didn’t seem to cause her lasting trauma!

*some women have mum guilt. (And I'd suggest it's the ones who spend too much time on social media - she says tapping away on MN.)

No of course not. You're fine.

As many PPs have pointed out, when did a man last get asked this question?

Providing your child is safe and with a trusted person and provided its not every night of the week, there's absolutely no problem. "Mum guilt" is a complete waste of time.

You need to (gently) get your son used to this. You don't want to be dealing with this sort of thing in ten years.

You are modelling a healthy adulthood with friends and commitments outside of the family, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this.

100000% acceptable. Even if your child was 1 years old and not 6 I’d be saying the same

this is such a strange post. Of course it’s fine. Do you think that children with parents who work at night eg paramedic are damaged by it? Of course not.

Does he think that adults see their friends at work in the same way that he sees his friends at school? Explain that adults can only meet in the evening after work and that you look forward to seeing them the same way that he looks forward to
seeing his friends. If you think that it might be FOMO, explain that you’re doing stuff that he’d find boring/can’t do like drinking wine and chatting.

If anything you need to consider going out more - even if it’s just to pop out to the Co-op for milk.

Other people go out less due to less opportunities, for example if all your friends are mum friends with different circumstances at home it can be tricky, or due to costs or unsupportive husbands, loads of reasons. Some simply don't want to. Absolutely no reason why you can't if you're enjoying it.