To go out once a week as a mum of a 6 year old?

I worked away and spent a night away from my kids a week for months, and often have to do it now. I did sadly get questioned by a couple of people (often other mums) but no one would ask a man. It’s fine OP.

No, not at all. But I made myself such a bloody martyr that I was desperately unhappy. Shouty and snappy at times because I hated my life. Everything was for him. I did nothing else. I was young and lived my 20s like an old woman, standing in the kitchen making sure it was all perfect.

It killed me inside. I would have been a far better mother if I’d had my own life.

Some kids are like that.

I think it's important you and your DH work together to help your DS handle you being out. Uts really important that DH helps your son with this, and works with him to be more positive about your evenings out.

Things like

1. Mums and dads have friends and interests that mean they go out regularly. This is healthy and fun. It's just as important as when you get to spend time with your friends/at activities
2. It's normal to be sad I'm not here and to miss me. It's OK to talk to dad about that.
3. It's nice to give me a hug when I leave, say that you miss me but you hope I have fun.
4. It's not nice to tell me I can't go out. That makes me feel guilty about doing fun things for myself, and that's not fair. We want nice things for the people we love.
5. Depending on his emotional maturity, you can start to explore things like... it's OK to feel the feelings, but they are your feelings. It's not OK to make other people feel bad or to make demands that plans are changed just because it makes you have sad feelings. Feeling all sorts of feelings like sadness, annoyance, are very normal parts of life.

Have you watched Inside Out together - that's a good movie for looking at the complexities of feelings and how you can feel multiple things at the same time (happy for mum that she's having a nice evening with friends and sad for yourself because you will miss her).

Good luck!

The child is with his dad! Do children need both parents at home all all times (apart from once every 6 weeks) or is it not also an important part of being a good father?

How would your children be damaged by you going out- especially if they didn’t know you were gone?

When mine are in periods of transition such as new class, house move etc I stay home of an evening because they are emotionally fragile and need me/I want to be with them.
in normal life, I don’t think twice about it.

@Wonderinglike

what would happen if you stayed out past 11pm?? Would you turn into a pumpkin?? Live a little , OP!

When my DD was your son's age I had a job that meant I was out of the house after tea once or twice a week, she didn't like it at first but quickly remembered she had Daddy wrapped around her finger so got later bedtimes (only slightly later, he's not that much of a pushover 😆) and realised Dadddy was much better at bedtime storytelling. I think there's always a period of adjustment when a young child's life changes (even slightly) but he should get used to the idea that Mum has a life outside caring for him.

It's a really strange post. Don't you know other people with young children who go out in the evenings? I do an activity once a week with a woman who has a three year old -- she also socialises in the evenings on other days, and we're going on a weekend away next month with the other people we do the activity with. Her child will be with his dad.

Are you going out in the evening? My 4yr old is in bed by 1930, so it’s not like they’re missing out on seeing me!! I could probably go out every night and they’d be none the wiser. Not sure my husband would be too happy about it!!

@Wishingitwaswinter

i totally agree. Once every six weeks would be more appropriate. And the gym can wait until your child is much older too. It’s all part and parcel of being a good mother- your child comes first.

Due to our lifestyle we have a nanny and are often out 1-3 nights a week. But of course I was told on here that I am unreasonable. These are mostly for work events too. Mumsnet eh! 🤣

I have friends who are cabin crew who are away 2-4 nights per week but then get several days off in a row at home with their children.

It’s totally normal for a 6yo to be a bit clingy and act up or get upset when one parent leaves - ignore anyone telling you to tell him to shut up or any other equally horrible replies here.

And it’s still absolutely fine to take time to yourself. He’s safe and cared for with his dad and you’re setting the expectation of what family life looks like that he will carry into adulthood and future relationships.

Absolutely this. I see this on here quite a bit the kid doesn't want to do something or go somewhere so it doesn't happen.
Boggles my mind that some parents have it arse about face. I don't mean kids shouldn't have a say but the final decision is not theirs to make.

Oh don’t be so ridiculous.

I am more than a mother.

My 7yr old is in bed by 7.30pm, what time is your 6yr old going to bed? I can’t imagine you go out much earlier than 6pm so really it’s, what, an hour without you?

oh come off it.

You know, when I had my first child, 23 years ago, that’s how I felt too. And it really didn’t do me, or my child, any favours. I was a complete martyr to motherhood. It ended up making me miserable.

I

Do fathers have to give up a regular social life or just mothers?

Once a week every week when you have a little child, that's too much.
We choose to be mothers and this is one of the freedoms we sacrifice. I'm not saying bwver go out for every week is excessive. I never had a nught without my son for the first 10 years

I don’t have the same opportunity because my kids are SEN - would love this, make the most of it :)

If you have the time then take it with both hands while you can!

Awk just go out.

See this hand-wringing. Go out and enjoy yourself, your child needs to see that you’re a real human being and your sole existence in life is not to pander to them. You’ll be doing the child the world of good, and this will be reflected in the choices he makes as an adult. Remember, you’re raising someone’s husband and dad here too.