My husband never buys me a birthday or Christmas gift

No lovely , it’s not normal not normal at all

@LucyLoo1972 if you are the poster I think you are - who had a breakdown around a PhD - you need to stop repeatedly posting about the same issues and get some proper professional help with your issues.

Just find some inner strength/balls and walk away from this miserable existence, live a peaceful and nourishing life…. You can do this if you really want to…

I’ve read your other threads. With respect, why do stay with this shit of a man. He just makes you so unhappy.

It’s honestly becoming a daily theme here, why are you putting up with shite husbands?

I was in a relationship with a bloke about 10 years ago who was like this. One of the many reasons he is now my ex. In the 4 and a half years we were together,he never bought me one Christmas or birthday present. He only gave me one birthday card in all that time, saying 'Happy 50th birthday'. I was 49. I never really worked out what his issue was. For the first 2 years we were together,I bought him Christmas and birthday presents. By the third year I thought,why bother? So I didn't get anything for his birthday. On the day when he realised that no present was forthcoming he said 'Well where's my birthday present then?' I was speechless.

This is crazy.

I’ve read a few of your other threads and you need to let go of this “dream fairytale life” you thought you supposedly had and make plans to leave. It’s been said on your other threads and no doubt it will be said on any future threads. Your husband is not a nice person.

In that case, time to start planning to go. He's a gas lighting, coercive, controlling, abusive cock. A wild guess but tell us how he sabotaged all the amazing chances you had and you ended up believing it was your fault.

Sounds like neurodivergent is a pretentious word for selfish prick.

I'd say closer to 90k than 70k!
I'm not sure you're going to like my answer but you did ask?! I mean no malice in this, but your posts always stand out because no matter what the subject matter you state how clever you are but not spending £600 ruined your life. Truly, that must have been awful, but I honestly fail to see that it is responsible for everything and needs saying repeatedly.
I and many other users here have things that have been traumatic and shaped them but repeating them and almost asking posters to psycho analyse your situation isn't healthy.
You repeatedly ask if your husband is abusive etc, your told over and over again the same opinions and advice then ask the posters why they think that.
I honestly hope you get the help and support you so obviously need and start to live your life for you.
It's not too late, if everything you say is indeed real please take back your life and your academia. You've punished yourself enough living like this for 9 years.

So you are spending your own, very limited money on buying gifts for your husband's family?

You need to stop this immediiately.

You sound very unwell and defeated. Your mental health would probably massively improve if you were able to get away from your husband.

Can you speak to your GP and ask to be signposted to organisations that could help you leave your husband?

I've been with DH for 35 years and in the beginning we did all the big gift buying occasions. Once the DC's came along we calmed it down and spent more on them but always had a few gifts for birthdays and Christmas to open in front of them. Now when we probably have the most disposable income we don't buy each other anything - we buy what we want during the year so don't see the point of buying 'stuff' for the sake of it. we'd rather have a night away but that was all decided between us and we're both happy with our set up so I think it can be normal not to buy gifts but only if it's something you're both happy about.

From reading your updates OP, it sounds like the lack of gifts is the least of your problems. Do you feel loved and safe in this relationship? If your husband's behaviour towards you caused you to have a breakdown, do you think it's healthy to stay with him? Do you think your mental health would improve if you weren't with him?

Well aside from the fact this present buying thing seems a very minor part of a very bad situation, no it’s not unusual, though it may be uncommon, for couples not to buy gifts for each other, though I think that’s usually because they have children and decide the (maybe limited) budget should go on them instead.
He isn’t going to start buying you gifts. So, while again I think this is not the issue you should be concentrating on, I’d stop buying any gifts yourself. He has no comeback if it’s his family.

There are absolutely couples who choose not to buy for each other, I know quite a few, but that is usually a mutual agreement so that everyone is on the same page.

It’s normal for DH and I, we haven’t bought presents for years.

but that’s by mutual agreement. neither of us really care about ‘stuff’.

you sound like you are in a very bad situation. I hope things get better.

It is not normal at all, don't let him gaslight you.