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AIBU?

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Original poster

My husband never buys me a birthday or Christmas gift

66 replies

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 03:15

Im really hurt that my DH never bothers to buy me a Christmas gift when I buy all the presents for everyone in his family and spend a lot of time doing so.

He doesnt bother buying me a birthday present or card either and doesnt take me out for my birthday. this isnt the biggest problem in our marriage by a long stretch but it does hurt me.

do you all have partners that buy you gifts or not?

AIBU to be hurt and upset

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Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 21/01/2026 16:01

MrsSmiff · 21/01/2026 01:43

Follow BevTalks on Instagram and all will become clear. Then ditch him quickly.
You’re dealing with a narcissist.

its hard becasue in so many ways hes kind. sometimes I think it is me that is the narcissist wanting gifts and attention and praise

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Thisbastardcomputer · 21/01/2026 07:06

I don’t get presents, but l treat him the same, l buy myself presents

MrsSmiff · 21/01/2026 01:43

Follow BevTalks on Instagram and all will become clear. Then ditch him quickly.
You’re dealing with a narcissist.

Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 21/01/2026 01:05

mumofsevenfluffs · 20/01/2026 22:12

Match his energy and don’t buy anything for it from him. He won’t learn otherwise

I did begin to do that after a couple of years

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Mumof1andacat · 21/01/2026 00:02

So he never bought you a gift and you never said anything? Me and my husband buy gifts and we did when we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 23:59

Rosealea · 20/01/2026 22:13

Neither does mine which is absolutely fine. I'd rather have the wee tokens he gets me every now and then than getting me things because he has to at Christmas and birthdays. Besides, I'm a grown up so there's zero need.

maybe I took it ot heart too much becasue I wanted signs of affection too much

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Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 22:14

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 21:11

Thank you for your helpful hinest post.

clearly not spending that money was only one tiny factor in the whole thing. There are so many conplex threads to it all. So so many. The wholes story is insane.

I think I hold on to being clever because that’s where I got all my worth from. Sad thing is the best thing about me was that I was kind and lovely and gentle not clever.

I think I’m in disbelief about the whole thing

psychosis is the strangest thing the way it tells you things that aren’t true

Show quote history

it is like im punishing myself. my internal state is terrifying and the psyhcolgsits cant make sense of why I began too ave delusions that I am a horrific evil perosn

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Rosealea · 20/01/2026 22:13

Neither does mine which is absolutely fine. I'd rather have the wee tokens he gets me every now and then than getting me things because he has to at Christmas and birthdays. Besides, I'm a grown up so there's zero need.

Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 22:13

Nannylovesshopping · 20/01/2026 19:45

Just find some inner strength/balls and walk away from this miserable existence, live a peaceful and nourishing life…. You can do this if you really want to…

ive alwasy had extreme inner straight and was pretty fearless about so many things. fro example I just went off and set up life in France for a while o my own, I would travel the world on my own and never fret, even the PhD I did was brave becasue it was calling out bad shit in the religious community I was part of for 25 years. that was the immediate trigger for my breakdwon.

im confused about this though. if I had my work and my friends and my old life and the old me who could read a book or a poem without getting terrifying thoughts and delusions I could be ok.

I have no fear of setting up a home or looking after it or myself or anythign like that its all internal terror. I dod everythign here for us in any case.

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mumofsevenfluffs · 20/01/2026 22:12

Match his energy and don’t buy anything for it from him. He won’t learn otherwise

Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 22:09

Applecup · 20/01/2026 19:16

I’ve read your other threads. With respect, why do stay with this shit of a man. He just makes you so unhappy.

I thought he made me so very happy. I was alwasy laughing with him every day. he never shouted at me or berated me. we were best friends and could talk for hours and hours and hours.

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Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 22:08

harriethoyle · 20/01/2026 21:26

It’s obviously not sufficient help by the content of your increasingly repetitious posting on here. Please ask them what other avenues of support are available and please access them, for your own good.

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can you think what may help as im out of any ideas. ive tried very single thing I can

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Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 22:07

somanychristmaslights · 20/01/2026 21:38

So he earns £90k plus? Is that why you’re still with him? Why don’t you leave?

the reason for leaving are very complex. I have no family, no work and have disabilities now alongside my mental health. it is an abusive situation now for sure even if it wasn't before.

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Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 22:06

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 22:04

no he earms 70 K and its not why I am with him. im not a gold digger becasue he made me live with so little. if I was materialistic this would all have come to a head a long time ago. it was only when I needed money for essential things to avoid untold stress that I even thought about the money issues. I just didnt see it for whatever reasons I do not comprehend in any way. its liek I just oculndt see it.

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I do have no income now but I would be better off financially if we split. id have half of our assets which is a paid off house and our savings. its possible I would be able to claim spousal maintenance of some form also but I need to check iwth the Womens Aid people about that.

none of this is aobut me wanting money - I was living with a very low level lifestyle considering the money we had

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Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 22:04

somanychristmaslights · 20/01/2026 21:38

So he earns £90k plus? Is that why you’re still with him? Why don’t you leave?

no he earms 70 K and its not why I am with him. im not a gold digger becasue he made me live with so little. if I was materialistic this would all have come to a head a long time ago. it was only when I needed money for essential things to avoid untold stress that I even thought about the money issues. I just didnt see it for whatever reasons I do not comprehend in any way. its liek I just oculndt see it.

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Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 22:02

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 20/01/2026 18:18

In that case, time to start planning to go. He's a gas lighting, coercive, controlling, abusive cock. A wild guess but tell us how he sabotaged all the amazing chances you had and you ended up believing it was your fault.

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sorry - I dint understand what you mean by the last bit about the wild guess?

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somanychristmaslights · 20/01/2026 21:38

So he earns £90k plus? Is that why you’re still with him? Why don’t you leave?

Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 21:33

harriethoyle · 20/01/2026 21:26

It’s obviously not sufficient help by the content of your increasingly repetitious posting on here. Please ask them what other avenues of support are available and please access them, for your own good.

Show quote history

I don’t know what else to look into to seek help. I do nothing all day when my life was so so full before. I didn’t have time to ask about anything I was too busy living such a full life and doing some good and rewarding things with my husband tii and caring for him and loving him

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Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 21:31

gamerchick · 20/01/2026 21:18

Who has also told you that you would probably do better without your husband.

People keep saying the same thing to you repeatedly. I'm not sure what else you want us to say.

Your husband is a prick. You need to leave him.

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Yes he does say that. My psycho fist doesn’t know him and sometimes think it must be me in the wrong

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Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 21:30

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 21:11

Thank you for your helpful hinest post.

clearly not spending that money was only one tiny factor in the whole thing. There are so many conplex threads to it all. So so many. The wholes story is insane.

I think I hold on to being clever because that’s where I got all my worth from. Sad thing is the best thing about me was that I was kind and lovely and gentle not clever.

I think I’m in disbelief about the whole thing

psychosis is the strangest thing the way it tells you things that aren’t true

Show quote history

It’s my childhood that was the most traumatic thing and was very bad. But what has happened noe since my breakdown is a million times wirse

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harriethoyle · 20/01/2026 21:26

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 21:13

I do have professional help. I see a psychologist every week who tries to help me.

Show quote history

It’s obviously not sufficient help by the content of your increasingly repetitious posting on here. Please ask them what other avenues of support are available and please access them, for your own good.

gamerchick · 20/01/2026 21:18

LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 21:13

I do have professional help. I see a psychologist every week who tries to help me.

Show quote history

Who has also told you that you would probably do better without your husband.

People keep saying the same thing to you repeatedly. I'm not sure what else you want us to say.

Your husband is a prick. You need to leave him.

Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 21:13

harriethoyle · 20/01/2026 20:22

@LucyLoo1972 if you are the poster I think you are - who had a breakdown around a PhD - you need to stop repeatedly posting about the same issues and get some proper professional help with your issues.

I do have professional help. I see a psychologist every week who tries to help me.

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Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 21:12

Draytoncb · 20/01/2026 18:08

Sounds like neurodivergent is a pretentious word for selfish prick.

Maybe. I think neurodivergrnce is the kindest explanation

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Original poster
LucyLoo1972 · 20/01/2026 21:11

mummydoris2006 · 20/01/2026 14:15

I'd say closer to 90k than 70k!
I'm not sure you're going to like my answer but you did ask?! I mean no malice in this, but your posts always stand out because no matter what the subject matter you state how clever you are but not spending £600 ruined your life. Truly, that must have been awful, but I honestly fail to see that it is responsible for everything and needs saying repeatedly.
I and many other users here have things that have been traumatic and shaped them but repeating them and almost asking posters to psycho analyse your situation isn't healthy.
You repeatedly ask if your husband is abusive etc, your told over and over again the same opinions and advice then ask the posters why they think that.
I honestly hope you get the help and support you so obviously need and start to live your life for you.
It's not too late, if everything you say is indeed real please take back your life and your academia. You've punished yourself enough living like this for 9 years.

Show quote history

Thank you for your helpful hinest post.

clearly not spending that money was only one tiny factor in the whole thing. There are so many conplex threads to it all. So so many. The wholes story is insane.

I think I hold on to being clever because that’s where I got all my worth from. Sad thing is the best thing about me was that I was kind and lovely and gentle not clever.

I think I’m in disbelief about the whole thing

psychosis is the strangest thing the way it tells you things that aren’t true

OP posts: