Will I be able expected to DTD?

If l thought the relationship was going places l would certainly want to have sex by this stage. If l was going away with someone l certainly wouldn’t want separate rooms. It’s not a Sunday School outing.

But, the first time l have sex with someone l would not want to spend the night with them. The whole bathroom thing the next morning etc is another level. I like to return to my own bed and my own thoughts afterwards.

But if you don’t want to go away with him at this stage, or ever, tell him now before a booking costs money.

Talk to him and tell him you have problems sleeping. I am similar, and really struggle sleeping with anyone in my bed. A few years ago, I started seeing a guy who wanted us to spend a night away together pretty early on, I told him my worry about not being able to sleep. Turns out he was also didn't sleep terribly well. We ended up watching old movies and dozing together. (Not to mention having sex). It was great. Lots of chatting too. Alternatively, and if you do want to go away with him, ask for separate rooms with an adjoining door or if he's flush, a suite. If the worst comes to the worst, most nice hotels have a sofa in the room too. You can also delegate him to that.

Seriously though, ig you're considering dating a guy and having sex with him, you can talk to him about this stuff. If you feel you can't, then maybe you need to end things and move on to someone else.

My first thought also. Too much too soon.

If you were happy with the thought, you wouldn’t be posting.

I did not agree to go away for a weekend with now DH until I'd been dating him for 14 weeks. I had sex with him before that though.

Even if you are attracted to him, stop letting him pay for everything.

I'm with those people who think if you had any chemistry, after 4 dates you'd be at least sort of up for it or even excited about sex.

@Paladinski - @tachetastic flags a very good point. These much younger men you have dated have been bad for you. It sounds like you have a bit of a habit of choosing the wrong men to date. Unfortunately, dysfunctional relationships with abusive partners can create particularly intense chemistry and particularly strong highs and lows because everything is so extreme. It is unhealthy but can be mistaken for excitement and passion. A relationship which is steady, mutually supportive and mutually confidence-building probably can feel a lot quieter and perhaps even a bit boring when you're used to the drama of dysfunctional relationships. Robin Norwood's "Women Who Love Too Much" is very good on this and on how to value functional men who treat you well (the title is a bit misleading really but the contents are very useful).

As a separate point (and i have already posted on this), it seems too early for you to go away given that you haven't had sex yet because you've got nowhere to go if the sex doesn't go well and/or if you get there and you just aren't getting on very well. And even if you were already sleeping together, for many people, it would still be a bit soon to go away overnight. My now DH and I (together 25+ years) did go away after less than a month of dating but we had known each other for a while before we got together and, anyway, I was happy to make the trip. The mere fact you're uncertain is enough reason not to go.

@Paladinski So after a string of men 10-20 years younger than you that you say have abused you and destroyed your confidence, you are dating a man 5 years younger than you who treats you well and seems to be very respectful.

You say you don't fancy him because he is so old. I wonder if you don't fancy him because he's so nice.

In any case, as pp has said, if you don't fancy the man stop letting him put his hand in his pocket and pay for everything. He is clearly smitten with you (his own words) and it is unfair not to be honest with him.

If you’re not attracted to this man stop letting him pay for everything otherwise that’s just grabby.

If you don't fancy him, stop dating him.

You don't have to fancy someone just because they're nice to you, you know. You can't force yourself to find him sexy. If you don't, you don't.

I wouldn't let him pay for everything. It creates an imbalance and a sense of obligation. Also, I wouldn't go away with someone I had met online and only had four dates with. It is too much too soon.

I’d imagine he’s suggesting it in the hope it would lead to this, yes. He probably doesn’t have the courage to ask you back to his after a date or to ask if he can come into yours so he thinks this is a way to do it. If you’re not comfortable then suggest separate rooms, you can always use the insomnia as a reason.

I always thought OLD was online dating for the elderly :-).

No way would I consider going away with someone after meeting just 4 times that’s insane.

do the deed … it’s Shakespearean for sex

What is DTD? Do the dick?! Dog the dog? The mind boggles.

She's in her late 50s and past partners have been in their late 30s and 40s. The gross rationale you've described isn't relevant here.

If a man didn’t fancy me at 39 enough to want to have sex with me because he’s too used to shagging 19-year-olds, I’d be revolted. Nobody stood be expected to put out after 4/5/6/any set number of dates, but your rationale is gross.

I think 4 dates is way too soon to suggest going away together. You’ll likely be somewhere without independent transport or a separate place to go if things don’t work out. You really don’t know him at all and anyone can’t put up a pleasant front for 4 days.

personally I wouldn’t consider going away for a few months. Have sex in a safe place first. His house where you can leave when you want and can safely back out would be better. Then when you do go away you can be confident he’s a nice man and feel comfortable with sex.

It doesn't sound like you even fancy him, to be honest, and are just persevering because you think you need a boyfriend and he seems like a decent enough candidate for the role.

It isn't fair on either of you. Let it go.

If you book and pay for the hotel, you can get two rooms

It definitely could be to do with age if she's usually attracted to significantly younger men.

I don't think there's anything wrong, OP, four dates in seems quite soon for a night away together. Do you find him attractive? Based on what you've written, he sounds like a nice person, but that may not be enough.

Your first sex date should be somewhere you are comfortable I think.

Nothing wrong with not wanting sex yet, but it is pretty obvious he does.

If you want you could certainly tell him you're not keen on sex yet, but it's inevitable it will head that way soon assuming there's no reason you have not mentioned to suggest otherwise.

If you don't want sex with him and he does want sex, maybe just let him go and find someone more compatible.