People who don’t ask questions

The sad thing is that there are posters proud of being rude. And, yes, just talking about yourself and not involving other person is rude, no matter what the conditions you say you have that in your opinion excuse this.

Simply broadcasting at people, and trumpeting that the other person is uninteresting - well, great. You leave the other person feeling cross, or totally unseen, whilst you sail away on your superior cloud of “This is me!”

I totally and utterly disagree. I spend my life talking to clients and pretty much everyone is interesting and complex. So in your friendships you just talk about yourself? You don’t ask friends or people you talk to about their lives?

Why is it narrow?

Most people aren’t all that interesting, let’s be honest 😂

My mother made a conscious effort to teach us social skills. She pointed out to us as primary aged kids when people just talked about themselves and taught us how to have a proper conversation. She is still literally the most popular person I know. When she retired they had to book a hall and it was packed. She has actual friends my age.

What a narrow way to live

So when you talk to someone you broadcast at them then leave! Without asking them how they are or anything about their own lives! Wow. Do you have any friends?!

I think im like this and it’s because I don’t care what the answer will be tbh. Seems a waste of time to ask questions with the answers having no impact on my life.

No, it’s not. It’s how conversation works! It’s how you show interest in another person!

I don’t mean you have to ask who you vote for or how much you earn, but there are thousands of acceptable non-intrusive questions you can ask to find out more about someone…

most dates I’ve been on in last couple years I haven’t wanted a second as the man asked me no questions

That's different - it's a business relationship. I don't like to chat in those circumstances either.

I have worked with people like this is like they are not interested in you or your life.

Different groups have very different dynamics I suppose. Sometimes people will be happy with those dynamics and sometimes people will be left feeling deflated or exhausted by them. I suppose the reason why the group exists will partly determine the dynamic and you won't always know how other people feel - even when people are ostensibly there by choice. I certainly have groups where I know certain members feel unseen and unheard and thoroughly resentful of other members who remain totally oblivious.

I've been in a couple of group situations since reading this thread and I've been observing. Questions actually don't seem to be the primary form of conversation starting. About 70-80% of the time, people are going back and forth sharing experiences, anecdotes or opinions related to what somebody else has just said. Some of this involved questions, but a fair bit involved people just sharing their own experience/opinion.

Some conversations started by a person having a thought and remembering something they wanted to share with the group and spontaneously beginning to talk about that topic, usually when there was a natural lull in conversation.

I would say that questions came up typically either when there was a lull in conversation and nobody did the spontaneous sharing thing, or shortly after someone joined the table, ie rather than a more generic "How are you?" it would be "How was your trip?" The questions mainly related to things which had obviously previously been discussed or anticipated, even if I hadn't been present for the earlier conversation it was completely clear that was what the context was.

Do you remember what the episode was called? I'd really like to listen to it! I've read a lot about the mechanics of conversation and "emotion work" and you're right that it does fall more to women - there's loads of research on it. Although I have plenty of females in my life who are similar to your FIL (I've ditched most of the men - they were worse in most cases!).

But the person who commented was quoting a poster who was describing someone who talked for half an hour about herself without asking the PP anything. Which is more or less exactly the same situation the OP described albeit of shorter duration. And the comment they made specifically references people who "never ask questions". If you've moved on to something else that's one thing but most of us haven't and are still discussing the same topic as was originally brought up.

The thread has moved on a lot in the 6 pages since the OP.

I think I read that it's called consecutive monologuing - I do know a few people who communicate like this and if it works for them when they're together then fair enough.

But the point is that they didn't for the person in the example commented on nor the people we're discussing in this thread - even when people are feeding them information to make it easy for them.

Yes, this

I agree - and often wondered how people who never ask questions get on when they meet others who don't. Is it just a series of self-statements

No. Questions come up naturally as part of the conversation, they're just not the opening gambit.

Sometimes when i am at the hairdresser for a quick trim i do not like the prying questions like
Do you have children, where do you work, where do you live, are you married?
Nosey questions
I prefer to sit in peace

I agree - and often wondered how people who never ask questions get on when they meet others who don't. Is it just a series of self-statements?
I get so fed up showing an interest in others when it's not reciprocated. Even when you practically feed them information they could ask you!

Im amazed people have such narrow scopes of interest, i find loads of things and people interesting

But then that carries its own set of unspoken assumptions about what people find considerate too, does it not? I'm ND and I wouldn't find this any easy conversation style to work with at all and of all the ND people I know personally, I only know one who would respond well to this. I could do a good job of pretending to be comfortable with it as I"m a good masker but inside I'd be screaming! If it works with your friends though then that's great in those contexts!

Yes, but kind of the other way round....

"Small talk questions often carry unspoken assumptions about what's normal. To be thoughtful and courteous I'll start by sharing something about me, so the person both knows this is a safe topic for me which they can join in with and also is not being asked to share anything that is not a safe topic for them."