People who don’t ask questions

I think I agree with this. If I was the person B I think I'd learn not to share much with person A because they aren't interested and what's the point in sharing stuff with a person that behaves like they aren't interested? Maybe I wouldn't write B off as a bad person but it would change how I behaved around them.

I’ve noticed a few threads here recently by people I’d probably describe as introverts or just lacking in social skills getting annoyed about people asking them questions, phoning or visiting them without prior arrangement or (shock horror) talking and being positive in meetings.

I agree with your OP and to be honest, if people feel that way, there’s really not much can be done to help them - they seem to think they are the “normal” ones here. They are also destined to be grumpy forever 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is a textbook conversation style IMO, where you are both giving each other space to talk about whatever you want to talk about. For instance:

Person B -Hi! So good to see you. I’m fine, bit knackered, have had a shit week at work.

Person A - Oh no! What’s been going on?

If person A had kept silent at that point and was disengaged, it would make person B think that they may not be interested in hearing about your shit week at work and they may feel self conscious continuing to talk about it something the other person is obviously not interested in hearing about.

If person A had started talking about themselves after being told their friend had a shit week at work, then sorry but you are a bad friend.

I'm interested to know how you would have responded to Person B in that scenario @jamandcustard ?

So you don't think questions, or prompts, are what continues a conversation? and you would never ask a question when you meet someone, you would just immediately start talking about yourself.

I'd be interested to know what your version of a 'conversation' looks like, because what you describe makes it sound like you all just talk turns to talk about yourselves?

Yes agreed. If person B’s shit work week had involved her being summoned to HR the conversation might have focused on that for a while, or if person A’s date had been particularly odd or dramatic they may have stayed on that subject. But even if they’d stayed on one person’s topic there still would have been active listening/prompting/questions from the other.

That's the kind of conversation I'd expect. Obviously exceptions like if friend A had something massive to share and had asked if B wanted to talk about it. I think some conversations being more about one person is fine as long as their is balance when the other has something massive rather than one always being the offloading one.

Not weird at all

I disagree

Really? Genuinely interested, what’s weird about it (other than I’ve just quickly made it up and it’s not going to win any literary awards!)

See, to me that just reads like such a weird way to have a conversation 🙈

This. People are making it sound as though we’re talking about cross-examining people with a list of random and invasive questions rather than it being a natural back and forth expressing interest in each other’s lives.

Heres what I mean:

Person A - Hi! How are you?

Person B -Hi! So good to see you. I’m fine, bit knackered, have had a shit week at work.

Person A - Oh no! What’s been going on?

Person B - My boss is being an arse, I’ve got a big deadline looming, it’s just been tiring. How are you, did you go on that date?

Person A - You poor thing, I’m so sorry. Yes I did go on the date! It was great, he seems nice and there was a lot of chemistry.

Person B - Awesome, are you going to see him again then?

Etc etc.

It’s quite arrogant to assume you know more about my friendships than I do, don’t you think?

Of course questions come up occasionally but they’re not how we start or continue conversations.

why would you be asking loads of personal questions?

If someone mentions something, would you not think of anything to ask them about it while you're both talking?

If you don't say anything, it's just them talking and you listening surely.. that's not a conversation.

If I’m out with friends or family we just naturally share what we’ve been up to and what our plans are - none of us really seem to need to be asked questions in order for the conversation to move on.

That is exactly as it should work, but I find it extremely hard to believe that people within your family/friends ask zero questions, it most likely just happens as part of the natural conversation flow and you don't notice it, a conversation can only happen if people are interacting with it, other wise it's just one person talking and the others listening, it's highly unlikely that is what is actually happening in your case.

You all sound like you give each other space to talk and show an interest in each other so I'm not sure you've ever experienced what the OP and many people on here are referring to, which is people that like to talk about themselves, their family, their job, and will talk at length, but show no interest in anyone else, and as soon as the conversation moves away from them they will disengage unless you specifically bring them back in somehow. It's easier to deal with in a group, but one on one it's infuriating.

It's no surprise you don't have a clue what OP is talking about if you've never experienced someone like it, but pay attention next time you are with your friends and family and you will notice that asking questions is part of the natural flow of conversation.

We went to see 'x' band last week.
Oh how was it, I've always wanted to go and see them etc
They were great.. etc etc etc

I find this really difficult. I know is how conversation flows, but it feels nosy to be asking loads of personal questions.

I don't know where that comes from, but its almost like i dont feel important enough to be asking this stuff, and if they want me to know they'll tell me.

I ask those things because I know it’s expected of me but most of the time I’m not actually interested in the answer. Let’s be honest, most jobs are pretty dull to an outsider and most people aren’t all that interested in what other people’s children are doing at school or in their music lessons.

If I’m out with friends or family we just naturally share what we’ve been up to and what our plans are - none of us really seem to need to be asked questions in order for the conversation to move on. But I would also say many of us are ND in some way so we’re probably not the best example.

I have no idea because I’ve never met anyone who is genuinely like that.

I didn't mention questions, I mean how does a person who cannot go beyond the one sided approach (just talking about themselves) and not showing interest in others (by whatever means, questions, active listening etc.) keep people around to fulfill their social needs?

But they are important to the person you are talking to. Do you not consider it polite to ask someone how their kids are doing, or how their job is going? And do you not ask about other things that you DO find interesting?

This thread has been an absolute eye-opener for me. I thought it was considered basic manners to show interest in the person you are talking to, and the height of rudeness to sit and talk only about yourself, but obviously that is not a universally accepted view.

It’s very normal for autistic people to bond via shared anecdotes or stories rather than by asking questions.

You’re assuming that questions are the only way to avoid a one sided conversation and that’s simply not true. Not everyone bonds in the same way that you do.

How sustainable is the one sided approach?Seems to me that most people will tire of that sort of thing, even find it rude. If you're a person who doesn't take much interest in others but still have a need for others company how can you keep fulfilling the need? Would you just have to keep moving on to new people?

Currently trying to coax autistic child to do this as if someone asks how they are there’s no follow up question from her, she has very low self esteem, and she really struggles to make friends. I keep telling her. People love to talk about themselves, even a simple question or comment of something nice about them makes them feel you are interested in them

And people who ask a lot of questions often come across as rude to us. It’s just a different view of the world, that’s all.

Of course we talk about our lives - I just tend to think that people’s jobs, children etc. aren’t the most interesting thing about them 🤷‍♀️