People who don’t ask questions

YANBU. I think at least half the people I interact with are like this and I find it really rude.

I can accept the argument that people don’t want to pry so maybe they feel they can’t initiate a topic, but once someone has started talking about their job/kids/holiday etc why on earth wouldn’t you ask follow-up questions? It makes it really difficult to have a conversation with these people!

Even worse are the people who are apparently only able to interact by sharing anecdotes about themselves. I work with a man like this. Literally any conversation topic is sidetracked by him making it about himself. You could say “I had an operation last week and nearly died” and he’d share a story about a time a GP made a mistake with his prescription. He is completely incapable of showing interest in anyone else’s life!

It is, but it's not rude to make small talk.

I do think families differ in terms of what they consider overly personal. I know someone who'll cheerfully ask her mum how she's recovering from a hernia op over the dinner table; I know someone else who would never discuss her job with her siblings because it's her personal business.

But most people can find something innocuous to talk about/ask about, can't they? Even if it's just a general 'so how was your Christmas' or whatever.

It’s literally not taking an interest in other people at all , I find it so odd . Years ago my ds had got back from 3 months in America , he had done so much and seen so much , he went to visit his grandad a bit after , he asked no questions about his trip , not one just talked about an issue with his paving slabs !

My ex's family are like this (minus the thoughtful guest bit). I remember initially finding it incredibly uncomfortable - you'd try to make small talk and they'd sit silently, staring into space. If you asked a polite 'so, how are you today, SIL?' she would tell you, but it wouldn't occur to her to ask you, or ask you in return afterwards.

I came to realise it was partly to do with having very isolated lives - they didn't have much sense that there were things going on in other people's lives, so it didn't really occur to them to ask. My MIL, FIL and BIL would all struggle to reply if you asked them very much at all. My SIL would reply at length, but it would be absolutely mind-numbing (repeating exactly what she'd done at work that morning, down to whether she'd ordered more paper clips or turned down the thermostat in the office because it was hot).

I absolutely think it's to do with learning how to have a polite conversation. I watched my other SIL with her son (who was the only child in the family when I first knew them), and he was totally excluded from all adult conversation - he'd be allowed or encouraged to wear his headphones and play on his switch, and if it was something like Christmas and we were exchanging presents, he'd do his and his mum would say his thanks for him. So he wasn't learning how to talk to people. I think this is also what happened with the rest of the family.

I personally find it rude. What’s the point of spending time together if you have no interest in your host or guest? Bizarre. But I have relatives like this for sure. In huge family get together, the first for 20 years, some sat at the end of the room scrolling on their phones. Others made new connections, resurrected old ones, made new plans. But some made no effort at all because “prying” would be rude. Boring farts.

I once read something that said this was a class thing and that it can be seen as prying to ask questions rather than just letting people share things when they choose to, made me think differently about this issue when it arises

We met up with my DH’s aunt, who he hadn’t seen in something like 15 years. She did not ask us one question about our lives or backgrounds. Nothing. Total absence of curiosity. Aside from it being a social failing on their part, it shows how small their world is in my view.

It is rude to ask personal questions.