People who don’t ask questions

Yes, I'm exactly the same, down to not remembering any of the details of the everyday things. It's in one ear and out the other, though I'll feign fascination at the time. You tell me about an interesting idea or something cool you heard on a podcast though, and I'll remember it forever.

I am exactly the same. The monotony of other people's lives are exceptionally boring to me, however I am aware of the societal expectations to make small talk or fein an interest, so I do. I'll ask Aunty how her holiday was, ask cousin how her exams were, ask friend about how work is etc. I will listen, make all the right sounds, I'll even ask follow-up questions and make you feel like the only person in the world. It's funny because I've been told many times I'm easy to talk to and I'm so friendly and I can make friends very easily etc so I'm clearly doing it right.

But if you asked me to repeat what they said, I wouldn't know because I only keep brain power for the things that interest me. A couple of times that has lead to an embarrassing moment where someone has said "Don't you remember I told you about x" ...and of course I didn't remember.

Once I've done the initial chat, that's when I start to ask the questions that interest me - about current affairs or podcast or TV show and we can have a real chat about a mutual interest which is actually interesting.

I actually prefer small talk now because it's just on the surface, and there's not too much expectation to strike up a full conversation, therefore I don't need to pay much attention.

I am the same, it's like my thought process freezes.
I much prefer when someone just chats away without asking questions
For example someone might tell me they were watching something good, and I might chat about it if I had seen it too, or talk about what Im watching, same with music, books, holidays etc
I find it a bit difficult to come up with questions that don't appear intrusive, and when I'm asked questions I find it a bit like being interviewed!
I much prefer natural flowing conversation, and am ok with comfortable silences

Because they're not interested probably. I think my relatives think I live in a box and only come out of it occasionally.

They do weird things like visit from hours away without telling me and expect me to be in, or phone for a chat at times when most people are out and about, then get narked that I couldn't chat.

As pp, they never ask me about me, just crap questions like 'Have you had a lot of rain?' or something.
Fair enough, I can reply 'Drizzly most days. Has it been bad where you are?' but I know that will be repeated many times as 'Crosta said it hadn't been raining there' in conversations with others. If someone asks them 'What does Crosta do for a living?' they will say something like 'She works in (name of city near where I am) in an office' because they have never bothered to ask me.
(My job title is one that doesn't sound all that interesting)

They aren't interested.
Simple as that.

@MarcColon , you don't have to chat with them. On my last project the team was 4 people. A, B, C and me.
I had to make an effort to not chat work with A and C, but if I asked B a question, I'd get 'Can you schedule a meeting for this?'.

Um yes, but it's a quick question and it does not need a meeting, and I don't want to book a slot hours away to ask a team colleague something.

Pulling teeth.

Op didn’t ask why they weren’t asking intrusive questions, she asked why they weren’t asking ANY questions or showing any interest in the lives of the family members they were staying with.

I've just started a new project and it's amazing how little energy these people bring to life.
And they are not even happy. There's only a couple that can structure a conversation properly

Me: Starter question
Them: Response with information
Me: Confirm a point and talk back about something related
Them: they expand or ask a question about my related thing.

It's like pulling teeth, I don't want to go back after lunch.

Personal questions (as in How much do you earn? Are you trying for a baby?) are rude.

Examples of people amd their terrible conservation skills just from today at work:

Colleague: Morning, how are you?
Me: Not too bad, a bit tired. You?
C: Me too.
Me: ...nearly the middle of the week! I'm hoping I'm less tired when these iron tablets kick in. Hopefully the rain will stop too!
C: Launches into a monologue about people I don't know and how long they took iron tablets for and then a rundown of their own health problems.

Colleague: Has DD passed her driving test yet?
Me: No not yet, she's been learning for..... (cut off by another colleague saying something to Colleague 1 completely unrelated)

In the contrary, it’s incredibly rude to talk about yourself the whole time and ask nothing about how the person you are with is doing.

If your family member likes cycling, for example, how do you carry out a conversation about it without any questions? Unless they just start randomly reciting facts about it apropos of nothing and with no interaction or prompting from you, in which case that's not a conversation, its a monologue!

For me, if I was the cyclist, I'd say "you can't believe what happened to me on my ride the other day... " or "I went on a stunning ride recently, it was near x place...", yes apropos of nothing. The listener would hopefully find this interesting and respond with their own story, idea or fact.

Rather than sitting there thinking "I'd love to say this interesting thing about cycling, I hope someone asks me".

"When I see my friends and family we talk about travel, hobbies, animals, food, films, music etc"

What are these topics if not "the minutiae of other people's lives?"
These are the exact things OP would presumably have been happy to discuss with her family!

I dont understand how you can have a conversation about any of these topics without someone at least posing an introductory question. How do you talk about yours or someone else's hobbies without asking them what they are?

If your family member likes cycling, for example, how do you carry out a conversation about it without any questions? Unless they just start randomly reciting facts about it apropos of nothing and with no interaction or prompting from you, in which case that's not a conversation, its a monologue!

But you're not putting it in context of the OP and what she is referring to.

Would you go and stay with someone, a relative, or even a friend, and tell them everything there is to know about yourself in length when asked, or unprompted.. but not ask them a single thing in return, or show any interest in what they are talking about?

And even when OP volunteers a piece of information, off the top of my head:

"I was thinking about doing race for life this year" you would just stare at them blankly forcing them to have to continue on unprompted (awkward) or just gave up under the assumption that even though they are a relative and are staying with you, they give absolutely zero fucks about you or your life or what you are doing (rude).

In OPs context it's a very selfish way to communicate IMO, I have a sibling like this and I know EXACTLY what OP is referring to, they will ask to come to see me for coffee and a chat, but apart from their basic "I'm fine" type answers, I have to be the one doing the heavy lifting of the conversation, and thinking what to ask them and what to say to keep any sort of conversation going while they sit there and talk in little more than one word answers, OR they talk at length about their life, and their job, and their hobbies etc while asking you nothing in return, it's very one sided.

I did a secret experiment not long ago and apart from the general how's things, which got the usual 'fine' I purposely didn't ask any questions, in the hope that they would pick up the slack (thinking maybe it's me and that I lead too much) but honest to god we just sat there in silence, she didn't say a word, she didn't volunteer anything or ask a single thing, after about 10 minutes she said she had to get going.. I found it excruciating to be honest, but it proved a point that some people are just shit at pulling their weight in conversations.

I completely understand your perspective about small talk, and passing chit chat, and no one actually caring, that applies to a lot of interactions (colleagues, people you see in passing, anyone you come into contact with who you don't know very well) but when a relative or friend makes a point of coming to see you for a chat and then shows zero interest in anything you are saying it's just bloody odd.

I prefer it when people just start with some interesting thing they've been doing, have read, place they've been etc. Then I can follow up with similar. No need for a load of questions.

This sums it up for me.

I do ask questions and it has to be a balence, but to me a fun conversation is when ideas, stories and opinions are flowing naturally.

My dp complains I don't ask enough questions, I think he asks too many and that his questions are pointless. If we are having dinner, he will often ask "how are your parents?, (when I haven't just come from seeing them - I may not have seen them or called them for a week or more). If something happened to my parents, I'd tell him that day or probably text him immediately. There's no need to politely ask. Whereas I'd love if he'd say "I was just reading an article on xyz, and I found out....."

I don’t ask questions if iam uninterested and I find small talk pointless and boring.
perhaps there the same.

My in laws are like this. Had a miscarriage or two, never asked. Got published, never asked. Had two children, only piped up when they were running around. Never you’ve got lovely kids. I’ve come to the opinion that they are
a) narcissists so only interested in themselves
b) passive aggressive
they cant even say “thank you” when you give them a couple of hundred pounds worth of stuff?!
c) jealous as all my achievements are annoying to them, despite no help
sil does not speak until spoken to and then never asks ONE question back, after 20 years!!!
There’s a reason I only see them once a year! Thank goodness I retreated 😅 suggest you do the same.
I now treat people how they treat me and it feels FANTASTIC!!

Has she decided that you're not worth knowing properly? Or maybe she feels that she already "owns" you in a sense, whereas if she talks about other people she can display that she's close to them, one of the in crowd.

I probably would talk about that if I thought of it and thought the other person was interested. But if someone talks for a bit about whatever they want then doesn’t ask me any questions then they are not interested. I could jump in with my story but it’s easier to tell when it’s apropos of something.

I don’t want to go back to the sort of conversation rules that existed in Jane Austin novels but it’s peculiar to sit in someone’s house and ask them nothing about their lives. I keep hearing about there being a loneliness epidemic, maybe this is part of it. It’s quite lonely to spend time with someone, have them talk but not show any interest back.

One thing I can’t fathom is when someone asks no questions and doesn’t listen to a thing about you, yet can relate anecdote after anecdote and the life and times of other people.

dsis knows nothing about us as it’s pointless trying to say anything, but she talks for hours in the greatest detail about all her in-laws, her dc, friends and neighbours. When we last met I rashly started to tell her something about ds and she picked up her phone and started scrolling through her photos.

If I already knew the person who turned up with their arm in a sling, I would ask them what happened. If they gave a short, vague answer or changed the subject, I wouldn't ask any more questions about their arm.

If it was more serious e.g. they'd had their arm amputated, I wouldn't ask about it, but might ask how they were. Their reply would probably make it obvious whether they wanted to talk about their arm or if they'd rather talk about anything else.

And asking them questions doesn’t always work either as lots of people will assume you’re only being polite and just respond in kind.

Honestly, I find it bizarre that some grown adults almost need prompt cards or cue cards to share their lives or to have a conversation - maybe I’m odd but if I want to talk to someone about something then I just do it, I don’t need permission.

oh my god. Are you serious?
"How is the new car going? Would you recommend?"
"I see your extension is finished. It looks really good - are you happy with it?"

I suppose there are people who are just not interested in others and will turn everything back to themselves. I am actively trying to avoid these types as I find them exhausting and stressful to be with.
And then maybe the quiet types who won’t say anything anyway.