People who don’t ask questions

Quite. There seems to be a bit of a theme whereby anyone who doesn't conform is rude, or odd, or deliberately rejecting people/being unkind.

Why does everyone have to fit into your ideals? Maybe they’re quiet and just don’t want to ask lots of intrusive questions or be talked at all the time.

If you're forced to have conversations for some reason (lots of people have to have conversations for work reasons) you get better at it. I think it's largely a matter of practice. If you're an introvert, you can still improve with practice. You learn to ask the right questions and to listen to the answers. It encourages you to become more interested in people. I could probably hold a fairly interesting conversation about a teaspoon.

Who said anything about “ploughing straight in to politics”?

There are so many things to talk about and bring up that don’t involve having to sit through inane small talk first.

I have the opposite problem, people asking more and more intrusive questions, while not replying to any of mine. I think it's just a mismatch of expectations and how you were brought up, there is a middle way but I think you gradually select people who are similar to you in the way they ask and answer. thrown in with strangers can be a bit fraught, there can be lots of sensitive subjects that you don't know about.

There are some very odd posters on this thread. Hostile really. Foolish us for trying to converse when you’re oh so above silly small talk and exist on a higher plain.

I don’t know how one is supposed to have these deep meaningful interactions without a little banal back and forth in the first place. You can’t plough straight into politics etc - what a minefield!

Perhaps some of these posters are the ones guilty of Radio Mode. They just like to broadcast. No feedback necessary.

Yes, people seem to be saying "we don't like you, we can't be bothered and we think you're all stupid and dull - ergo, it's not us being rude".

So many posters being obtuse too, by extrapolating "asking questions" to "firing a non-stop barrage of very personal questions eschewing any other style of conversation".

Plus, I highly suspect that those saying that their conversations simply flow without asking questions actually do ask them in the course of chatting, they just happen naturally.

What's tricky, especially for those who have had to more actively learn these things, is that it's hard to have written rules. Some people will pull off a social interaction with more charm and grace than another and others are more tolerant of different things. I wouldn't do well with the "if people want to share then they will" approach but that obviously works well for some.

@sophiasnail hard not to read that in a catty way but I'll try and take it constructively as honestly I don't disagree! I have concluded it is most likely a me problem hence trying to learn and adapt :) personal growth and all that! I can't imagine I'll ever not want to show an interest in the lives of people I love though, but learning how those people want to communicate and trying to adapt accordingly is something I'm happy to do. We're all different, so trying to think the best of people and not assume just because someone isn't asking questions it's not because they're rude. Surely they can't all be rude. Much more likely that it's different strokes for different folks. As DH's conversational successes have shown.

I was in a social situation at the weekend, and as I left I realised not a single person had asked how I was. I know plenty of people who have told me in great detail about their own lives over the years but have no idea what I do for a job, for example, and probably never will. I find it breathtakingly rude to show absolutely no interest in other people.

I’m a very much ‘match the energy’ type of person i work with how people respond to me, some people just chat and it’s easy some people it’s like pulling teeth.

Of course. If it’s met with a blank stare I would assume they’re not interested in talking to me and move on. I’m not that bothered by social interaction in general though!

Can you not think of a more imaginative attempt at an insult?

It doesn't have anything to do with being introverted or extroverted. There are plenty of introverts that have good social skills and a genuine interest in others and plenty of extraverts without these qualities. I really hoped that we'd moved beyond these stereotypes.

Wow! The mask really comes off with that comment.

There’s your answer OP, they genuinely don’t care about you, and just wish you would STFU, but still happy to eat the food you prepare.

Taking the view that you can’t be bothered with a social convention does not make it less rude than ignoring it because you didn’t know.
Presumably you are prepared to queue up, use a handkerchief, and wear headphones. Polite talk is like that, not everyone wants to, but as a society we have sort of agree that’s how we do it. Fine, you think it’s stupid, but the reaction from those of is us who do, is the same as for brazen queue jumpers. That’s how rude people see you to be.

We're not all extroverts - many introverts find social interaction much easier when there's an obvious structure and effort from both parties. Obviously though that's only reasonably expected in some situations (like social events or when someone is staying at your house like in the OP - a bit of effort doesn't go amiss in these situations even if you don't like talking for the sake of it - not saying that's you PP).

A lot of us just don't like talking for the sake of it. It isn't rude, it is just a different way of existing and extroverts don't get to make the rules. I wonder why some posters are so desperate for other people to pretend they are interested in them? And for people who are "surrounded by people like this" maybe it's a you problem!

My in-laws never ask me anything about myself/my family/my job… it’s so rude, they just talk about their own lives, their own town, their own neighbours… we could spend 4 days with them whilst visiting and I could leave without sharing one piece of information about myself.

Do you ever open with a comment yourself? What do you do if it's met with a blank stare or just a nod and a "yeah"? I get that if you're at a party and able to move on swiftly, that's one solution but if you're trying to strike up a conversation with a stranger that's been sat beside you at a wedding, I find that things can get very awkward very quickly. Which is why I would usually go for a question with someone you don't know. They have to give some sort of response! But I fully appreciate that the person (who you don't know of course) may have preferred a different kind of opener. I just find them too high risk for awkwardness!

you sound like hard work

It’s rude.

It’s rude to seem disinterested.

I don’t like questions as opening gambits - I’d rather someone made a general comment about something relevant and then we’d go from there.

I feel like I'm surrounded by people like this and find it really tough. DH has more luck getting stuff out of people and it flowing into an actual conversation. What I've noticed is he sticks with one topic for a lot longer than I would. So whereas I might say (gonna use very general small talk Q's as an example) 'how's work?', listen to the answer, ask perhaps one or two follow ups based on what they say and then in the next lull say 'did you guys do anything nice over the holidays?', DH will ask more follow ups about work, and fill in with his own related anecdotes etc. Somehow it works 80%+ of the time. People relax, start to open up and the chat becomes more two-way. Honestly I've walked away from chats where I've felt like it was getting blood out of a stone, returned sometime later to find DH fully invested in a deep and meaningful or they're both laughing away.

I still can't seem to manage it though, even when I've tried to adapt, so maybe it's just DH with his charming ways!

OK- one more attempt, the function of the question is to open out the conversation and to give you a chance to direct it towards something you do find interesting.

What question would be a good opener for you? What sort of opening gambits do you prefer to use in conversations.