People who don’t ask questions

Maybe they experience those situations differently to you, in a way you can't imagine, or maybe they hate every minute of it.

I can actually make conversation in a relatively "normal" way if I try, but I find it incredibly exhausting to the point of feeling physically sick afterwards. I have actually gone home with a migraine and thrown up because of it.

Unfortunately just "opting out" isn't always an option (another societal expectation is that you have to attend this stuff), and it's not always possible to mask constantly.

It's interesting that you don't like being made to feel uncomfortable but you ignore the fact that that's how people with autism feel every single day.

I suppose I wonder what a non-reciprocal person even gets out of social situations.

I would rather somebody told me they don’t want me to chat to them rather than me making an effort and wasting energy.

And the people in my family who do this are not ND. They are just self-absorbed and rude people. Droning on and showing off about their kids, with no interest in anyone else.

I can actually make conversation in a relatively "normal" way if I try, but I find it incredibly exhausting to the point of feeling physically sick afterwards. I have actually gone home with a migraine and thrown up because of it.

Unfortunately just "opting out" isn't always an option (another societal expectation is that you have to attend this stuff), and it's not always possible to mask constantly.

It's interesting that you don't like being made to feel uncomfortable but you ignore the fact that that's how people with autism feel every single day.

So do I, generally speaking, but I'm also painfully aware that if I choose to be alone too much, I will end up isolated and in the long-run my mental health will suffer, so I force myself to do the "right" thing and say yes to a certain amount of invites etc - it's sort of a way to invest in my future.

I am perfectly happy in my own company and could quite happily go weeks without choosing to socialise for any extended period of time - but I know that I do still need people in my life for various reasons, so I have to invest in that, even if I find it really bloody difficult.

Perhaps you wang on about yourselves so much that there are no points left to clarify?

Is either of you a domineering personality, a big talker?

I have been in situations where the host just won't leave me in peace to rest, process etc- it was an unrelenting monologue from the moment I arrived!

That's interesting, good to hear other perspectives.

I think I can be quite avoidant of people that I don't connect well with though I think working on social skills can help with that. My struggle is non-verbal communication, I can't always tell the difference between someone who is just quiet due to something like shyness and someone trying to give me the brush off. Personally I prefer being alone to being in uncomfortable company.

As a child who was painfully shy, I still am to a degree! I find it very difficult starting and maintaining conversation. I have to feel comfortable around people or i will struggle to socialise.
As a child I wasn't really encouraged to talk either. It was a case of children should be seen and not heard. Latch key kids bringing ourselves up mainly.

This has had quite a detrimental effect and as a result of being socially awkward/nervous I'd stumble over words and get very embarrassed and go quiet internalising how pathetic I am. Conversation does not come easy to me.

Its when I found that alcohol took the edge off and gave me false confidence things started going really down hill as I would drink and drink until I felt confident. This has ended in me being dependent on alcohol and needing help. I am currently 2 years sober but the downside to that is I have hardly any friends and people now think I am boring.

I'm trying so hard to work on this but it isnt easy and I feel like a robot, then I start ovethinking and internalising. Its so difficult as I want so badly to be naturally confident and talk to others and see about their lives but there's an invisible force field working against me which is hard to shift!

Not all peopke are rude! Some people genuinely do car and wantvto know, there are things going on in the background that stop them! The term dont judge a book by its cover springs to mind here 😅

But then there will be people out there that genuinely dont care or maybe don't enjoy the company?

Who knows, it takes all kinds of people to makebup this world 🥰🤩😆

Because it can be nice to feel "normal". It can be nice to be around other people even if we struggle to connect with them. I also know that I refuse every single invitation to everything, I'll soon stop being asked, and that's not a nice feeling either, even if I do struggle when I'm there.

It's interesting that you don't like being made to feel uncomfortable but you ignore the fact that that's how people with autism feel every single day.

@jamandcustard It's a sad reality that feeling uncomfortable is a huge aspect of being on the whole ND spectrum. I genuinely wish it weren't.

But we're talking about conditions that get "diagnosed" which by definition carries negative effects.

I sincerely hope the world is becoming more aware and tolerant of the issues you describe, but I don't think NT need to suffer equally.

Some people are blind, which is really hard to deal with, but everyone else doesn't need to live with their eyes shut.

I suppose I wonder what a non-reciprocal person even gets out of social situations.

Exactly. But why they then actively seek out social situations is bizarre.

The people I have worked with with autism who have really worked on their social skills, have told me that it has really reaped rewards. Maybe not everybody can do that.

If you aren’t able to make any kind of reciprocal chat with the person next to you, then I don’t understand why people would attend weddings, or visit family and friends. If you are just going to talk about yourself and your own interests, and not engage with the hosts, then it is rude behaviour which makes others uncomfortable.

Why does everyone have to fit into your ideals?

They don't. But there are benefits to fitting into society.

Maybe they’re quiet

Of course, but people will find them stand-offish and some will think it's rude.

lots of intrusive questions

Again with the same exaggeration: nobody has advocated "lots" of questions. Like so many others on this thread you've added that to strengthen your point.

intrusive questions

Ditto. So many have explained that they are not suggesting "intrusive" or "personal" questions.

talked at all the time

That is not what people mean. You (and so many others here) are deliberately taking accepted friendly, engaged conversation and extrapolating it to ridiculous extremes, which anyone in their right mind would find annoying. You are all being obtuse.

Quite a few posters have said they are ND and find conversing difficult but wish they didn't, but the majority of anti-questioners sound either superior, anti-social, inept, rude and hostile. Which is fine by me if you're happy with it.

People don’t realise how lacking in social skills they are. They can be very dull company.

Quite a few posters have said they are ND and find conversing difficult but wish they didn't, but the majority of anti-questioners sound either superior, anti-social, inept, rude and hostile. Which is fine by me if you're happy with it.

I've just quoted both of you as you've both said similar things.

I've struggled socially all my life - but I was only diagnosed with autism last year at the age of 36. If you'd asked me even five years ago, the idea that I might be ND or autistic wouldn't even have crossed my mind, even though I've often been told I appear rude, condescending, stand-offish and odd.

People don’t realise how lacking in social skills they are. They can be very dull company.

Quite a few posters have said they are ND and find conversing difficult but wish they didn't, but the majority of anti-questioners sound either superior, anti-social, inept, rude and hostile. Which is fine by me if you're happy with it.

I've just quoted both of you as you've both said similar things.

I've struggled socially all my life - but I was only diagnosed with autism last year at the age of 36. If you'd asked me even five years ago, the idea that I might be ND or autistic wouldn't even have crossed my mind, even though I've often been told I appear rude, condescending, stand-offish and odd.