Getting married and not telling anyone?

Just do it! Treat is as a day-out for the two of you. No one needs to know that you’re married, that’s your business. What they don’t know can’t hurt them, as they say!

I did it. My mum was upset.

But if they’d never told you, you wouldn’t have been hurt.

My friends mum did this, she was upset.

Do it girl 💕

My best friend did this.
Got married abroad. Their witnesses were people they met on the plane there.
Said it was far less hassle than all the politics you get from all the family when you enounce an engagement.

my dad & step mum got married this year for inheritance tax reasons, they have been together for 40 years. They had a very small ceremony (as it was cheaper) with just 2 witnesses, my sister and my adult son. We all then went for a meal with the grandchildren ect. Even though I didn’t go to the ceremony I would have been really hurt to not know or be in involved at all.

Do it and don’t even tell anyone after!! We went to Gretna Green, still had a nice dress, did my own hair and makeup .couple of witnesses out doing their shopping jumped in. Boom. Home, changed, headed to pub, did CPR on a man lying collapsed on the street on the way. Fab day!!

My sister did this after many years together and didn’t actually get round to telling me until she came to stay many months later. Didn’t bother me in the slightest, we are all old enough and wise enough not to need all the wedding palaver.

You might be right but it needs planning for to protect your kids inheritance, it’s not straightforward

@Theolittle Even if you made a will before getting married, it’s doesn’t count after you marry.

Not if you state it's being made in anticipation of your marriage or partnership to xxxxx on yÿyyy date

Absolutely do this, people won’t care and tough if they do. Have a do later if you want, dont if you don’t want.

Be aware that if you die on the day before your wedding your estate would go to your own children. As soon as you’re married, if you die your estate would probably all go to your husband (unless you’re really rich). Worst case scenario you are driving home from the ceremony and crash and you die before him - his kids get all your money and your kids get none. Even if you made a will before getting married, it’s doesn’t count after you marry. If it were me I would get legal advice to make sure my kids inheritance is protected.

Don't tell 'em (Pike).

My friend's ex died last year and her children were upset to find out that he was married to his partner as he hadn't told them. It made a difficult situation so much worse and the children are now no contact with their step mum and step siblings.

Just do it.

The marriage contract is a legal / financial agreement, it's none of anyone else's business.

Just have the basic registry office procedure and tell no one. Or v low key and tell your respective Dc.

I don’t think I could do this. I think I’d set a date, invite only parents if they are alive, DC, their partners and their DC. Those who can come then that’s good and those who can’t well that’s a shame. I’d explain beforehand it’s a small no fuss wedding with a lunch afterwards. I’d offer to live stream it to those who can’t attend.

We did it for exactly the same reasons. Random witnesses. No fuss or drama. Highly recommend it.

@Differentusername70 only you know all the "players" involved within both families, so I'm sure you already know who could feel upset.

Therefore it is, really, your & your future husband's judgement call re any possible "fallout".

Have a wonderful day whatever you decide 🌻

Id set a date at a local registry when suits you and invite your grown up kids. Say ‘we realise it’s short notice and we just want something quick and low key for legal reasons’. And then if people come great, if not dont worry. Then theres been so secrecy.

Is there no risk as you have your own children that the other partner could remarry and then disinherit the deceased partners children? Even with wills done post marriage?

My parents have both remarried and the money will go to my step siblings either side I think, not to me or my siblings

This is exactly what we are doing this year. Registry office booked for June. Haven't told anyone, not really the perfect way forward for my future DH as he hasn't been married before and I have but the reality is I just need to get the legal bit done & he can arrange a celebration later on (it won't happen)

My dad this did this, they went on holiday and tied in a wedding.. I had no issue with this and thought it was great but my sister felt hurt by it and didn’t get why they kept it private but she is way more family oriented than I am.. I’m all about what makes you happy therefore I’m happy .

My Dad and his second wife did this - second marriage for them both, they'd been living together for years, adult children and grandchildren living all over the world. No one minded, it doesn't really make any difference to any of us and it worked for them.

Do it, but do tell your families that you have, reasonably soon after. If you want to have a party or similar celebration you could plan it at your leisure knowing the legal side has been sorted.

What I wouldn't do is get married and not tell anyone, and your families only find out when one of you is deceased. That would be more of a snub than eloping and letting them know afterwards.