Its not your hormones!

A male relative assured me recently that his wife's extramarital affairs are due to her excessive perimenopausal libido...

Most people I hear complaining about peri are women who drink too much, eat the wrong things, have excess weight and don’t exercise etc.

Ummm what?

I absolutely couldn't agree more!

I have no doubt that some women experience perimenopause from their early 30s - a woman I know went through menopause in her early 30s. But the fact that everywhere woman posting on MN asks "... or ak I just in peri?" drives me mad.

Just as much as when it's offered as an explanation by someone else.

Horrendous work conditions? Workplace bullying? Work related stress? Don't he daft. It's just peri!

Husband or partner being lazy? Lying? Just incompetent? Nope. You're just 'in peri'!

I also don't buy the bullshit that we're all just people pleasing martyrs until oestrogen levels drop. You might be/have been random lady posting on the Internet, but you don't speak for me!

I’m glad it’s not just me, I’m so tired of seeing posts where the OP is blaming her hormones for crap she’s experiencing externally. I find it quite demeaning to women. Not to say that menopause doesn’t add an extra dimension. But it doesn’t make your job crap, your husband crap, your relationship crap, your children misbehave and it certainly doesn’t make you unreasonable for being unhappy.

I agree and it infuriates me. It allows people to get off the hook for deeply unreasonable behaviour.

I also think its dangerous because people are so quick to attribute every symptom under the sun to "peri" that they could ignore more serious things.

You can't have any physical ailments or strong emotions from age 35+ without someone on here suggesting it might be peri. Women can actually have medical issues unrelated to their hormones...

YANBU
I'm of that age. Sick.of everyone blaming perimenopauae.
I say to them - maybe you're just pissed off cos you're 50 and had a bad day and sick of your job and the bullahit that comea with it
Maybe you're just tired today
Maybe that person is pissing you off because they are not annoying, not because of perimenopause
It's like a broken record
Why does wverything have to be labelled

Come off it its on masses of threads on here where a man has been an unequivocal arse and an OP will say: “It may be my hormones”.

👏🏽

I can't say that I have really noticed anyone saying anything like that.

Hormones really are responsible for a lot. They turn one of my teen daughters into a weeping mess two days a month. Over the last few years I've had a few major fluctuations with significant effects on my moods and concentration.

It is a faddy thing now for sure, and there are people who totally over-egg it, just like half my symptoms are apparently evidence of ADHD or ASD or some kind of food issue. (They aren't, except my piles which are evidence of my not drinking enough. No one wants to talk about piles though, thank goodness.)

I agree with this which is why I am slightly suspicious of the current menopause craze we are in. Yes its good that the stigma has subsided but its at risk of becoming another fucking excuse to tell women they have jelly for brains.

People are being obtuse. Theres nothing wrong with identifying menopause as a cause of some problems or stress.

I think what OP means is when a man does something unbelievably unreasonable and the post says: “This may be my hormones.” For example: “He went out on a three day bender and shagged someone, now he’s refusing to help around the house. AIBU or it it my hormones?”

No, love. All the dopamine in the world can’t polish this turd of a man.

Men frequently use “hormones” to gaslight women into thinking they are being unreasonable. If you think he’s being a bellend, chances are you are right, regardless whether you are peri or PMDD or whatever.

I am torn & it depends in which context. I think if the symptom is physiological, you’re of “a certain age” & it’s not something you’ve experienced before, it could well be perimenopause. In which case I’m glad we know more about it.

If it’s the other alternative - where women are completely overwhelmed, over worked, taking on too much & then we / others / men gaslight us or we gaslight ourselves and blame the perimenopause for these things, then that is something completely different. No I am not having a hot flush, being forgetful, crying with overwhelm because I’m perimenopausal, I am doing all of these things because life / the patriarchy / the man babies / working full time is driving me to utter burn out. Which by the way, I think happens to peak at around the same age the perimenopause symptoms start. But they are two very different things and I refuse to consider perimenopause being the cause for me just completely and utterly f*cked by life

Absolutely agree that 'hormones' can be a nasty way for people to imply women are being unreasonable when they're actually just identifying shitty behaviour.

But I also think pretending hormones don't exist is unhelpful. I did IVF; I was on high doses of hormones, and it really annoyed me to get comments like 'but why would you feel bad? You deal with hormones every month?'

It ought to be fine to say you're hormonal. If you'd broken your arm badly, you might easily say 'you know, I feel awful; I'm in pain with this broken arm, I am struggling' and most decent people would say 'gosh, yes, don't apologise, we get it: you are in pain so you're finding things a bit harder'.

They would not conclude you were somehow letting the side down by being in pain.

I started HRT and miraculously my husband and I stopped rowing.

He errs on the side that the root of the rowing was me being an arse, while I maintain the hrt oestrogen boost gives me the patience to put up with his bullshit behaviour. 😂

I am assuming you are not menopausal or peri menopausal. As your comment is childish. I can assure you there are a lot of things that happen that are hormone related.

Before HRT I had rage like I’d never felt before, not just angry but absolutely filled with rage for the tiniest thing. I was irritated by everyone and everything. I have always been a slave to my hormones, terrible periods etc. I think I'm a bit unlucky that way but I also know many women who have really suffered with peri too. I could tell the difference between what I used to be like and what I was like when I begged for HRT. I love how the information is out there for people. It may come up in loads of threads but some people aren’t aware of what peri feels like so it’s definitely worth letting people know to do some research. Of course it’s not always the cause of someone’s issues but it’s usually a possible cause.

You're so right. Although also I think sometimes the hormone fluctuations just make us less likely to stick a brave face on things.
I know I'm hormonal at the moment, and that means that my partner needs to do more for our DD(3) than I'd usually expect him to, because my tolerance for the usual toddler dramas is very low today.
So, instead of his usual get home from work and have a tea/scroll on his phone, he has arrived home and been told that he's playing doctors, then doing bath and bedtime because I need an hour to decompress.
Usually I'd love to do those things with DD, but not today 😂

Yep I’m sick of hearing peri everywhere. Most people just need to look after their health more.

I hate it too. A lot of men think women are too hormonal/emotional to be trusted with anything important and comments like that sound like women are telling them yes, you are right!