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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not bail DD out with car damage

311 replies

brokenbiscuitsadness · 19/01/2026 14:00

DD 18 is at college. She has a car and an earns a good wage from her part time bar job.
I try to have ongoing conversations with her about saving money but it goes in one ear out the other. She literally spends every penny she earns without any thought to the future/car maintenance/emergencies.

when it was really icy a few weeks ago her car skidded in the college car park, causing £600 worth of damage to another car.
Naturally she has now come to me begging for me to loan her the money as she doesn't have it and so she doesn’t have to go through her insurance. I suspect she will have also asked ExH to also help - he will probably give in.

if she was more sensible with money I would be willing to lend it to her but I am now so exasperated I want to say no. That way she will have to figure a plan out herself and hopefully start to consider see why it’s so important to put money aside

AIBU?

OP posts:
Thechaseison71 · 21/01/2026 08:33

allydoobs83 · 21/01/2026 07:16

If she doesn't go through the insurance company, and then declares at renewal,that she's not had any accidents,at the very least,her new insurance policy would be null and void,if they were to discover she HAD been involved in an accident (especially if it was her fault,which it sounds like it was,as she hit the other car,regardless of weather conditions).
I know £600 is a lot of money,and her premium will undoubtedly go up by more than this amount this year, but IMHO, it'd be better to take the hit now,rather than not declare it and find that if your DD is involved in another accident,her insurance won't cover her.
Whether you lend the money to her, to cover the excess/damage (depending on her cover) or have her come to an agreement with the insurance company,is a different matter though. Maybe she can arrange to pay in instalments; that might be a lesson in money management.
Coming from an ex-insurance worker.
PS. As a bit of general advice, ALWAYS protect your NCD!

No 18 year old will be able to protect ncd as you need 4 years worth before that's an option

sharkyroy · 21/01/2026 08:13

GaIadriel · 21/01/2026 06:25

To avoid premiums rising. Although tbf using insurance might still work out cheaper.

The question you have answered was given to a poster had talked about going through insurance and still giving the DD money, so no, nothing to do with avoidance of premiums.

Fulmine · 21/01/2026 07:55

Isn't her own car also damaged as a result of the accident? If she has to go through insurance, she can claim the cost of repairing that as well.

GaIadriel · 21/01/2026 07:39

The one that gets me is that I'm technically supposed to notify my insurer of any bumps I have at work when I'm driving trucks. Literally nobody does and they've usually no practical way of finding out.

I used to spend ten hours a day on the roads in a huge unwieldy vehicle with large blind spots, driving around the city centre with Deliveroo and Uber drivers trying their best to cut me up - that two-car-sized gap I'd leave as stopping distance looks incredibly inviting to BMW drivers who want to try and weave their way through the traffic.

And irrespective of the vehicle dynamics, spending 50-60 hours a week on the road massively increases your exposure to risk, even in a car. It's a joke that they try and raise the premiums for things that happen in vehicles that aren't insured by them and in situations where the increased incidence isn't caused by driver fault so much as unavoidable exposure.

It's like increasing your home insurance because your workplace is in a dodgy area and keeps getting broken into.

allydoobs83 · 21/01/2026 07:16

If she doesn't go through the insurance company, and then declares at renewal,that she's not had any accidents,at the very least,her new insurance policy would be null and void,if they were to discover she HAD been involved in an accident (especially if it was her fault,which it sounds like it was,as she hit the other car,regardless of weather conditions).
I know £600 is a lot of money,and her premium will undoubtedly go up by more than this amount this year, but IMHO, it'd be better to take the hit now,rather than not declare it and find that if your DD is involved in another accident,her insurance won't cover her.
Whether you lend the money to her, to cover the excess/damage (depending on her cover) or have her come to an agreement with the insurance company,is a different matter though. Maybe she can arrange to pay in instalments; that might be a lesson in money management.
Coming from an ex-insurance worker.
PS. As a bit of general advice, ALWAYS protect your NCD!

Thechaseison71 · 21/01/2026 07:16

knor · 20/01/2026 20:55

i get why you feel the way you do OP but honestly, at 18, we were all like this surely? Just spending all our money (because we could) and having fun!
the fact that she’s going to college and working part time sounds like she’s doing well at 18.
if you’ve got the money, I woudl personally pay or pay half with ex. Then do a system that she pays you back 100 a month or something. I get wanting to teach her a lesson re money but surely if she goes through insurance, her premium will be massive!
if you don’t have the money though, of course don’t pay for it and she’ll have to go through insurance

Err no
At 18 I was working, had my own place and paid he bills. None of my kids were so wasteful and careless with money either. So not ALL 18 year olds are.like that

Thechaseison71 · 21/01/2026 07:14

GaIadriel · 21/01/2026 07:06

I think it can still affect your premium even if the other party pays out. They always ask if you've been involved in a claim or accident in last year when you renew.

Last 3 or 5 years actually

Thechaseison71 · 21/01/2026 07:13

GaIadriel · 21/01/2026 06:25

To avoid premiums rising. Although tbf using insurance might still work out cheaper.

You still have to tell the insurance about the accident and they will hike the premium anyway. If she's 18 then she can possibly have more than a years ncd to lose

GaIadriel · 21/01/2026 07:10

Google's response....

Yes, even if the other party pays out or admits full fault, the accident can still affect your insurance premium and record. While a non-fault claim generally has a smaller impact than an at-fault claim, insurance companies often increase premiums because statistics show that drivers who have been involved in an accident—regardless of who was at fault—are more likely to make another claim in the future.

Here is how a non-fault, third-party payout can still affect you:

  • Premium Increases: Even with a "non-fault" claim, your insurance provider may adjust your premium slightly due to a perceived increase in risk.
  • Recording of Incidents: You are required to disclose all incidents to your insurer, regardless of who was at fault or whether a claim was filed, for typically the last three to five years.
  • No Claims Bonus (NCB) Impact: If your insurer cannot fully recover their costs (e.g., if there is a dispute or the other party is uninsured), your NCB could be affected.
  • "Non-Fault" vs. "No-Claim" Difference: A non-fault claim means you were not to blame, but it still represents a "claim" on your record, which impacts risk assessment.
CrazyGoatLady · 21/01/2026 07:08

GaIadriel · 21/01/2026 07:06

I think it can still affect your premium even if the other party pays out. They always ask if you've been involved in a claim or accident in last year when you renew.

Then she'll have to budget for paying higher premiums won't she!

GaIadriel · 21/01/2026 07:06

CrazyGoatLady · 21/01/2026 06:51

Insurer will pay for damage to another driver's car if DD is found to be at fault. She will need to pay excess if she has to have her own car fixed. If it's only cosmetic damage to DD's car, and no safety impact, then tell her she has to save to have it repaired.

18 year olds are not by nature sensible with money. If they don't get taught before 18, they won't magically get the skills overnight. Do you charge her any rent/board? I'd be doing that and starting a savings pot. We've done this with DS19 who is on a gap year, it will go towards his uni accommodation next year rather than "keep" while he's living at home, but it was non negotiable. He isn't bad with money, but spends a lot on his hobby and we wanted to make sure his gap year working actually helped him with his first year at uni.

I think it can still affect your premium even if the other party pays out. They always ask if you've been involved in a claim or accident in last year when you renew.

CrazyGoatLady · 21/01/2026 06:51

Insurer will pay for damage to another driver's car if DD is found to be at fault. She will need to pay excess if she has to have her own car fixed. If it's only cosmetic damage to DD's car, and no safety impact, then tell her she has to save to have it repaired.

18 year olds are not by nature sensible with money. If they don't get taught before 18, they won't magically get the skills overnight. Do you charge her any rent/board? I'd be doing that and starting a savings pot. We've done this with DS19 who is on a gap year, it will go towards his uni accommodation next year rather than "keep" while he's living at home, but it was non negotiable. He isn't bad with money, but spends a lot on his hobby and we wanted to make sure his gap year working actually helped him with his first year at uni.

GaIadriel · 21/01/2026 06:25

sharkyroy · 20/01/2026 21:42

What reason would OP have for giving her DD £600 if the insurer paid the claim?

To avoid premiums rising. Although tbf using insurance might still work out cheaper.

GaIadriel · 21/01/2026 06:21

sharkyroy · 19/01/2026 14:02

The sensible thing to do would be to teach her what her insurance is for, and that you always use it when you have damaged someone else’s car. Slightly bemused anyone would wait weeks for your DD to come up with the money. I would have reported her long ago.

Edited

Non fault claims can still affect your insurance though can't they I think?

Elektra1 · 21/01/2026 06:17

Insurance policy wordings require you to inform them of accidents whether or not you make a claim, so her plan for you to pay for the damage (and her not tell the insurer) would be in breach of her policy and probably amounts to insurance fraud. Responsibility has to be learned the hard way if not taken the easy way.

Bookaholicwithwine · 21/01/2026 05:23

Bookaholicwithwine · 21/01/2026 05:22

I am a single mum to an autistic teenager . Doesn’t mean life doesnt happen

Just saw your bottom comment . What a cow you are

Bookaholicwithwine · 21/01/2026 05:22

Firefly1987 · 21/01/2026 03:58

If this was a single mum come on here saying she doesn't have £600 to spare there would be nothing but sympathy. Most people don't have £600 to spare in this day and age let alone an 18 year old, do people live in the real world? Just wanna have a pop at a teenager for making a mistake like they're all financial whizzes who have never had something unexpected happen they couldn't budget for. £600 for an 18 year old is a huge amount and it's not like she did it on purpose. I'd be gutted for her not punishing her-fair enough if OP wants her to pay but it's an unfortunate thing to happen to her when she's only just started driving I'd just feel bad for her and be glad she wasn't hurt. Why twist the knife in and act like it's all her fault for not being psychic and saving up £600 from a crappy little bar job in case something out of her control happens.

Just lend it her and she can pay you back gradually? Unless of course you don't have £600 spare because you suck at budgeting yourself...

I am a single mum to an autistic teenager . Doesn’t mean life doesnt happen

MumsGoneToIceland · 21/01/2026 04:23

IF you do lend her the money, before lending it, I’d agree a repayment plan and and ensure the standing order was set up with her to pay it back to you before providing the funds. Agree what the outcome will be if she stops the SO.

in addition, I suggest you sit with her to help work out a budgeting plan and agree how much of her wages she should save in a separate account ( another SO) when she receives her wages and how much she’d have left to spend on other things. The budget for savings may want to include:

  • car maintenance and next years insurance tax and MOT
  • holiday fund - holiday costs plus spending money
  • clothes?
  • anything else?
Firefly1987 · 21/01/2026 03:58

Bookaholicwithwine · 20/01/2026 20:36

What has that got to do with it? It’s about teaching a young adult financial responsibility not don’t worry mummy gets £20 a week to help !

If this was a single mum come on here saying she doesn't have £600 to spare there would be nothing but sympathy. Most people don't have £600 to spare in this day and age let alone an 18 year old, do people live in the real world? Just wanna have a pop at a teenager for making a mistake like they're all financial whizzes who have never had something unexpected happen they couldn't budget for. £600 for an 18 year old is a huge amount and it's not like she did it on purpose. I'd be gutted for her not punishing her-fair enough if OP wants her to pay but it's an unfortunate thing to happen to her when she's only just started driving I'd just feel bad for her and be glad she wasn't hurt. Why twist the knife in and act like it's all her fault for not being psychic and saving up £600 from a crappy little bar job in case something out of her control happens.

Just lend it her and she can pay you back gradually? Unless of course you don't have £600 spare because you suck at budgeting yourself...

IridiumSky · 21/01/2026 01:19

grumpygrape · 20/01/2026 11:00

Probably represents themselves in Court too !

Damn right I do! Lawyers, along with insurers, comprise another swarm in my cranial apiary.
I tend to descalate and avoid trouble: I’ve gone to court only twice in my life, both of which I enjoyed tremendously.
One was a planning appeal. Won. The other side spent thousands; me, zero.
The other was me suing KLM for charter flight cost after my son and I were bumped. Hopeless case as aviation law is a bugger, lost, but judge commended my persistence, and gave the airline’s solicitor a right bollocking. Zero costs awarded, cost them thousands in legal fees. Ha!
Other self-represented exchanges were with private parking companies, all of whom bottled it and discontinued last minute. Oh, and two speeding allegations discontinued, one due to inability to identify the driver, and the other due to signs occluded by shrubbery. Both won. Oh yeah, and a tow-away charge in Park Lane refunded by the police due to non-compliant signage. I’d forgotten that one. 😃
I suspect those on here who are so insistent on dobbing the OP’s poor daughter in to her insurers are the sort of fools who actually pay those rip-off scammy private parking ‘fines’. 🙄
The point I’m making is a life tip: Avoiding contact with insurers, lawyers, and so on is a recipe for a happy life. Sure, I’ve occasionally (slightly) damaged peoples’ cars, but never claimed on insurance. My fault: I just immediately pay, then forget about it. This is perfectly normal for anyone with business sense. And maybe that’s why I now pay only £350 per annum insurance for my best car. Which is a Lamborghini.
Who’s doing this right?

.

Bookaholicwithwine · 20/01/2026 23:37

Minnie798 · 20/01/2026 22:32

A lot of 18 year olds in full time education dont even have a part time job. Those that do, it's usually just for spending money on socialising and hobbies.
Theres a world of difference between an 18 year old in full time eduction who has a part time job for a bit of cash and one working full time. So yes, I absolutely think it has something to do with it and my opinion isn't less valid than yours.

Absolutely no one said your opinion was less valid 😂 and at 18 they should have a part time job!

Minnie798 · 20/01/2026 22:32

Bookaholicwithwine · 20/01/2026 20:36

What has that got to do with it? It’s about teaching a young adult financial responsibility not don’t worry mummy gets £20 a week to help !

A lot of 18 year olds in full time education dont even have a part time job. Those that do, it's usually just for spending money on socialising and hobbies.
Theres a world of difference between an 18 year old in full time eduction who has a part time job for a bit of cash and one working full time. So yes, I absolutely think it has something to do with it and my opinion isn't less valid than yours.

PurpleVine · 20/01/2026 22:28

if the other person is willing to settle up without going through insurance then she should do that, it will be cheaper. i wouldn't risk haggling - piss them off and all they need to do is put a claim in and their insurance will come after hers for the costs.

her dad's point about private land is rubbish - if it was a college car park it might well be privately owned but the road traffic act still counts it.

HollaHolla · 20/01/2026 21:45

I always thought the whole point of insurance was to cover these things....

I remember claiming at 19, and it not putting the insurance up a hideous amount.
When it was damage to my car, I was made to pay for the parts (from the scrappies, as it was an old car my sister and I shared), and my Dad was able to fix it.

sharkyroy · 20/01/2026 21:42

knor · 20/01/2026 21:11

😂 staying true to the name then.
have you also “managed to dodge” my whole comment.
I said about going through insurance meaning insurers paying the other driver. OP can still give her daughter money after telling the insurers. The post also wasn’t about if OP/daughter should tell the insurance company, it was about if she should give her daughter the money.
this is mumsnet, no need to be snappy 😂

What reason would OP have for giving her DD £600 if the insurer paid the claim?