To not bail DD out with car damage

Suppose it depends how rich you are. My parents wouldn't have been able to afford to do it for me, and I'd never have asked, and from the age of 16 they couldn't give me any money, before anyone acts like parents should always give their adult offspring cash. But I had lots of friends who would have expected to get money. One really played her parents against each other when they split up because she was mad about it-and her dad in particular was happy to go along with this to wind up his ex. Obviously don't know whether this applies to you OP, but you know your own situation and do mention your ex.

Absolutely must go through insurance otherwise its failure to notify of an accident.

If you can afford to, lend her the money or at least help her out, if she goes through Insurance, she'll be paying for it for years to come.

Oh well. That's life.

I don't mean that to sound nasty, but that's the point of paying for insurance - so they deal with all of this for you.

She is 18yo, living her life! I'm not defending her attitude but hell, when i was 18yo, it was spend spend spend!!

At least she has a strong work ethic, many 18yo's wouldn't even have a job plus she damaged her car on ice, not doing handbrake turns in a car park.

If you can afford to, lend her the money or at least help her out, if she goes through Insurance, she'll be paying for it for years to come.

You not helping wont suddenly change her outlook on money, what it will do is make her resent you.

if she was more sensible with money I would be willing to lend it to her but I am now so exasperated I want to say no. That way she will have to figure a plan out herself and hopefully start to consider see why it’s so important to put money aside

I think you're right to say no, It would be different if this was the first time she'd come to you. Explain the options and let her choose what to do, if your ex is stupid enough to bail her out I'm not sure there's anything you can do. Whatever she chooses to do she should be paying the cost herself, it might actually teach her to value the money she has earnt.

What is she going to do if something goes wrong with the car, who does she expect to pay for that?

I know of a few young people who have had minor crashes in their car, in all cases the parents have bailed them out so they don't need to go through insurance. I think they're mad, I think it would do young drivers good to see what a ball ache it is dealing with insurance companies, it might make them more careful.

@brokenbiscuitsadness I would be most surprised if it wasn't in the Insurance Contract your daughter signed that she MUST let HER Insurance Company know if she has been in an accident whether or not she was intending to claim.

Don't understand why the other party agreed to deal with it via their own garage and independently of their Insurance? Maybe they weren't insured?

Either way, she needs to tell the Insurance company. And get them to pay for the repair. Don't lend her money!. She needs to learn

I think it’s refreshing to read a post on MN where the parent isn’t bailing out their adult offspring.

Daily, we read how parents (usually mums) are at their wits end because their 30 year old “child” is living rent free, demanding their time/money/use of their car, can’t do basics like washing or ironing and the poster wants help before they need to ask them to leave.

In your situation, those people would have sent the money immediately and probably rounded it up to £1000 so the poor soul could treat themselves to make them feel better.

You're being a good parent, and typically that’s the harder road to go. But it’ll be so good for your daughter to learn a lesson now. Insurance is there to protect all parties, she should go through them.

@Blondeshavemorefun the PP is correct, if someone else claims for their repairs against your insurance you do not pay the excess, but your premiums will increase in future. The excess is only payable towards any repairs to your own vehicle. This has been the case in insurance for many many many years.

Nope. That's not how it works.

I had an at-fault accident last year. I didn't pay a penny as I didn't need to repair my car (it was just scuffed). My insurers covered everything.

The excess is for accidental damage to the policyholders car only, if the claim is only for the damaged parked third party car then the insured makes no payment. It will however affect her ncd and claims history

It is right. You pay an excess to repair your own vehicle only.

You are on a hiding to nothing, OP. If you lend her the money and she doesn't pay it back in accordance with whatever was agreed, then you will be annoyed and she will resent you if you bring it up or ask for it.
If you don't lend her the money, you are still the bad guy.
I would let Ex take the hit tbh, then he can be the one having conversations with her as to why she hasn't repaid, or letting her off and being £600 out of pocket.
I would bet most of that £600 that she won't pay back on schedule.

Lend it to her on condition she has her wages paid into your bank so you can take your repayment before flipping it on to her.

OP, I have a 55 year old SIL and her parents have bailed her out financially her whole life. They are now in their 80s. It started out with clearing credit cards and overdrafts in her early 20s and continued from there. She’s downsized her house three times to get out of financial trouble as she spends her money on things that aren’t important and then can’t afford what does matter. We saw her recently and she was having to get one of her DC to pay a small bill as she couldn’t cover it right there and then, but then the next thing she’s telling us about an expensive day out she’s going on.

This may sound extreme but it could be what your future is like if you bail your daughter out again. You’ve done it once and it didn’t make her more responsible so maybe just have a think about what effect constantly paying for her could have going forward.

It’s a learning experience, she needs to go through her insurance.

She shouldn't set the excess at a price she can't pay, even if it brings down premiums.

At most, lend her the excess and have a repayment plan. She needs to go through the insurance because otherwise anything could happen to fuck her over; repair could be botched, garage or other driver could claim the cost has increased and so on.

Honestly if she can't navigate this herself she's not mature enough to own a car and be driving, sorry. I got a car just out of college and understood it was my full responsibility and nobody else would be bailing me out (although my dad did tow me home once!). This lesson has to be learned, no time like the present.

you may as well loan her the £600 and hopefully this will teach her a lesson.

You don't go through insurance for a few hundred quid. As the op says excess is £400 anyway.

If its happened before and she’s still not choosen to save money, then let her go through insurance. I would not lend the money.

She goes through the insurance
if she can’t afford the excess she can’t afford a holiday
she needs to sort her priorities

How can she be 'on a good wage' if she's at college amd working partime in a pub?

I'd at least go halves if it were me.

It actually keeps getting worse. Lend her the money at your peril! Just know that she'll never stop asking as she's learned nothing.

Make her go through the insurance. Safer all round, might be more expensive but saves dealing with the other party.

No they aren’t

she will have to pay th £400 so the other car can be fixed