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Original poster

Is this a bit much for grandparents babysitting ?

231 replies

Colourconundrum · 19/01/2026 13:35

Hi Mums - my in laws came over to babysit DS (1) at the weekend while me and DH went out for dinner to celebrate a friends bday. DS’s bedtime was before we’d even left the house but ILs came over early as they wanted to do his tea & bath. We were back by 1030.

DH paid for them to have a takeaway at our house, left out a £30 bottle of wine & has also just sent a bouquet of flowers as a thank you.

AIBU to think this is a bit OTT? I’m obviously super grateful that they looked after DS but what we’ve spent on ILs has exceeded how much our meal out was!! And a babysitter would have been way cheaper too. I’m also worried it sets an expensive precedent now and money is pretty tight for us.

Just to add my parents were also happy to babysit and I know they wouldn’t have accepted us paying for anything but MIL has been dying to look after DS so I don’t think it wasn’t a massive chore or inconvenience for her that we need to ‘compensate’ for.

OP posts:
Gahr · 19/01/2026 15:04

Utterly ridiculous. The takeaway was nice, the wine and flowers complete overkill.

Kingsleadhat · 19/01/2026 14:57

Definitely ott. It wouldn't occur to me to expect anything for having my grandson overnight, I wonder why he felt the need to creep round them like that?

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/01/2026 14:56

Yes too much

takeaway nice so they don’t need to cook or just get an easy Bung in ovens meal for them

nice wine and flowers def no need

Viviennemary · 19/01/2026 14:54

It was a bit over the top IMHO.

Maddy70 · 19/01/2026 14:53

Yeah the takeaway was sufficient. Everything else was ott

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 19/01/2026 14:48

My husband generally thinks that asking any sort of babysitting form any grandparent (all of whom are DESPERATE to spend time with our son) is such a big ask that it should firstly be avoided, secondly be apologised for and thirdly be overcompensated for. (Fourthly, he's so wary of imposing on grandparents that he fails to give them any such useful information such as how much/when/what our son eats, nap times, places to go etc).

I think it stems from how challenging HE finds it. He doesn't think he can ask people to do stuff for him if he struggles with it himself. (Hence he doesn't know we're going away for a night soon with ILs staying over, it's a surprise!)

RollOnSunshine · 19/01/2026 14:47

Far OTT. Any one of those gestures is more than enough.

Alcohol and babysitting should not mix though.

mindutopia · 19/01/2026 14:43

I’d never pay a grandparent to spend time with their grandchild. They can always say no. I would offer to buy in food for them (no takeaways where we live), but even that seems a bit OTT as most adults can go a few hours without eating and know how to source snacks for themselves, but yes, I’d offer. The rest is too much. But maybe as an initial go, fine and shows gratitude. But not again.

I wouldn’t want my babysitter drinking a bottle of wine though! Once MIL had a few drinks babysitting ours, ended up forgetting to put them to bed, dd messaged us to say toddler ds fell asleep fully clothed on the floor in her room at 11pm and she had to put him to bed herself because granny was drunk. 😳 Granny hasn’t babysat again.

Original poster
Colourconundrum · 19/01/2026 14:41

Re drinking the bottle of wine - I don’t drink myself so it’s not reallr something I’ve given much thought too tbh ! MIL drove home so I presume she only had 1 glass

OP posts:
Original poster
Colourconundrum · 19/01/2026 14:39

Changename12 · 19/01/2026 14:34

OP, your husband is OTT.
We always take our own food when we babysit our grandchildren, although we are often offered a take away. In common with most grandparents, we don’t require any thank you. We just like seeing our grandchildren.
If we eat out with our children and grandchildren then we pay. We do not have mortgages or young children to fund. Speaking to my friends, I think this is normal.

Yes this is the norm with my friends and family too.

OP posts:
Changename12 · 19/01/2026 14:34

I don’t drink wine when babysitting in case there is an emergency.

Changename12 · 19/01/2026 14:34

OP, your husband is OTT.
We always take our own food when we babysit our grandchildren, although we are often offered a take away. In common with most grandparents, we don’t require any thank you. We just like seeing our grandchildren.
If we eat out with our children and grandchildren then we pay. We do not have mortgages or young children to fund. Speaking to my friends, I think this is normal.

DarkForces · 19/01/2026 14:32

I always feed my parents if they babysit but don't buy expensive wine or flowers

fiorentina · 19/01/2026 14:32

Seems really OTT. I babysat for a friends DC at that age for nothing. I wouldn’t expect anything more than tea/coffee and some nibbles. I’d have given the grandparents more if they had DC for a weekend!

Grumpynan · 19/01/2026 14:31

Totally OTT I often babysit my grandchildren and have 3 of them after preschool and school 3 days a week, I do it because I love spending time with them and I like to help my children out. I’ve even been known to pay fir their night out if I think things are particularly stressed and money tight.

a takeaway would have been more than enough, they chose to come early, would have been better they arrive later and eat before hand. But that said i find it easier if I’m there to put the children to bed so if they wake up it’s not a shock mum and dad are out.

hahagogomomo · 19/01/2026 14:30

Normal wine and a takeaway is proportionate, perhaps a supermarket bunch of flowers but no more

Purplebunnie · 19/01/2026 14:28

I agree with @BlanketyBlankBlank

Love having DGC sleep over at our house. Got them coming this Saturday, can't wait. Would be furious if DD and SIL did all that

noidea69 · 19/01/2026 14:24

Yeah this is weird, way over the top.

Newyearawaits · 19/01/2026 14:23

I am sure that it was meant with the best of intentions and your il's aren't at fault.
Perhaps have a chat with your husband re future babysitting

Grammarninja · 19/01/2026 14:20

The food and wine should be standard IMO but the flowers is def OTT.

BlanketyBlankBlank · 19/01/2026 14:16

I would actually be furious if my child did any of that for me babysitting!

I don’t need takeaways, wine or flowers to look after my own DGC on the odd occasion.

I’d be saying, if you do that again I won’t be able to babysit because I can’t allow that much money to be spent on me.

Totally OTT

Delphiniumandlupins · 19/01/2026 14:14

Like everyone else I think he has been OTT. Laugh about it as a one-off but he shouldn't plan to do it again. Any one gift would have been more than sufficient, although I also wouldn't drink when babysitting (nor would my DH who likes a bevy). I would be embarrassed if I was the grandparents and it means you can't afford to go out as often.

TheBlueKoala · 19/01/2026 14:13

Colourconundrum · 19/01/2026 14:09

No, DH offered the takeaway when we were organizing the dates & also left them the wine.

I’m definitely not blaming ILs for accepting what we offered but just wanted to gage if this was a bit OTT as it meant we spent an absolute fortune in the end and money is quite tight at the moment

Show quote history

Well tell your DH you can't afford having his parents over to babysit anymore. It's ridiculous.

Original poster
Colourconundrum · 19/01/2026 14:09

Hankunamatata · 19/01/2026 14:03

Did his parents ask for takeaway and wine?

Could have easily just left some menu's so they could order themselves and cheaper bottle of wine

No, DH offered the takeaway when we were organizing the dates & also left them the wine.

I’m definitely not blaming ILs for accepting what we offered but just wanted to gage if this was a bit OTT as it meant we spent an absolute fortune in the end and money is quite tight at the moment

OP posts:
Newusername0 · 19/01/2026 14:09

A takeaway would have been a nice touch. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone babysitting my 1yo to drink a bottle of wine however expensive, and the flowers were very OTT.