Is this a bit much for grandparents babysitting ?

Did DH realise that he spent more on gifts for his parents, than your whole evening out cost? If he plans to spend that each time, then as money is tight, you won’t be able to afford to go out very often at all. Or, only when your own parent’s babysit.

I’d be asking DH why he felt the need to be so OTT. He must have spent nearly £100, that’s more than we spend on parents for Christmas and birthdays. I do wonder if he gives his parents the impression that he’s doing very well financially, so can easily afford to pay for their meals out. Otherwise I am shocked that they accepted it all.

The first time we babysat my grandson my daughter wanted to pay us. Told her I was grandma and no payment required. It they really needed the money maybe but no money.

We have no idea about that.
It is something you've just made up.

Your husband is a bit of a tit OP.
He went completely overboard.
But his parents sound mean so it looks as if he has been conditioned by them and is in a FOG, fear, obligation and guilt mode.
I think your parents and a babysitter might be a better idea if your husband can't cop himself on.

Maybe she was taken aback by it and dint know how to act on the spot, maybe embarrassed and offended, and now it’s made worse as you dont want to ask her again,I don’t know how anyone can do that mistakenly, and now you’ve both made her the problem. When you’ve both behaved badly.

Both flowers and £30 bottle of wine were OTT.
I wanted to say it’s fine if you can easily afford it - but IMO actually still OTT, and that’s from dual high earner household, we don’t even drink £30 bottles of wine ourselves! Flowers are for special occasions. even card is a bit weird

But if you are on a tight budget it’s crazy

It's nice of him but I agree it sets an awkward precedent/expectations for future occasions. We had something similar-ish with a family friend who was considered sort of extra grandma to our kids. She would babysit occasionally if our usual (paid) babysitter couldn't cover. I would invite her round for dinner/takeaway with us beforehand and would tell her to help herself to more wine while we were out and I'd pay for a taxi home and get her some chocs as a thank you.

The second time my husband absentmindedly drew out cash and handed it over because it's what he usually did for our teen babysitter (£50) and she said thanks very much and pocketed it. I was kind of reluctant to ask her again as there would be an expectation that she'd get a wage as well as dinner, wine and taxi whereas babysitter just got the wage plus walked home safe and was much more economical both in cost and also time (as I didn't have to host a dinner first). I probably sound really mean ... and husband was a pillock for doing it, but i was also a bit shocked she was so keen to accept the cash. She wasn't hard up!

That’s what I’m thinking, he doesn’t want his family to know he’s skint, so making these big gestures, I’d be very surprised if his parents knew they were financially struggling snd expected this sort of gesture.

and the fact rhe op is trying to blame the parents makes me think this is a no go subject with him

I babysit and am a GP mid seventies . I do it because I want my DS and DiL to have e a break . I would not want presents , just leave me a nice ready meal . I would find all those gifts excessive and ott .

I’ve never paid £30 for a bottle of wine to drink at home in my life! And certainly not for someone else to drink!

As most posters are saying it’s very OTT. My parents babysit at theirs or have children overnight but we don’t take advantage about it. They actually LIKE having them and spending time with then and they are happy also knowing I’m getting a short break. I say thank you to them and on occasion get my mum a bunch of (cheap) flowers she liked (she says delivered flowers are overpriced so wouldn’t want me spending lots of flowers). They usual my have them at their own home so no need to provide food.

Your DH has been very OTT especially as it seems things are tight. I’m wondering if he’s trying to give a different version of his lifestyle to his DP for some reason. Like showing him he’s wealthier than is reality in an almost “look what I’ve achieved” dynamic. Especially with the expensive wine and the delivered flowers.

If they know wine and know pricing then maybr they think you are much wealthier than you are (hence being hapoy for DH to pay when go for joint meals). It seems like mixed messages coming form your DH to his DP and one I’d be wanting to set straight.

other thoughts
I’d feel a big sad as a GP at all the gestures like it’s a big one off favour rather than something I can do more frequently to see my DGC
and
i would t leave wine for any babysitter and wouldn’t have someone drinking when babysitting my 1 year old (for first time?)
and
your MiL shouldn’t be driving even with one glass of wine. Maybe technically under limit (not where I am!) but to me shows poor judgement. Other option was she had none and FIL has a whole bottle himself which again seems odd choice for babysitting duty

Totally ott

Yeah OTT from DH.

I would have left a Charlie Bingham meal and a bottle of wine (but not a £30 one).

Flowers were so over the top! Must have all cost about £100. A babysitter would have been cheaper..

Based on this I’m not convinced the reality is not he wants to pay and not they sit there with their hand out as the op is playing it.

Agree. Very mean of his parents not to foot the bill if there are better off.

Massively over the top on my opinion. A bottle of wine was a nice touch (£8) or a box of chocolates to eat whilst you were out.
But to send flowers afterwards was definitely not necessary.

Not OTT. Sometimes it's just nice to get things anyway and it's lovely that you expressed your thanks. It's refreshing on here to see people not take others for granted, which is often (rightly) moaned about. Probably bankrupt yourself if do it every time though!

I agree i would be worried about the precedent.

I would leave dinner and (cheapish !) Wine !

Flowers were way OTT, same as the 30 pounds wine (specially considering they're much more wealthy). Nice food in the fridge and a sweet thank you is more than suffice.

And both are equally extreme imo. There's a middle ground between your husband's extravagant thanks, and grandparents acting like they need to pay for the privilege of doing you a favour. Both are unnecessary and a bit fawning. They do you a favour, you give them a little gesture of thanks in return.

Very OTT. I’d have said thanks and left some biscuits out 🤭

I expect the OP uses money from it on things they want to buy too.

I wouldn't be furious exactly, but I'd definitely tell them not to do that again, and that I babysit to save them money, not cost them money.

And @user1492757084
Do you never drink at home when your DC’s are in bed? I really can’t see an issue with leaving some wine (apart from the extravagance).

To the OP, as a grandparent, yes I would find that too much. I wouldn’t expect anything, a takeaway would be lovely, some food left but not expected.

I paid my DP’s as our childcare but not if they babysat during the evening. This was just family help.

Does your husband push the boat out for your birthday, valentine's day and mother's day too?