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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask my partner to give up golf while he’s training for the marathon?

87 replies

NameChangedForThis2025 · 19/01/2026 11:40

Partner plays golf. To be fair to him, he’s not religious about it even though his membership is quite expensive, so he will give it up for other family priorities which means he doesn’t play every single week.

However he’s now training for the London marathon and he’s got to point where his long runs on a Saturday are over 2 hrs and then he has a recovery run on Sunday. So between that and golf that would be a solid 7.5 hrs of daylight time on weekends for his hobbies between now and April.

Would you suck it up for a few months on the basis the marathon is a one off and it’s supporting a big goal? - YABU

Or would you say golf needs to take a back seat during training - YANBU

OP posts:
LemonBelly · 19/01/2026 12:01

I think you need to have a conversation with him about how the childcare duties while he peruses these hobbies are defaulting to you and how you can make sure it’s fair.

Is there an activity you want to start? Or meet up with friends? Spa day etc. It’s important you have your own time too and make goals for yourself. Either chat about how that can work with the current schedule or agree that after the marathon it’s time for you to pick up a hobby and for DH to become the default parent for those hours a week.

Original poster
NameChangedForThis2025 · 19/01/2026 12:00

Ok thanks all, to answer some questions:

Impact is reduction of family time, reduction of me time. I’m perimenopausal and struggling a bit right now.

He’s excellent generally - no slouch on housework, brilliant dad.

He’s great at booking the first golf tee off and rattling around the course so he’s home by 12.30.

He’s aiming for just over 3 hrs so that would reduce the total time of long runs a little.

I wouldn’t just tell him to give up golf, it would be a conversation, but likewise he can’t just come up with a unilateral plan to fit it in because it relies on me to make it happen.

I’m just sense checking where other people would be at before I start the conversation. I suppose I’m a little irritated that he hasn’t done that and is just assuming it’s going to happen without planning or conversation, but that’s a petty annoyance.

OP posts:
Everleigh13 · 19/01/2026 11:56

NameChangedForThis2025 · 19/01/2026 11:46

Oh yeah, sorry that’s essential info! One 4 year old. If we didn’t it wouldn’t be an issue!

Show quote history

Then YANBU. There is a limit on how much time you can spend out of the house doing hobbies when you have young children.

AltitudeCheck · 19/01/2026 11:54

You need a discussion about how much time he can reasonably expect to be absent from family life / parenting responsibilities on a weekend and then he needs to decide how he spends that time.

Many people training for marathons who have small kids will get up and run while the family are sleeping, not expect the other parent to sacrifice more of their time.

jamandcustard · 19/01/2026 11:49

I don’t think you should tell him he has to give it up, that’s controlling - just ask him how he plans to fit everything in.

DDivaStar · 19/01/2026 11:46

I think its fair to discuss jmhow much time these activities take him out of the home, but you've not said what the impact is.
Fo you have kids, do they have activities that would be affected, do you have other interests

Original poster
NameChangedForThis2025 · 19/01/2026 11:46

Everleigh13 · 19/01/2026 11:43

Do you have children? How old are they?

Oh yeah, sorry that’s essential info! One 4 year old. If we didn’t it wouldn’t be an issue!

OP posts:
DDivaStar · 19/01/2026 11:45

I think its fair to discuss jmhow much time these activities take him out of the home, but you've not said what the impact is.
Fo you have kids, do they have activities that would be affected, do you have other interests

Whyherewego · 19/01/2026 11:45

Ask him if he can suspend membership at golf club for a few months whilst he gets the marathon training in. He'll be running around 3-5 hours training on a Sat as he ramps up for this depending on his pace.

TheChosenTwo · 19/01/2026 11:45

Depends - is he a good partner/dad?
i’d be okay with picking up the slack while there was a deadline (obviously in this case it’s the date of the marathon.)
For every weekend from now until eternity? No I would not be okay with this if I had young children. Hobbies are important but so is down time so it’s about finding a balance that works for everyone. I have the most hobbies in our house but I do some of it early on a Saturday and Sunday morning before anyone else even wakes up so I’m not eating into family time.
and then a couple of evenings a week im out for a couple of hours. All works okay for all of us though.

MatildaTheCat · 19/01/2026 11:44

I’d say good luck with getting him to agree. My DH plays golf and is usually out of the house for at least 6-7 hours just on one game.

What free time do you get? Are you left with children to care for?

Everleigh13 · 19/01/2026 11:43

Do you have children? How old are they?

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