Moral dilemma - should 6 year old DS be made to confess?

He is sick years old. On the spur of the moment he hid a toy he wanted and told a lie about it. When found out he is remorseful and I would guess after a talking to by you he won't try it again. You just need to stress that the other little boy owned the toy ...just like he owned the Millennium one ...and how say he, your son, would be to have that taken from him by a friend and his friend would feel just the same. After that why make a song and dance about it. He will value the friendship more having almost lost it and after the upset, guilt and remorse I can't imagine he"ll do it again. One thing though ...I don't think I would probably not buy him that model for a birthday or something if it's coming around soon

I think the PP saying that confessing to the friend will make DS a better person are deluded. There is no telling how he and his family would react. The possibility of being called a ‘toe rag’, as happened to PP, would not be good for DS’ character. Neither is losing this friendship for an understandable, if regrettable, reason.

No one knows for sure what goes on in a child’s mind but probably we’ve all done something similar. Adults who extended me grace had a much greater impact on me than those who were too harsh.

I also would not send the toy to school, because something could happen. In OP’s place I would bring it to his house and say that we found it after he went home.

I would maybe be talking to DS, very lightly and over time, about how to be a friend.

If you’d not found it in the drawer of preciousness what would’ve happened?

I can’t believe you wouod consider shaming him like this and risking him being rejected by not only his friends but the wider peer group - there’s another lesson he will learn if you do which is that confession is unsafe and he can’t go to you with difficulty.
just give it back to the parent and encourage him to talk to you about how he feels and why this happened if he wants to.

If you make him confess you can assume the other kid will be all over school telling everyone your son is a thief

Wouldn't most of us assume the other child had taken it anyway if it turned up the next day?

If he tells his friend this time that he found it and then you make it absolutely clear to him that if this ever happens again you will not cover up for him in any way ... the boy and the parent will be told and he will be expected to apologise and take the consequences as regards loss of friendship etc.
He needs to know that we are all tempted to do wrong sometimes but we resist and that you expect him to do the same.

If it suddenly turned up after you looked everywhere, as the other parent it is pretty obvious what has happened here. I'd stop all play dates for a month or 2 as a punishment, he's 6 and knew he was stealing it (I have a 4 year old and he has stolen and hidden stuff that belongs to his brother and sister, he absolutely knows it is wrong and was punished), don't teach your child that it's ok to steal. It's up to you if you make him tell the child, the mum will have realised what has happened anyway and might just be unavailable to reciprocate the play date. I'd be reluctant to have a light fingered child around my house, even if they are little.

Rubbish!

@Goldwren1923 letting him say “I found it” is a cop out and will bite you later.

"could" bite OP later, not "will".

You no more have a crystal ball than the rest of us.

Natural consequences are he has to return the toy, and the guilt he’s already feeling.

Adding punishments will just teach that he has to hide mistakes better next time.

Start him off as you want him to go on. He should own up and face the consequences obviously. He knew he was wrong.

Wow unbelievable responses

I’d let dc decide what he thinks would be best to do

if you make him confess and the friend then doesn’t want to be friends, this could prevent honesty with you in the future

I think it will be a very good lesson to be made apologise for stealing specifically. And I stole something as a child in similar circumstances.
it’s very effective lesson. (By all means speak to parents ahead of time so they are gracious in accepting this apology but it has to be made)
letting him say “I found it” is a cop out and will bite you later.

Not 10% of those, 10% of the total is leaving 4% choosing correctly!

I agree with this, if only because I can't see how Emperor P is more desirable than the MF. I think it must be the novelty value of a character he doesn't normally have.

That doesn't justify the sneakiness and it sounds like he understands it was wrong. I'd just go with "We found it". There can't be many kids who haven't done something like this at some point, it's all part of learning to navigate a world with other people in it.

He is accountable, to his mum who caught him out.

Definitely just say you found it (I might do this myself to the other mum if you think your son is going to struggle talking to his friend about it). He is only 6, he's sorry and you can put it right.

The problem with trying to bring other people into it as a learning moment (eg by explaining to his friend what happened) is that you have no control over their reaction. Another 6yo isn't going to think, "ah, he's only 6 and he has learned his lesson"- they could well react badly and next thing you know half the class is calling your son a thief. That outcome would be completely disproportionate and overwhelming for your son.

This is really a tiny little thing even though it seems like a big deal at the moment. Keep it small.

Surprised it’s as many as 14%, I assume 10% of those selected in error!!

Yeah children 6 years old should not be infantilised! Deffo going to turn them into pathological politicians, I mean I bet Boris was always nicking his mates Lego! It’s a gateway after all!

Honestly, give your head a wobble!

Of course he should own up to stealing the toy. He won’t learn thst you can’t take things otherwise. A similar thing happened when my daughter was about four. She had been admiring an acrylic ring which was part of a display in a bar we visited on holiday one night. The next day I saw her trying it on in our apartment. We went back to the bar as soon as it was opened and she told the owner that she had taken the ring. He was really kind and because she had been honest and returned the ring, he lwt her keep it. She never stole anything again as far as I’m aware.

😂

Goodness me have you actually met a 6. Year old ?

I doubt he will one day thank his mother if she did that!