Moral dilemma - should 6 year old DS be made to confess?

I would never make him confess. He has understood that his actions are wrong and he shouldn't be forced to lose a friend over it when it's unecessary

Consequences at home but no social embarrassment. Protect his nascent friendship.

Complete overreaction. He feels guilty, that's enough - you don't need to further shame him with endless punishments.

6 year olds have little to no impulse control - you're basically punishing him for being his developmental age!!

He felt bad. He owned up. You absolutely have a chat about lying and taking toys that don't belong to you. And then you let it go cos he is just a tiny kid.

There's a lot of concentration on how your DS feels and how remorseful he is and how awfully upsetting it is for him (and I'm sure it is)
I think it is important for your son that you discuss how upset the other little boy feels having lost his toy and how distressing that is for him. I think the important lesson from stealing and lying is not so much 'don't do it because you will feel guilty and bad and that is horrible for you' but 'don't do it because it is upsetting and hurtful for the person you have done it to' .

It is a very common thing for kids this age to do, I'm sure many of us did it as children or had it done to us, but it can be used as a learning experience to increase empathy and awareness of now our actions affect others.

In terms of confessing, as others have said, when you arrive and say you found it of course the other Mum will know it was stolen, and he may or may not tell her on this and he may or may not want to play with him any more. I don;t know, depends on the Mum, it wouldn't make me stop mmy child playing with yours, I just ay Johnny made amitake and he is sorry so all is fine But people react differently. I'd be pretty impressed with a child who owned up and think they were generally a good kid.

He’s only 6, absolutely tiny. I did this very same thing when I was a bit younger, maybe 4. The NDN’s child had a toy Buzz Lightyear and I had Woody so we’d play together with them. One day she left Buzz out on her drive so I took it. My mum made me put it back on the drive when she found out but didn’t make me confess. I didn’t go on to become a criminal mastermind or anything.

If he tells his friend, he might lose the friendship and that would be sad when he’s found someone to connect with on niche things.

I think the best way to teach a six year old to be kind and empathetic to others is to model it.

This

Tell the friend you found it and that will be the end of it.

Pick your battles as they say.

Never happened with me but my DM at a similar age stole some money from her grandma’s purse and bought some toys she liked the look of and then brought them into school. Headmaster found them but was very kind but said they had to be returned which they were. I don’t know if the grandma or her dad were told. DM never did this again though and also remembers this occasion.

DB at a similar age stole some penny sweets from the corner shop, DM insisted he return the money to the shop and own up about the theft. A bit harsh but he didn’t do it again.

Oh, my mistake.

Well as you say the clue was there.

The mum will probably have guessed anyway.

Don't force a confession. It is unnecessarily harrowing at this age. Truly- I think a lot of us have profound feelings of guilt and regret indelibly etched into our memories, without the added shame and embarrassment of a confession.

So the friend goes home minus Emperor P & with a Millennium Falcon.

I think his mum will have already guessed what happened!.

Then the lesson learnt is that unpleasant actions sometimes have unpleasant consequences.

I did the exact same, I still feel so ashamed. I agree as a one off just let him give it back without saying.

What possible benefit is there in the other mum knowing? What if she doesn't understand and won't let them play anymore?

I don't think telling the parents is a good idea - what if they tell the boy?

Give it back, say he found it, punish him at home if necessary.

I think he's already remorseful and there's no benefit in humiliating him.

Obviously the toy must be returned to the friend. Personally I would tell the friend's Mum the truth. Hopefully she will understand that little kids are sometimes overwhelmed by temptation and any thought of consequences goes out the window.
For your son, it should be a lesson learnt. The post reminded me of a nasty thing I did at junior school, must have been around 8. We all had to bring in picture postcards. My friend had a gorgeous one of a thatched Irish cottage. I stole it. I don't think I felt shame at the time, but I do now

That would be my choice as well. Treat this as a warning. Make it very clear that if he ever does it again he will be made to confess and he will not be allowed friends round or to go to theirs.

He is 6, which is still young, but he’s old enough to know that he must not do this.

Yes, this has happened on both sides with my DC and at that age no one ever bats an eyelid! It certainly wouldn’t stop me sending my child for a play. These things are just normal parts of kids growing up.

We found it will suffice in my opinion for this time.

No one knows for certain he would have kept it, so saying he would is just pure conjecture.

Op I feel for you and your lad. Its crap knowing they've pinched something but this is fairly common IME and it doesnt mean hes going to head up a bank heist when hes older or turn into a politician.

Fwiw if I was the other boys mum and I sussed hed stole it there would be no hard feelings from my side. There werent when one of DS pals nicked one of his Pokemon figures. He was and still is a lovely boy, he was just a bit of a prat one time ❤️

I would explain to him what he has done, sit him down and make him make and write a card saying sorry to make him think about it. If it were my child I’d also have them give them their favourite character along with their one back, to teach them how it feels to lose something you care about, but that’s perhaps a bit harsh.

Just give it back. He’s 6 and if it’s a first offense, let it go. If he has a history of lying and sneaky behaviour then you need to deal with that though.

No of course not, your parenting style deserves a 🏅!

I’m just so glad the vast majority don’t agree.