Moral dilemma - should 6 year old DS be made to confess?

This 100%.
I wonder how many of the ' rigid disciplinarians' who have answered actually have kids of their own.

He feels guilty. He is really sorry and knows he has done wrong. Don't be too rigid and morally superior like some posters suggest.
He is only 6 for God's sake. At this age it isn't too uncommon. Ask any teacher of 6yr olds.
He is sorry. He knows he is in the wrong. You have spoken seriously to him. Don't ruin his friendship. It would be spread all over the class. Too much for him.

He’s 6. Let it go.

Owning up to the bad decision shows great strength. The friend may value the honesty and decency.

The friend is 6, FFS. He would not have had the maturity to see it that way.

I agree, and honestly if that friend wants to step back from the friendship or doesn’t trust your son anymore, then that’s a natural consequence for having stolen from him.

Undoubtedly a hard lesson, but a good one.

This first post nails it. Owning up to the bad decision shows great strength. The friend may value the honesty and decency.

Bonkers! The child steals and his 'punishment' is to get to buy the toy

No I wouldn’t make him confess.

I would be having very firm words about stealing though and telling him that it isn’t acceptable.

What I would not have done is take him toy shopping the next day to buy himself the stolen toy! Regardless of whose money it was being bought with… it still seems like a reward for what was unacceptable behaviour.

FWIW I think you handled it perfectly, OP. He’s 6, it’s a small toy that is back with its owner, he’s upset about what happened, that’s enough. There’s no need to make it into a bigger thing than it is. I bet he won’t ever do it again.

Mmmm no. It’s just factual. Poster is saying that they have a different view to most and that of course one is entitled to have different views.

Stating that Brits do passive agression is not racism it’s just factual.

Stating they wouldn’t pose the question, again not aggressive, nor passive.

Poster appears to have a strong moral compass and it’s something that they believe children should be instilled with. It’s not unreasonable.

Where is the line drawn? Actions have consequences, it’s a good thing to learn.

I certainly would not have thought to steal a friend‘s toy at 6 and hide it! But then I am that person that will point out to a server if they have not charged me for something/ notify the company if I get sent something twice.

He has to learn that stealing is wrong.
Because that is what did. Steal his best friends chershed posseison.

I realise that he his only six.But maybe the friend will not want to play with hiim again because of this incident.

At 6, I wouldn’t force him to confess to taking it. It’s not an acceptable thing to do, but it’s an understandable one for a 6 year old. If he did it again after feeling the impact of doing it this time (shame, guilt, fear of losing friends) then I would make him confess to hammer the lesson home. But I think he gets one strike to learn the lesson without serious consequences.

If he were older, the answer would be different. But that’s also partly because I feel both children would be better able to hash out their feelings objectively, rather than the knee jerk “not friends anymore” reaction that his 6 year old friend would probably have now.

I have already explicitly stated that he shouldn't be called bad.

While labeling a child negatively can damage self esteem and hurt attempts to get them to try to be the opposite, they also hurt motivation to do what's needed to live up to a positive label. (Because people, kids included, who think they're inherently good/clever/thoughtful anyway, don't tend to put as much effort into the actions needed to actually be good/clever/thoughtful as people who associate it with doing good/clever/thoughtful things). Aspirational labeling when used in moderation seems to be useful for making children feel positive. But used too much, and especially when used in the wrong way, it can also lead to a lack of effort. Generally better to talk about/praise/call out actions and their impact without making it about an identity.

Yes, I stole a ring from Matalan in my teens and I never wore it and felt bad every time I looked at it.

I can't believe all the people in here suggesting the child lie and the parent is happy to cover up for them stealing.

No wonder schools don't like dealing with parents anymore.

I stole a little red bus from my playmate when I was about 6 and hid it away as I felt so guilty that I didn[t even play with it. I[m now 77 and this post has brought back memories....:-)

I don’t think a 6 year should be made to “confess” but you should be handing the Lego back to the other parent with an apology and truthful explanation. I would be then having a very honest conversation with my son about how taking someone else’s property is very wrong in any situation and he should think about apologising to his friend, it is then up to his friend if he wants to continue the friendship.

He is only 6 but even at a young age things should be dealt with in a straight forward and honest way, hopefully these are lessons they take forward.

He isn't a bad child though. He's a good child that did a bad thing and is now taking steps to fix it. Research suggests that when a child internalises the label that they are bad, rather than that they are good but sometimes do bad things, they live up to that label.

Agree

I wouldn’t take it to school. Good chance it wouldn’t make it home.

He's only 6 and he clearly knows he did wrong.
I'd be taking his lego star wars away for a week though to drive the message home but definitely no need to tell the friend and dont tell the parent either cos they may tell their child.

He may be a good kid. But he wasn't in this instance. In any way. Of course he's in pieces. He knew he shouldn't have done it and he got caught out so didn't manage to hide it from you, got your disappointment and didn't get to keep the piece he was prepared to upset his friend for. Nothing good for him there.

Reinforcing he's good when he is good is useful (though identity language can be over used - good to mainly focus on praising actions). So if he's a good, lovely, sweet, polite kid you will have plenty of opportunity to do this. Reinforcing he's good when he isn't sends mixed messages and research suggests it's not as effective in curbing disruptive behaviour.

Agree with this. And, it’s an opportunity to have a very clear, VERY GENTLE but very clear, conversation about: “Do You See What Might Have Happened?”; “Do You See Why Stealing From A Friend Can Lead You To Be Lonely?”; “Would You Like It If All The Children Thought You Were A Stealer?” (young children often don’t really understand the word “thief”, they do understand “stealer” as someone who steals).

Then, when the lesson has landed (“do you understand?”) then lead them away from danger into the sunny uplands: “So, you understand why it’s important to be honest and a good friend, so you can be the lovely boy that you really are and the one we all love all of the time”.

Gentle but clear.