Moral dilemma - should 6 year old DS be made to confess?

He didn't though. He got caught out and his parents remedied it.

You tell him we all make mistakes, doing one thing wrong doesn't wipe out all the good things you do - and maybe go on to detail some of the good things he does, probably with a focus on the ones he obviously enjoys doing.

You tell him he was good because he remedied it. That was the good thing he did.

For various reasons.
I think the main one is they like to hear other people's opinions and problems, compare lives, and give help, opinions and advice (qualified or not) to people who ask for them.

I would tell him there is a punishment for lying but just say you found it when tidying up.

Most are parents, yes. Why else would anyoneb join a parenting forum?

So he steals from friend and then gets bought a new toy and told how well behaved he is...

He’s learnt his lesson. Don’t humiliate him anymore. He’s only 6!

I did this with my friend’s orange floral Sindy skirt.
51 now and I still remember it like yesterday!
I think returning it is enough, with a strict telling off and reminder that you won’t cover for him again. I doubt it will happen again though..

Ahhh, so everyone who posts here is a mother ... got it. 🙄

The earlier he learns there are consequences to his actions the better. He’s young enough to get over it. If you cover things up for him he will expect it always. I’m only speaking from my own dealings and failures.

Well, given that this is a parenting website......

This is exactly the type of ineffectual parenting schools are up against! Kids never come across a hard boundary and consequences at home, and when they do in school, they develop 'anxiety'. Shitty parenting is now a national emergency - god knows what society will be like when this generation are in charge!7

He is only 6, he made a mistake and learned a lesson. He is probably a lovely little boy.

Of course there is no way, because he’s too young!

So 6 is not plenty plenty old enough to understand?

Thete obviously isn't a way. It is what she tells her ds to make him see the natural consequence to his actions.

He seems to have learnt his lesson, toy given back, you told him he should not have done it, end of. Too harsh in my opinion to make him confess all to his friend! It might circulate, he could be bullied etc.

Just say you found it somewher, then talk to your boy. He has probably learned his lesson anyway.

How would you test the “he can be trusted” rule?

He is only contrite and renorseful because he got caught out! Where was the remorse and contrition when his friend thought he had lost his special toy and you were all hunting high and low for it?
6 is plenty, plenty old enough to know stealing is very wrong. I would have a very serious talk about it. How his friend felt when he thought his special toy had gone and impose a consequence such as no play dates until he can be trusted with other other people's things!

I think that’s not all bad, OP.

You can make it clear that he’s a good boy who made a mistake. He’ll make other mistakes, because that’s part of growing up. The most important thing is that he knows he can come to you and his father for support.

Also, if you’ve quoted him accurately he hasn’t conflated misbehaving with being a bad boy. That’s huge.

He sounds a very sweet kid.

Bless him.
He needs to know (and I'm sure he does) he is a good, well loved boy, who did a bad thing. He has learned from his mistake and won't ever do it again.

Assure him it's in the past, and to forget about it now.

Of course you are right and that is why people often follow rules, but I was trying to reflect, not on rules, but on right and wrong. We often try to help children develop a sense of what is right, and I think occasionally we underestimate the sophistication of their understanding. All parents have to deal with this constantly... your 3 year old grabs something from a baby, the baby cries for a moment and starts playing with something else. The parent then tries different approaches- stating the rule: 'We don't grab', and appealing to compassion: 'Susie is sad you took her toy'. Often neither approach is quite convincing, and I was musing on why. I think a child as young as 3 can see the abstract truth that even when someone is unaware of injustice it still is not right.

People are different. Actually a very large proportion of people follow the rules not because of innate sense of justice or innate need to comply with the norms (it is often a minority), but because there is a clear deterrent - there is societal judgement and then there are hard consequences in a legal form. And there is a proportion of people for whom even this is not a deterrent (they usually end up criminals or people like Bernie Madoff. or politicians I guess!)

Interesting point, but I think that the real reason we don't steal is our fundamental sense of justice and the desire to be true to ourselves. Other people's pain doesn't always come into it - you don't not steal a sweet from store because someone will be sad if you do steal it...

Think about how many of us have stories of stealing something inconsequential as children, and having the guilt of that moment be a life changing and memorable thing. I doubt we remember losing a small toy or sweet with that extreme intensity. In these childhood examples, the crime of stealing is more painful for the criminal than for the victim.

I think this translates into a bigger truth. We have standards of behaviour for ourselves which are based on abstract analysis of what is right and how other people should be treated, not based on whether this particular moment is going to hurt someone, otherwise you get: 'She'll never know I slept with Betty from accounts, so it's ok', or ' The Met has so many works of art- it doesn't matter if I take some small ones' (actual recent example).