Am I allowed to be upset??

Has he had a sensitivity bypass?

Sorry for your huge loss

Im so sorry for your loss. Your dh sounds like an absolute tool. Of course you are right to be upset (or however you feel) Losing my grandmother was a very hard time for me. Sending you lots of love ❤️

Your DH is a twat. Of course you can be upset, you've lost someone who was important to you. Age is completely irrelevant.

Yes you absolutely are. You loved her. You are allowed to grieve. Her age isn't important.

My grandma died in 1987 and I still get upset sometimes.

You had 99 years with her. That’s one hell of a relationship to lose, regardless of whether or not it was meant to happen. People are dicks. Sorry for your loss, OP 💔

Has no one he loved died? Of course you’re sad, why’s he such a hard hearted twat? I’m sorry you’re grieving 💐

I can see both sides. Your DHs side being that it was inevitable and you should be celebrating she lived so long, your side being the loss and the love and the fact it’s sad when we lose people no matter their age.

My Grandmother died in her 90s and it hit me quite badly. Other people have died at the same age and I’ve just taken the “well they had a good innings” approach and not been as bothered. I think it depends on your relationship to the person how upset you feel. You are close to her, where as your DH probably is not. Both approaches are ok, but neither of you should be imposing your views on the other, especially your DH!

Sorry for your loss.

What a horrible bastard

Of course you're allowed to be upset! You've lost someone that you loved, her age is irrelevant. You can be glad that someone had a good long life but that doesn't stop you missing them or being sad!

Is your DH generally so insensitive to your feelings? This would seriously make me question the relationship.

OK, let me retract my previous dick comment. What you wrote here is quite different from "you are making a big deal out of it".
Sounds like a clumsy attempt at comforting, whereas saying you are making a bid deal is dismissing your emotions. So what did he actually say?

If you were still in floods of tears say 2-3 years on then yes he would have a point. But after just 2 days when the funeral won’t have taken place - he is completely completely wrong. Trust your feelings not his commentary.

I am very sorry for your loss

Grief affects everyone differently. Your husband is being a knob.

In time it will be a great comfort that she had a very long and fulfilling life.
But right now it's raw and you have every right to be devastated.
A loss is a loss. Thinking of you.

Of course you're upset!

He's being a knob and he ought to give himself a shake. I'm sure you were well aware that at 99 she didn't have much time; that has nothing to do with the depth of your love for her or the sadness about losing her.

You're going to miss that person's presence in your life, you grieve a loss no matter how old they are.

Your husband sounds like a thoughtless prick.

It doesn't matter how old a person is or what sort of life they lived, when someone dies we feel the pain of their loss regardless of all these things.

It's seriously worrying if your DH really thinks you are unreasonable grieving for the loss of your Gran.
Either he is saying it for purely selfish reasons because he sees your grief as an inconvenience to him or he actually sees older people as less than human and as surplus to requirements. Neither of these options show him to be a decent human being.

You are allowed whatever emotions you want to feel.

Including the emotion to want to do something to the unsympathetic areshole.

Your husband is a dick!
Just to demonstrate how much of a dick: Years ago my cat died and I was upset way more than I anticipated. I told my partner that I was sorry for being so upset, I know it's just a cat. And his reply was - its' not "just a cat" it was someone you loved, of course you will be upset.

When my grandmother dies, I fully expect to be in bits. And I fully expect my partner to provide full support through the process of grief.

Ime the death of a close one reveals a lot about your relationship...
Not always good....

Of course you're allowed to be sad. Her passing at 99 is a silver lining, in the sense she got to lead and long and full life. It doesn't mean you shouldn't be upset. Tell your husband to catch himself on.

So someone you've loved your entire life has died and you're not allowed to be upset? That's ridiculous and very unkind. I'm so sorry for your loss and sending you a big virtual hug.

Of course you can be upset! Just because someones death is expected doesn't stop it being sad when it happens.

Perfectly fine for you to be upset - rationally we know people won’t live for ever but a rational mind is irrelevant when we lose someone we love so much.
Grieve however you need to for as much as you need. Im so sorry for your loss, sending love xxxx