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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband wants another child.

69 replies

Isit2026yet · 18/01/2026 16:44

DH and I are early 40s. DD is early 20s. He's suggested we think about having a baby now. It’s a no from me but he thinks I'm being unreasonable by just saying no and not discussing it.

OP posts:
InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 18/01/2026 17:50

Coffeeandbooks88 · 18/01/2026 17:48

Probably likely to get pregnant that way.

Show quote history

Chances are fairly low in early 40s

Coffeeandbooks88 · 18/01/2026 17:48

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 18/01/2026 17:29

You could probably allow him to think you’re willing to try - leaving it up to fate - but avoid your most fertile days, although appreciate that’s a bit underhand

Probably likely to get pregnant that way.

Coffeeandbooks88 · 18/01/2026 17:43

Why not eighteen years ago? I suspect he wants to stop you enjoying your freedom etc.

Underthemoon1 · 18/01/2026 17:42

I think it's unreasonable not to discuss important things after 20+ years of marriage - he should be allowed to feel heard and you should feel you have had the chance to explain the 'absolutely not!'. I'm not saying there's any reason why you should say yes, or even consider it, but I think you should let the discussion happen.

TheMorgenmuffel · 18/01/2026 17:39

Whats his plan for the childcare? Will he be doing it?

I'd hear him out. Ask him how he thinks it's going to work. Who will be taking the time off, going part time, doing the bulk of the child care, eventually school runs etc.

Then when he admits it'll be you, you get to laugh in his face and tell him no chance

Lookingforthesunshine · 18/01/2026 17:37

No way. I had second one when I was 37 and was wishing we had her earlier. Menopause and teenagers are not a good mix.

MO0N · 18/01/2026 17:36

GallonHat · 18/01/2026 16:59

Tell him he's very welcome to get himself pregnant and crack on.

Twat.

This would be my response!

bombastix · 18/01/2026 17:34

No.

How is the state of your marriage incidentally as this is the kind of thing that is proposed by an insecure partner of either sex.

Also, have you recently spread your wings socially, got back to more meaningful work, been in the house less and or got a fascinating hobby?

People do not usually leave such a large gap. Say no. But wonder as to why now, and his motive.

RancidRuby · 18/01/2026 17:33

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 18/01/2026 17:29

You could probably allow him to think you’re willing to try - leaving it up to fate - but avoid your most fertile days, although appreciate that’s a bit underhand

What the hell? This is weird advice. She doesn't want a baby, the end.

Burntt · 18/01/2026 17:33

It’s reasonable to discuss it as in explaining your position and let him explain his. Wanting another child and not being able to have one will be hard for him to process and come to terms with so you can support him through that by letting him talk. Just be clear that’s what you are doing and you do not wish to be persuaded.

if he didn’t pull his weight the first time around and it all fell to you then I feel you owe him less emotional support with his feeling tho

onetrickrockingpony · 18/01/2026 17:33

Contrary to many other posters, I don’t see why you can’t discuss it. He can say why he wants another, you can lay out in very certain terms why you don’t want one. It’s not fair not to discuss it at all and to just shut down the conversation. Let him say his piece and you can say yours. Ultimately you have the final say because (1) you’re the woman, and (2) the person who says no should always “win”, so it makes no difference to you either way. However, if you shut this down without a conversation then you may miss the opportunity to address and deal with something extremely important to your DH. He’s younger than you, reproductively, if you completely push him away then he may go and make a baby with someone else.

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 18/01/2026 17:30

Tell him you are happy to talk through why it’s a hard no from you but discussion won’t change your mind. Tell you are happy to listen about what’s missing in life that is making him think a baby is a solution.

Beyond that what can you say other than “sorry if you are disappointed but I won’t be putting myself through another pregnancy at my age”

HopSpringsEternal · 18/01/2026 17:29

Oh god it would be my worst nightmare.

RampantIvy · 18/01/2026 17:29

Joining in the no way chorus.

I had DD at 41. At 67 I am still supporting her through higher education after she took a couple of years out to work, then is now doing a masters.

I am still working as I am guarantor for her rent.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 18/01/2026 17:29

You could probably allow him to think you’re willing to try - leaving it up to fate - but avoid your most fertile days, although appreciate that’s a bit underhand

BernardButlersBra · 18/01/2026 17:26

Why now?!

wishingonastar101 · 18/01/2026 17:24

Has he thought about getting a dog?

YourWinter · 18/01/2026 17:21

No no no NO

metalbottle · 18/01/2026 17:20

oh my word, back to nappies now? how hideous that would be.

Soulstirring · 18/01/2026 17:19

Is DD both of yours? It would be a hard no from me, def not being unreasonable

GoldDuster · 18/01/2026 17:15

No fucking way. Next question.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 18/01/2026 17:15

If he's bored he needs a new hobby. Destroying your body, your daily life & nights of full sleep is not an option.

Starlight7080 · 18/01/2026 17:14

Why now? why not sooner ?

Bananalanacake · 18/01/2026 17:13

Why? is he the controlling type who can't bear the thought of you having your life back now your DD is an adult. When he asks to discuss it tell him in no uncertain terms that you don't want to live under house arrest cleaning up shit and piss for the next 10 years while he fucks off out to work and does what he wants all day.

Cherrytree86 · 18/01/2026 17:12

Why?? @Isit2026yet

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