Has lack of Premier Inn breakfast ruined the weekend?

Dear lord, you sound like hard work!

I would just split up to do what everybody wanted for breakfast then meet up afterwards. I'm more like you OP and would like something different, but sounds like he had his heart set on it. My parents always took forever finding somewhere we agreed on, so DP and I just do separate things with whichever kid wants to go with us.

To be fair neither the OP or their DH seem like they are good at letting things go...

I suspect the person who put forward the idea of Pret that you dismissed out of hand was a bit annoyed, but just handled it better.

There’s two types of people on the thread, those who can’t fathom not getting the PI breakfast and those who would rather go out.

i think we can all agree though that sulking/silent treatment is not ok and your DH is a dick.

Good question. Probably, yes.

"convalescing" ffs 😂

They were well enough travel to London, watch a show and stay overnight (not to mention apparently "bulk up" on an all you can eat buffet's worth off stodge) but yes, let's act like OP's family are 19th century heroines dying of consumption and the short stroll (sorry "march!") to a cafe risked finishing them off!

Is there any truth in him saying basically that you are bossy?

@GasPanic

yeah, all good points, we weren't there and haven't heard the other sides of the story.

My second husband was like that, always setting up things that he thought we ought to like. And he didn't approve of planning (really!), he liked to be "spontaneous". And if I ever complained about the unnecessary 5 mile road hike (to get to the start of a beautiful walk) or the 2 hour wait (because he didn't know the start time) he was "just doing something nice for you" and I was being "ungrateful".

And I think therein lies the difference, doesn't it. OP isn't complaining how ungrateful they all are, she's questioning herself and asking if she did something wrong.

And whichever way you read the "nice breakfast", her DH's behaviour is unacceptable, surely. As an adult, you make the best of things, you don't determinedly cast a shadow over the whole day. I think he was being immature, selfish, and unpleasant.

I would say this is the behaviour of someone who, rightly or wrongly, thinks he doesn't have enough power in the relationship - and this is what I think OP might want to address with him (in a calm moment).

That’s the bit that I’m not sure about

There wasn’t a discussion. Someone said “there’s a Pret - what about that?” - and you replied as you did basically shutting down the conversation

I’d have been more open - especially given you had been trekking around for a while and people were a bit under the weather and hungry. Recognising what a PP said about not much seating at least you could have had a snack and a coffee before heading out once more

Again I’m not excusing the sulking - that is not good.

Sorry I didn’t make it clear, I meant that he is accusing you of being exactly what he is! I’m on your side!

The problem with all of these sorts of things is you need to have both sides of the argument before you get the full picture and otherwise there are a lot of assumptions made.

It's not clear to me "she was doing something nice for her family". It could well have been "she was doing something nice for herself and that she thought her family ought to like (but actually didn't)" and the family was press ganged into it.

It's also not clear everyone got a "nice" breakfast, or at least the breakfast they preferred. Unless you actually ask them and get them to tell you what they thought. One persons idea of a "nice" breakfast might be shovelling down near endless rounds of scrambled eggs and bacon and mugs of instant in an institution-like breakfast room, not the pastries and gourmet coffee in a fluffy cafe with flowers that some people think they ought to like.

I suspect both sides made some mistakes here, but without hearing the story from both sides it's unlikely anyone will see the full picture.

I think this thread has been swayed by people who see food purely as fuel, and those who enjoy trying new places and different experiences. I love Spitalfields and I would always prefer exploring a local area in a new city, to find a non chain cafe to eat at. You can have a PI breakfast anywhere. It’s not special!

I do think if your family are prone to hanger (and it seems they are), a more specific plan and booking should perhaps have been made though.

He told you what he sees as an underlying problem - finding you hard work and you dismiss that and then say you got what you wanted and were happy so why is he upset.

He was an arse for sulking - no question - and long past the point he got food and I suspect most of the time he happy enough to let you drive decision making to point you are a bit fed up with that.

It's a basic communication issue - he need to speak not sulk and you need to actually listen not assume everyone happy to fall in with your plans or dimiss what they say when they do speak up.

I suspect it's only an issue now because everyone was tired and not at their best and there was some pressure to make most of the trip and resentments from both sides have been aired somewhat. Ideally you sit down and actually talk to each other and try and do better on both sides.

Hmmm

I think the op is getting an unwarranted level of hostility on this thread.

She tried to do something nice for her family, it didn't work out quite as planned, but everybody got a nice breakfast in the end.

@Liesmorelies I would have given my DH (and indeed the kids if necessary) some slack at the point of finding a queue at the first cafe and having to wander around for another 15 mins - we all get tired and hangry from time to time.

BUT once you've found somewhere nice and breakfast is ordered, then he needs to settle down - and if he kept moaning I would have told him so (nicely at first 😀).

I have to say I wouldn't have put up ongoing sulking either - if my DP does that I say
"is that grumpy name talking? Cos if it is I don't want to talk to him, send him away"
(My DP has been known to stomp off though 😁)

However, your final paragraph worries me. I think there's something more going on than just a less-than-perfect breakfast - you might want to have a calm chat with your DH and see if you can find out what's bothering him.

We're home now but he has said he's sick of me making all the decisions, I'm fussy and nothing is good enough and I'm just hard work.

It's clearly not just about the breakfast, then, is it?

It's about the fact that you want things your way all the time and the easiest option is never good enough for you.

Whether or not you think some toast and porridge in a cafe is better than a hot buffet at a Premier Inn is really neither here nor there; the point is that your husband didn't and he had to spend his morning walking around looking for something to eat when he'd really rather have just taken the easier option and had the breakfast he clearly fancied at the PI.

The breakfast is clearly only one example of many and you're focusing on it to deflect from your husband's real point, which is that you want things your way and everything has to be perfect and special and yes, I realise you say 'everyone agreed' but I suspect they were well aware that you wouldn't take no for an answer. 'Everyone agreed' very often means 'everyone went along with it because it was obviously what I wanted and they didn't want to argue'.

Every time anyone has made to try to make you see things from your DH's point of view, you've just argued and insisted that you're in the right about everything and that no other view is valid.

You do sound like hard work to me. Maybe you need to be a bit more sensitive to other people's feelings and views and accept that sometimes, things don't have to be perfect and the easier option is just fine.

So, stop going on about the breakfast and the sulking, and have a think about the whole dynamic of your relationship and your behaviour.

So it worked out fine for you in the end! That says it all really!

There was nothing stopping him from booking breakfast if he really wanted to & going down early on his own then you all could've gone for a walk after he'd finished. He's being a tool, don't engage in his hissy fit if it happens again.

I think, for different reasons, both you and your husband contributed equally to Sunday being very difficult—but I don't think your whole weekend was ruined because of a PI breakfast. You’re both at fault, and neither of you comes out better than the other. For the sake of your marriage, you really need to communicate more.
He’s fed up because, rightly or wrongly, he feels you’re hard work: that you make most of the decisions, are quite fussy, and often complain that things aren’t good enough or keep changing the plans.
You’re fed up because he sulks, is lazy, doesn’t want to do much, never plans anything, and rarely makes suggestions.
Maybe he’s reluctant because he feels any ideas he has will be dismissed or changed anyway—so he wonders what the point is. You, on the other hand, are always looking to for different and more exciting things to do as a family to make the most of every outing.
That said, you both seem to have recovered from the very bad mood since leaving London on Sunday. Remember, Saturday was fine—it was really just Sunday that went wrong. These things happen.
So the weekend wasn’t ruined overall, as you all enjoyed the theatre. It’s possible the PI breakfast was the one thing your husband was really really looking forward to on Sunday, but went along with your suggestions as he did not want to split the family up. The PI breakfast was the only thing you were not looking forward to on Sunday and wanted to change to make it a more interesting day for the family.
Have a proper chat together. Maybe agree that he plans the next family trip/event and you promise not to change or criticise anything. Then you plan the one after, and he promises not to get upset, criticise, or sulk if you make changes. Then maybe in future you could plan the next one together!

Sorry op but that would have really pissed me off too. If I'm looking forward to something especially food and I don't get it I'm pissed off for ages. I get the rage if we go to a restaurant and I can't have pudding because we will miss our train or something shite

I think I'd have gone for the PI breakfast on this occasion. You said yourself that you were all feeling a bit rundown/ill.
I wouldn't have wanted to go traipsing out on the hunt for a breakfast when there's one right there. Especially when not feeling top-notch.
I'd have wanted to eat, then make an early escape for home. There'll be other trips for getting the fancy breakfast. It sounds like your DH felt a bit bulldozed by you.