Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

Many years ago I lived with a divorced man, who had full residency of his children. Their Mother left him and the children, for another man. She saw her children EOW, and didn't see them in the week, because she moved too far away for it to be feasible.

Thankfully, I didn't marry him or have children with him but I ended up in a situation similar to you - being the default 'parent' to children that weren't mine. He simply wasn't interested in spending time with me or his children. He didn't parent them at all, unless absolutely forced.

The relationship turned sour but I was reluctant to leave because without me, who did the children have??? Two, parents who couldn't put their children first and viewed them as an inconvenience. It took a friend to sit down and say 'You are not responsible for the children, you can't live a miserable life, because of two children you have no responsibility too'. It was hard to hear, but she was correct. As much as I loved them, they weren't biologically my children, I couldn't take them with me.

Leaving those two children has probably been one of the hardest choices I've had to make. However, I had to do it for me, and to end a toxic relationship with a man who didn't love me, I was merely a 'nanny with a fanny'.

It will be hard OP, but it's the right decision. You can't live in a miserable relationship, wasting your own life away.

He’s probably been listening to the Diary of a CEO…

Stay strong @seasonofthebitch you deserve better.

The type of man that "Some men aren't lonely enough" is accurate for.

Let us know how you get on. I hope you are staying strong and well. This must be difficult for you.

OP would still be the free babysitter/nanny and dickhead would continue to manipulate and take the piss. He would probably use this opportunity to pick someone else up and rub that in OP’s face. If OP were to meet someone and want to settle down with them and have kids of her own, he would become even more hideous. It would be smart for OP to leave the day divorce papers are thrown at him and call CPS. It would be extremely cruel to the child to dangle her only involved parent figure for longer and then have her disappear.

Maybe not, but she cares about her. I would not be able to turn my back on this child. Not full-time, definitely. But maybe one night a week. Or a nice day out sometimes. Poor kid appears to only have the OP and a granny who care about her.

@Lastgig

this! This child is not OP’s responsibility.

lol he will be lonely when you dump him, OP.

What a silly prick

He's obviously read that "I'm so lonely" is meant to make him sound like a neglected victim.

Waking up with a child is lonely? What a melt! If he actually took her outdoors he wouldn’t feel like that.
don’t give in op.

How are you today OP?

Poor dear is really crying “Male Lonliness Epidemic” bullshit isn’t he? Glad you’re no longer swayed. He’s weaponising everything - especially his kid. Don’t let him have any idea you’re about to bounce until the lawyer has your paperwork prepared.

He’s lonely but spends every minute down the gym?! Oh please.
So sad he already has a career but is wasting his kids life away too. And yours- but no more!! So glad you’ve emailed the lawyer.

It’s a shame he’s so “lonely” when he’s got two people at home who would each lovely his company. And the irony being it’s the OP who has a right to feel lonely.

Agree with pps this word is laying the groundwork for an affair or at least to make the OP think he might have one, and therefore toe (tow?) the line.

Yes the overuse of the word 'lonely' is making me think he's preparing the ground for an affair or dumping unpaid nanny 1.0 (who seems to have inconvenient traits of being a full human) to make way for unpaid nanny 2.0. Who he may have met at the gym.

OP might not get a lot of choice here, so it's good she's getting her ducks in a row now.

I think he'd find he was less "lonely" if he could rein in the narcissism and selfishness.

And agree with the PP who talked about mornings in bed with little DC being the very opposite of lonely. Tiring, yes, but snuggled in? When kids are little and need your cuddles (which this poor child probably does bless her) it's the opposite of lonely.

Unless you're a sociopath, I guess.

The best and only thing OP can do for the child is to report to the school safeguarding team her concerns.

That was my first thought too. What a waste of space

No idea WTF your problem is. I never said there wasn't a gym? Perhaps reading is your problem. I said her husband doesn't have a gym business. It's obvious. There's no money being made. He's not there working. If he's there at all.

Op's DH

Christ what an arsehole

I’m guessing he’s a orthopaedic surgeon, that are well known as having narcissistic tendencies.
Apologises too all the nice ones.

Good for you!
How dare he complain about you studying for your exams and make things difficult, this is your career and your future you have worked hard for.
Just how dare he!!!
Move out asap, find a room in a share house or something. Good thing about medicine is you can relocate anywhere in the country and get away from him

Is he using the word lonely so much to indicate he’s planning to look elsewhere for companionship?

I’m so lonely…self absorbed wanker. What does he think OP is sitting in babysitting every night and all weekend?

Op, what’s something else you can do for yourself? A post exam dinner with some of the other people who were taking it? Book it in; your time is your own.

The op doesn’t need your conspiracy theories. I’m sure she knows if there is a gym or not and he took his dd there for hours on the weekend. She has quite enough problems to focus on, frankly it’s borderline irrelevant if he were cheating as everything else if totally unacceptable on its own.