Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

Good for you Op. Put yourself and your future first in this.

And remember, mush as we on MN are invested in your thread, for you it’s real life, and you do not owe us updates.

Yep, you’re a clever strong woman who can see that he’s now desperate to keep his lovely, caring wife who does all of the hard work for him at home while still earning good money. However, there’s nothing in it for you. Now you’ve seen his true lack of love for you. Sending you strength.

@seasonofthebitch Please don't count on his sudden "change" to last. I have witnessed this in a professionnal capacity; man is realising that he's about to lose everything so he makes drastic changes and becomes very sweet - lovebombing stage. Once he realises the woman will go through with the separation no matter what he will show his true nasty self; guilting if there are children involved/threatening suicide/verbal and/or physical assault.

Just be prepared for the worst OP and make sure you have got copies of documents and a safe place to go if it gets ugly.

He’s realised he’s going to have to find a replacement for you, or a nanny, OP pdq, he’s not going to find that easy, is he?

I’m very proud of you for standing up for yourself.

So frustrating that he's suddenly prepared to make changes now, when you're threatening to leave. But not when you were ill or tired or asking for his help.

@seasonofthebitch I had emotionally stepped away from my marriage as it was awful for so long... so l didn't feel sad either.

A bit scared of what the future would bring as we had 2 DC that were staying with me.... but ultimately it was a feeling of relief.

Honestly, he’s just proving that he knew exactly what he was doing and what OP wanted in the first place, but until he genuinely believed she was about to leave, he operated under the assumption that she was “lucky to have him” and would tolerate this forever. If he were to reel her back, then he would repeat this behaviour because it’s harder to leave after a reconciliation -Sunken cost, further erosion of self-esteem and fear of humiliation (other people’s opinions) and retribution. He is guilty of dinning a “nice man” costume to love bomb and manipulate, but it is not his core self. I am pleased OP is strong enough not to be reeled back in with Oscar-worthy performance.

maybe crazy cat ladies aren't as crazy as we thought , Kitties are cute and faithful and always there for you and never lie to you x

"That is the sad thing a lot of men don't realise until it's too late.
That once women's feelings switch off, nothing switches them on again. We warn, try, and then if that is ignored and disrespected - we are done."

Yeah, that reminds me of the adage: Men think women will never leave, women think men will change. Both are wrong.

Now he's lovebombing.

The idea that he could have sold his business within a few days would be comedy gold, except I'm not up for making fun of your situation.

I appreciate the update, which you absolutely don't owe us. Reminding you that you are strong and have absolutely got this.

You’re not sad as you’ve just realised a while ago it was over and once the curtain has lifted nothing will bring that back as he kept cementing his fate by showing who he truly is.
a
Have a fab rest of your career and you will be an amazing mum to another child of that’s what you wish.

The OP is getting ready for divorce and he knows this...seems people here did not perceive it from the last update

There wasn't a business to sell, which is why he can say that.

Just thank goodness you’re ‘ok’. Glad he’s considered sensible things like putting people before money! Good luck in whatever you chose to do - above all, don’t forget yourself, and because I’m a good 20
uears older than you,
ensure you’re investing in your future so you can get your career and pension sorted as well as your life wishes

He sold a business that made no profit at all in 2 or 3 days.

Sure Jan. 🙄

He's changed his tune temporarily because he's losing his daughter's nanny. Get your ducks in order, his about face is going to feel nasty especially after a bit of love bombing.

I think your husband is a deadbeat piece of shit and you'll be better off without him.

100%

Sold the business my arse. Who bought the profit free zone from him??

I was thinking this too - when he realises you’re not changing your mind, be prepared for him turning nasty. Stay strong & don’t be surprised if the sadness comes - you’re allowed to grieve for the future you imagined you would have now that you know it’s definitely gone, as well as for DSD who I’m sure you will miss.

Onto bigger & better things, for the future you deserve.

His anger will come if his mr nice guy act doesnt work btw

Like fuck has he sold a business in a few days.

He is trying to suck you back in. I guarantee than in a few months he will go back to normal

Selling his business (IF he actually has) will mean he can spend more time with HIS CHILD doesn't it. Which is needed since you said you won't be being default parent anymore.

Stay in the spare room, keep being clear about not being an unpaid nanny, keep going with the split. Don't sway. Also, be prepared - he will change tactics when he realises you aren't swayed and will likely get angry or mean.

Has he sold it to beg for you or also because he’s realised he needs to spend more time with his kid? That seems to have bypassed him

The sadness will come but you are doing the right things

i doubt he has sold his business /gymm

maybe you leaving means he will be a better dad to dd - till the next woman comes along

it is sad when relationships and marriages break up. No one wants it to happen but sometimes it has to

I don’t know if you want kids but you sound a fab caring step mum so if that’s what you want then hope as and when you meet a nice man @seasonofthebitch and someone who will be a good dad and husband /partner to you